<\/p>\n
I’m not the first to say it, but I do want to go on record. The coming
\nproblem – the future crisis – isn’t in some desert oil nation. No, our
\ndalliance with the Mideast is only a minor distraction in between
\nserious trouble. Our coming problem is the new boss, same as the old
\nboss. Russia.<\/p>\n
People laugh when I say that and, admittedly, I am typically
\nAmerican. I read the first sentence of a news article, say fuck it, and
\nmove on to something calm about dogs being slaughtered and eaten in
\nsoutheast DC as part of a Satanic suicide cult ritual. So maybe I’m
\nwrong. Best to assume that. But Russia’s turning bad, and I think we’re
\ndoing it on purpose.<\/p>\n
Oh, we’re friends now, right? Not really, sadly enough. We were moving
\nwell with Bush I and Clinton, but then we sort of stalled. Not because
\nBush II is a cunt, but because Russia is dominated by a man our media
\nopenly refers to as a “benevolent autocrat.” That’s a cute one! Hey,
\nHitler did good things, too. And, man, did Stalin know how to run a big
\nfarm. Great moustache trimmers, those two. Loved them to bits. Can’t go
\nwrong.<\/p>\n
Hearing Putin apologists is shocking to me. Not only is he an
\nauthoritarian fuck who has quietly moved the country away from
\ndemocracy, but he just looks evil. At the very least you’d think we’d
\ndistrust him because of that! Hell, we don’t like Fidel because of the
\nbeard, how can Putin get away with his hatchet face? What are you doing
\ntoday, Weasel Man? Killing millions? Excellent, excellent. You’re very
\nbenevolent, tra-la-la.<\/p>\n
Now, by and large, who fucking cares? Good point. Except we’re doing strange things.<\/p>\n
At the end of March, we added Bulgaria, Romania, Slovenia, Slovakia,
\nEstonia, Latvia and Lithuania to NATO which, I suppose, is reason to
\ncelebrate or something. Yay NATO. I always wonder what NATO plans to do
\nif one of the member countries actually does get into trouble. You
\nknow, World War style. If Estonia does something retarded or the
\nnon-NATO world comes in on a secret treaty to blow up Latvia, what’s
\nthe rest of NATO going to do? Are we going to rush in to help? I know
\nwhat the American public will think. You’ll have to tell us Bin Laden,
\nHitler, Attila the Hun and Ted Kaczynski are having a summit meeting
\nsomewhere in the Estonian countryside to get us in there.<\/p>\n
What upsets me is that every NATO guide showing a map of member nations
\nalso lists “the former Soviet Union.” Now, ain’t that a kick in the
\nteeth? And what about the new NATO states, all former Soviet dominated
\ncountries? Are they the former-former Soviet Union? The most formerest?<\/p>\n
NATO hasn’t existed for “North Atlantic security” since the 50’s. It’s
\na Cold War hammer and everyone knows it. That means that our slow
\nencroachment right up to the borders of Russia is either (a) A clever
\njoke which Russia does not grasp or (b) A desperate attempt to get an
\narmy in Moscow before next winter. I don’t see any other possible
\nexplanation why we need to join up with Estonia, Bulgaria, Stinkyvania
\nor any of those corrupt shadow quasi-democracies whose primary export
\nis black market human organs. So this must be some sort of April Fool’s
\nthing we’re playing on Putin. “You’re surrounded! (long pause) Ha, ha,
\nha! Come on, Vlad, I’ll buy you a drink. Whew, boy! You shoulda seen
\nyour face!”<\/p>\n
I wondered this same thing when the Czech Republic came in — why do we
\nneed landlocked European nations in NATO? Nations that, historically,
\nhave always been a buffer between the west and Russia? The only thing
\nwe’re doing is boxing in snarky non-NATO people. I have no doubts that
\nPutin’s “benevolent autocracy” is going to freak out at some point.
