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My name is John Thomas Twofist.\u00a0 Since the new Greatsociety has encouraged contributors to use their real names, it’s a proud moment to “come out” here on the front page with my real identity.<\/p>\n
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I am half Cherokee, half Irish and half Polish.\u00a0 When I was 15, I took the name Twofist.\u00a0 My mother said, as she birthed me in the reservation’s Bastard Tent, that she held two fists in the air.\u00a0 For some time, I had considered taking the name Twofisted Shrieking.\u00a0 In Native American tradition, the child is named after the first thing the mother sees.\u00a0 I have worked hard to encourage my sister to take the name Sally Thomas Nurse Jenkins, but she has left her Native American roots behind and now lives in Encino with an anglo dentist.<\/p>\n
My father was anglo, but he left mom before he even knew she was pregnant.\u00a0 My mother worked at Happy’s All Night out on Jefferson Highway.\u00a0 She was only a waitress, so don’t get any funny ideas.\u00a0 My father was the only man she had been with on the afternoon I was conceived.<\/p>\n
Isn’t it just like the Anglos to leave their children behind?<\/p>\n
I was raised on the reservation and, later, moved to Encino to live with my treacherous sister, but she soon demanded that I leave her house and even accused me of selling dope, which is a lie and all of the charges you may have heard about are false.\u00a0 The anglo police sided with my sister because she was wealthy and I, in their jaded eyes, was just an Indian.\u00a0 A redskin.\u00a0 I’ve heard it all before.\u00a0 There is no place for us in the anglo world unless, like my sister, we abandon our heritage and dye our hair.\u00a0 She dyes her hair.\u00a0 She’s really going grey.<\/p>\n
I am glad for this opportunity to write, and I was thrilled when my publishers here told me that I could write under my given name and, for the first time, write from the heart.\u00a0 That is why I have chosen to discuss an important topic to all Native American men:\u00a0 Masturbation.<\/p>\n
I once dated a woman named Meredith.\u00a0 She was one-third Shawnee, so don’t let the name fool you.\u00a0 Her great-grandmother set out with a group of families during the gold rush and ended up in Indian Territory where a tribe of kindly Shawnee saved her from certain death.\u00a0 Unfortunately, no one else in her group survived.\u00a0 She lived with the Shawnee and birthed many children over the years until the cruel and unforgiving US soldiers wiped out her saviors and took her back to the anglo world.\u00a0 There are some pictures of Meredith’s great grandmother in her later years.\u00a0 I’m an avid photographer and I love those antique photographs.\u00a0 Though the woman in the photos always averts her face, due to extensive scarring, I can tell that she is proud and strong.<\/p>\n
Meredith was a good and supportive woman.\u00a0 She took me in after my anglo-loving sister kicked me out.\u00a0 I moved to Wichita with Meredith.\u00a0 She would leave me in the end, and that was truly heartbreaking. Though I love to travel, I could not leave Kansas because there were warrants for my arrest in Nebraska, Colorado, Missouri and Oklahoma.\u00a0 I understand why she had to leave because there’s not much to do in Kansas.<\/p>\n
As a young boy on the reservation and well into my adulthood, I had worked hard on my masturbation schedule.\u00a0 In Cherokee tradition, masturbation cleanses the body and soul of demons.\u00a0 As a spiritual exercise, it is very important to practice the ritual at least three times a day.\u00a0 Having perfected this schedule at the appropriate intervals, I was troubled when I entered my relationship with Meredith.\u00a0 She asked, after only a month under our shared roof, that I refrain from what she called “excessive masturbation.”\u00a0 I pleaded with her to look back to her Shawnee roots, but she insisted that her people had no such practice.\u00a0 I came to wonder if the historical stereotypes about the Shawnee may be true – from bestiality right up to the curious fact that all the Shawnee in New York called in sick on September 11th, 2001.\u00a0 This is not only true with the Shawnee but also the Hopi.\u00a0 I guess the Navajo were right all along.<\/p>\n
During the term of my relationship with Meredith I became an expert in how and where a man can masturbate when in a serious relationship with a woman.\u00a0 First:\u00a0 Let the woman shop.\u00a0 The strain on your household budget will soon be forgotten when you cleanse yourself of impurities.\u00a0 Luckily for me, I was not employed when I was with Meredith, so my afternoon session was never interrupted.\u00a0 For those of you who work, there is little choice but the bathroom stall at your office.\u00a0 I understand your hesitation but, trust me, everyone does it.<\/p>\n
In the morning, there is the shower.\u00a0 I learned that the shower can be very productive for cleansing impurities.\u00a0 At night, I became a night owl and waited until Meredith went to bed.<\/p>\n
These are very easy solutions and I hope you all will practice them in your daily lives.\u00a0 It is my belief that many relationships will be strengthened by your observation of this vital ritual.\u00a0 It is not just Cherokee, it is all humanity, who will benefit.\u00a0 Despite the continued brutality shown against my kind by the Anglos, I have come to realize that we are all brothers and sisters beneath the great sky and in the eyes of Father Sun.<\/p>\n
Thank you for reading.\u00a0 May the Earth walk with you in light.<\/p>\n
{mosimage}<\/p>\n
John Thomas Twofist
\n\u00a9 December, 2004<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[352],"tags":[353],"class_list":["post-2463","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gsarchive","tag-gs-archive-2004-2008"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2463","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2463"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2463\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2862,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2463\/revisions\/2862"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2463"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2463"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2463"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}