<\/p>\n
Archive Saturday returns.\u00a0 This is from my old “Yesterday’s
\nWeather” spot on dirtyfreaks.com.\u00a0 I wrote all of these in 10
\nminutes or less and you can tell!<\/p>\n
Coral is Record of Climate Change, Researchers Say<\/p>\n
Milo C. Otisman, roving Appalachian reporter.<\/p>\n
The Gleason Mount Diner sits four miles off of I-68 in Flintstone,
\nMaryland. It is a favorite rest stop for truckers and travelers in the
\nknow, and the blue plates are hoppin’ every Sunday after church.
\nGleason Mount is a Mountain View diner, assembled in Oakland, NJ in
\n1953 and shipped to its current resting place in 1955. It’s seen storm,
\nfire and adventure. It’s watched the construction of the interstates
\nand, through it all, it’s stood as a local landmark. Cherished by
\ntravelers and locals alike, Gleason Mount is famous for its
\ncrumble-crust hot apple pie and meat loaf, with a steaming dollop of
\nDoris Gleason’s cloud-like mashed potatoes on the side.<\/p>\n
Most important of all, Gleason Mount is home to Miss Coral. Miss Coral
\nreceived her typing degree from Frostburg Secretarial School in 1957
\nand took a job waitressing at the Gleason Mount for the summer. She
\nnever left.<\/p>\n
Scientists have flocked to Gleason Mount in recent months after a new
\nreport showed that Miss Coral was an important record of climate change
\nin the last half of the 20th century. Researchers say that current
\nfindings could help us better predict future climate changes due to
\nMiss Coral’s keen observation of weather patterns.<\/p>\n
Armed with over 1000 samples of Miss Corals wisdom, dutifully recorded
\nin her daily “Weather Almanac,” researchers were able to trace weather
\npatterns back 112 years and accurately predict the next 14 years worth
\nof crop yields and human fertility cycles.<\/p>\n
Data also revealed a 13 year cycle in which the light from the autumnal
\nequinox passed over an Indian hieroglyph carved some 2000 years ago and
\nlocated 13 miles outside of Flintstone. Miss Coral believes that if a
\nwoman conceives a child beneath this stone at a specific time then the
\nchild’s sex will be male.<\/p>\n
Climate researchers had previously visited Miss Coral in the hopes of
\nfinding patterns in the 3 to 7 year cycle called El Nino, but to no
\navail.<\/p>\n
“I don’t know nuthin’ ’bout no Mexican lady. But I do know that them
\nstorms come fierce – yessirree – fierce and cold if you be turnin’ your
\nface from God now, ya hear?”<\/p>\n
Researchers agree that Miss Coral’s weather wisdom may provide more important answers to the changing world of global climate.<\/p>\n
“This new, highly accurate Coral record shows that there are processes
\nthat connect weather on time scales longer than El Ni\u00f1o,” said Chas
\nNewman, a distinguished geology professor who first discovered Miss
\nCoral in 1972 while on his way to Morgantown, West Virginia. “The
\nfindings from Coral are vital for long-range forecasting and
\npredictability.”<\/p>\n
While the current presidential administration has forbidden scientists
\nto research the wisdom of Miss Coral in relation to global warming, a
\nrogue team of young researchers at the University of Maryland has made
\nan informal study.<\/p>\n
“They were brilliant,” said faculty chair Edna Galbraith of the UMD
\nCollege Park campus. “There were eight of them in the beginning, and
\nthey first began to study the evidence of global warming in Coral’s
\nrecords several years ago. When Bush was elected, however, and the
\ngovernment ban on global warming meetings went into effect, things
\nlooked grim. But those dear hearts continued their research in secret.
\nThen, one by one, they began to vanish. Their leader, senior Ken
\nMcDonnell, reappeared a week later. He told me that he ‘Loved the
\nVisitors’ and that he felt the ‘Imperious Leader was fair and kind.’ He
\nwas also using his left hand instead of his right hand, which was odd,
\nand he kept cursing the other rebel scientists. He also had frequent
\ndinners with Diana, the second in command of the mothership hovering
\nabove Los Angeles.”<\/p>\n
Coral’s Weather Almanac:<\/p>\n
February 12th, 1965: Gona be dem big uns. Storm a-coming and I can feel it in my leg!<\/p>\n
June 14th, 1972: Dat wind is callin. The wind be gone through straight and narrow, just whip them all away – see if it don’t!<\/p>\n
November 27th, 1980: There be rain, rain. Nothin but dat cold rain come on down.<\/p>\n
March 5th, 1985: I ain’t never see no storm this hard before. It late
\nfor snow, but that snow come anyway. You can’t say no to God and snow.<\/p>\n
May 12th, 1994: The new city’s stars have aligned. It will fall in
\nflames, and speak with the dragon. The shadow will walk the earth and
\nthe prince of the east will shake hands with the bear.<\/p>\n
Kids Korner: Where is the Tropical Pacific Ocean?<\/p>\n
Hello kids and welcome to Yesterday’s Weather. Today’s question: Where is the tropical Pacific Ocean?<\/p>\n
The tropical Pacific Ocean is located between the Tropic of Cancer and the Tropic of Capricorn. There you go!<\/p>\n
Next time on kid’s korner: Where are the Tropics of Cancer and Capricorn?<\/p>\n
Oh, I can’t fool you! They’re on opposite ends of the tropical Pacific Ocean!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[352],"tags":[353],"class_list":["post-2477","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gsarchive","tag-gs-archive-2004-2008"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2477","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2477"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2477\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2828,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2477\/revisions\/2828"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2477"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2477"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2477"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}