\nBeing a cynic, my conclusion is that NATO’s encroachment through Europe
\nis a big fuck you. Like, go ahead, Ivan, go nuts. We’ve got you for
\nreal this time!<\/p>\n
Now, I wouldn’t have noticed or cared except for the first sentence of
\nan article I read on March 29th. Russia, of course, is a bit miffed
\nabout the NATO thing. Most places report that Russia is “uncomfortable”
\nwith the expansion but “quietly tolerant.” That doesn’t jive with what
\nKonstantin Kosachyov, head of the international affairs committee in
\nRussia’s lower house of parliament said: “If significant NATO military
\nbases appear near Russia’s borders and change the balance of forces in
\nthis region, then we can’t exclude the possibility that Russia will
\nconsider the possibility of taking corresponding action so that the
\nbalance is not breached…”<\/p>\n
Asked, does he mean nuclear expansion, his answer was, yes, if necessary.<\/p>\n
Oh my fucking God!<\/p>\n
And that slips right by? The reporter is like, hmmm, so, anyway, I love your little dolls. Meanwhile, in Iraq…<\/p>\n
I mean, as soon as he said yes, I expected to hear plates hit the
\nkitchen floor in the newsroom. We’re not worried? Here’s this hardcore
\nex KGB fuck running a country where democracy is quietly failing
\n(because the people are monkeys), is impoverished, suffers from
\nwidespread corruption and maintains a large military which has a “low
\nmorale.” I like it when they say that. Aw, poor guys. Poor, murdering,
\nheavily armed, convinced that they should conquer the world in the name
\nof Communism former Red Army guys. Oh, and Putin’s sitting on the
\nremnants of a military machine which, while admittedly outdated
\n(though, thanks to us, not entirely so), can still burn the world to a
\ncinder. I feel the need to remind everyone of that fact. Like, if you
\nhave the same amount of ICBM’s as Saddam had Republican Guards, which
\nshould you fear more? You have ten minutes to complete your answer.<\/p>\n
Rule number one: Don’t trust a country which constantly complains about
\nlow morale in their bloated military. Let’s put the shoe on the other
\nfoot. What would the world think if America were, say, tied up in a war
\nwith Cuba in an obvious attempt to control territory and keep their
\nwell-armed, low morale military distracted while, meanwhile, the
\ncountry was taken over by a “benevolent dictator” and, then, he turned
\naround and said that the encroachment of an European alliance was
\npissing him off and a “serious threat”?<\/p>\n
Go ahead. What would the world think? It would be mass hysteria. Yet, Russia falls below the radar.<\/p>\n
“NATO’s steps have had an unfriendly character toward Russia.” Konstantin Kosachyov, again.<\/p>\n
Is he just rattling a saber? Not really.<\/p>\n
As you read this, we’re moving a fighter division into Lithuania.
\nWhat’s their job? Glad you asked. The American fighters will be
\nconducting regular reconnaissance missions near Russia’s border. Why?
\nNo one knows but the Candy Man.<\/p>\n
Also, as you read this, Russian jets are being moved into position.
\nThey’ll be flying regular missions along the border, too. One, big,
\nhappy family. Right?<\/p>\n
Maybe Kosachyov is just a big, bad Ruskie, eh? No, he’s moved by this: “This is a development no one wanted.”<\/p>\n
Well, somebody wants it, no? Perhaps Bush II is setting up the ultimate Kingmaker – a new Cold War.<\/p>\n
“If a NATO plane violates the air space, shoot it down without ceremony
\nand be done with it. A warplane is a warplane. After all, they are not
\nflying for their own pleasure.” General Anatoly Kornukov. Pulls some
\nweight with the Russian Air Force which, of course, suffers from low
\nmorale.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, Russia is also being boxed in by the EU, which expands dramatically in April, as well.<\/p>\n
Now, this is as much their fault as ours. They’ve fallen away from
\nworking closely with the West, and they seem to want nothing to do with
\nus. They’re glad for partnership, but not for these organizations. I
\ncan understand that, but the more they cold shoulder us, the more we do
\nthis kind of shit. While I don’t expect Russia to go nuts tomorrow, it
\nis beyond irresponsible for us to ignore the plight of these nations.
\nIf every nation from the Ukraine to Central Asia turns into a tripped
\nout authoritarian state run by dictators and sitting on an
\nextraordinary amount of nuclear and conventional weapons, and ruling
\nover the people who can build more, then there’s an issue. Let’s talk
\nin modern terms. These are nations that could provide the ultimate home
\nto terrorism. Those aren’t little dust bunny countries over there,
\nkids. Imagine if, say, Georgia was home to Bin Laden and Bush went in
\nto topple them… Well, day one, World War III. Not only does Georgia
\nhave full nuclear capability and a strong army, but an American, UN or
\nNATO attack would have to walk on eggshells or they’d pull all of those
\nformer Soviet Republics right down on top of them. Would Putin stand
\nidle if we had to strike deep into what he and the people of Russia
\nconsider their sphere of influence?<\/p>\n
Already, Georgia and the Ukraine are the next nations to stand on the
\nbalance. They are viewed as rightful parts of Russia and it’s just a
\ntiny hairline that keeps Putin from going after them. Hell, it’s just
\nthe crisis in Chechnya that keeps him from moving in. And these are
\nnations that have quietly begged us for assistance, but we casually
\nignore the situation. Europe doesn’t, but the US does, and that still
\nhurts when we blow something off. We got mad at Georgia and Ukraine
\nbecause we felt they weren’t using our financial aid to its full
\npotential, so we let them run dry and ignored further pleas.<\/p>\n
Georgia just went through a non-violent revolution that re-introduced
\ndemocracy, but they’re a wreck after 14 years of gunplay and goofing
\naround. If they don’t get help, they’ll sink. Plain and simple. They’ll
\neither return to Russia or become the next freaked out shithole that
\nwe’ll have to get involved in because they’re killing too many
\nchildren.<\/p>\n
Ukraine has elections in a few months that could very well spell doom,
\nif they’re mishandled, or success for democracy, if the west takes
\nnotice. There’s a weighty movement in the Ukraine to return to Russia,
\nand all Putin needs is an excuse to roll in there. An excuse such as,
\nsay, a tinpot tyrant fucking people over. Keep the peace. Take over.
\nEasy. Hell, we do it for breakfast.<\/p>\n
Oh, I’m sorry. I’m acting like I’m living life at the end of the
\nAmerican Century and everything I believed in is crumbling around me in
\nthe new and fearful America the Vincible. The truth is, though, that
\nit’s morning again in America! The Russians have just threatened a
\nmilitary buildup in response to NATO encroachment, Putin’s democratic
\nvalues are called into question with every passing minute and everyone
\nhas an axe to grind. Any day now — Cold War II! Terrorism falls by the
\nwayside and we stand toe to toe with Russia, Inc. Let’s pretend.<\/p>\n
Then…what happens? A new economic bubble rises and we all start Under the threat of M.A.D., we’ll be able to adopt a legitimate We’ll stop reading about Iraq and start reading about Russian, Inc. spies every day.<\/p>\n Maybe there’ll be a skirmish in Latvia? A U2 shot down! You have 30 There are approximately 1200 Russia, Inc. tanks on the Romanian border. My fellow Americans, we once again meet the Evil Empire face to face…<\/p>\n Are you now or have you ever been a member of Russia, Inc’s Corporate Mass protests today in Sofia as Bulgarians insist on leaving NATO…. My fellow Americans. Today, as you know, Bulgaria and Romania have left NATO. This cannot go unanswered…<\/p>\n Hello America, this is David Yan in Latvia. With NATO failing in Save Latvia! Save Latvia!<\/p>\n NATO forces, today, stream into the Baltic nations as the Czech We don’t like that distinction, James. Europe is one entity. We are not My God… My God… That’s… There’s… Shooting. There’s something. I don’t know if you can see the skyline. There’s…<\/p>\n That was John Chen in Berlin an hour ago. We have since lost his signal…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[352],"tags":[111,353],"class_list":["post-2460","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gsarchive","tag-commentary","tag-gs-archive-2004-2008"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2460","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2460"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2460\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2867,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2460\/revisions\/2867"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2460"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2460"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2460"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nmaking money again. We’ll be given a new sense of purpose and duty. The
\npoor and the disenfranchised will be drafted and head out to Estonia
\nand Bulgaria to shore up the borders. Cocaine will come back into
\nfashion. Bush will become lovable and amusing instead of terrifying and
\nevil. Red Menace movies like Red Dawn<\/em> and Gotcha<\/em>
\nwill come back into fashion (WOLVERINES!!!!), we’ll get the chance to
\nwear friendship bracelets and buy Eastern-Europe-Aid CD’s featuring all
\nof our favorite artists.<\/p>\n
\nfatalistic “Ground Zero” attitude that is the source of endless party
\njokes and a cavalier attitude towards life.<\/p>\n
\ndays to return the pilot…. Warships on the move. Where’s the pilot?
\nToday, we have footage of USAF Lieutenant Jerry Smith. “I love you
\nStacey, I love my daughters.” Release Jerry Smith now! Smith, Smith,
\nSmith! Jerry Smith has been released today and welcomed his family at
\nthe airport in Berlin. The Jerry Smith story and America’s struggle
\nwith Russia, Inc. Tonight on Dateline.<\/p>\n
\nBut can we support a conventional war, Dr. Martinak? Well, Jim, I’m
\nglad you asked that question….<\/p>\n
\nChain of Command? Today, CEO Marty Davies denied that he had been part
\nof Russia, Inc’s Corporate structure, however he did stay at Putin’s
\nsummer mansion for two weeks in 2004. Is this true? Yes, sir, it is
\ntrue. To the roar of a crowd, Marty Davies was led away to…<\/p>\n
\nThis is Jacob Rosenstein in Bulgaria. Can you hear me Tom? Tom? Am I
\ncoming through? There are riots in the streets here…I….I don’t know
\nif you’re seeing this…but…<\/p>\n
\nEastern Europe, and Russia Inc moving to occupy former NATO nations,
\nthe Baltic’s are growing nervous. Latvia is home to an ancient people…<\/p>\n
\nRepublic falls to Russia, Inc’s financial terrorism. Poland and the
\nBaltic’s are all that remain between Russia, Inc and Western Europe.<\/p>\n
\nEastern and Western. It is this thinking that has brought NATO to its
\nknees in the east…<\/p>\n