{"id":245,"date":"2008-10-21T08:52:54","date_gmt":"2008-10-21T13:52:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/?p=245"},"modified":"2018-10-31T09:33:26","modified_gmt":"2018-10-31T13:33:26","slug":"hating-dc","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/?p=245","title":{"rendered":"Hating DC"},"content":{"rendered":"

I subscribe to about 300 blogs, so it\u2019s impossible for me to recall where I saw any particular story\u2026especially when 299 of the blogs are pretty much dominated by useless fluff.\u00a0 But I did see something the other day about one of the writers for Why I Hate DC<\/a> not finding enough stuff to hate (and being \u201cfired\u201d from the blog).<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Obviously, they\u2019re not a native, because I have not yet run out of stuff to hate about the city where I was born.\u00a0 And though my family quickly retreated to the near suburbs, I\u2019ve never lived more than a few miles from the festering border of this demented little town we call a city.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s driving.\u00a0 Not traffic.\u00a0 Driving.\u00a0 The lunacy of the Beltway, which feels like an overcrowded version of Death Race 2000<\/em>, and the erratic surface streets in the city itself.\u00a0 Oh, they say it all makes since.\u00a0 It\u2019s all Lafayette\u2019s grid!\u00a0 It\u2019s the wave of the future (trademark 17-fucking-90)!<\/p>\n

I think, in reality, the streets were laid along the tracks of cloven-hoofed footprints left in the bedrock by Satan after a hard night of drinking in 1645.<\/p>\n

Then there\u2019s the gentrification.\u00a0 The neo-yuppie Yankee whites making insane landgrabs for lousy renovated rowhouses and condos and pricing out the black people in what can best be described as some weird passive-aggressive apartheid.<\/p>\n

Sure, DC\u2019s always been segregated, but at least the blacks were living where the blacks had always lived for 150 years.\u00a0 Now they\u2019re being rounded up and shipped out to a reservation known as PG County, much to Maryland\u2019s dismay.\u00a0 Thanks for the disenfranchised, poverty-stricken thousands!<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, all the natives who have survived in the city, or spend all day slaving away at a desk in the city, have to put up with these prancing, child-raping, conservative, gentrificationees walking their shit-filled lapdogs and demanding salty-sweet caramel cocoa Starbucks coffee at their neighborhood Harris fucking Teeter.<\/p>\n

Any I Hate DC blogger worth their salt would have endless material just after a night at a bar in Capitol Hill where the vacuous interns from both parties huddle like pitiful, declawed monsters and talk in their rural accents and foul our women with their grimy paws.\u00a0 And god forbid you get a group that wants to talk to you \u2013 Yee-haw is you a naytive?! We\u2019s jus\u2019 hyar with Congreaseman Jethro Modine!<\/p>\n

Was\u2026was I fucking talking to you.\u00a0 Do I know you?\u00a0 Was I even looking at you?<\/p>\n

I could have a weekly article where I talk to people who had a fender bender or something in Rock Creek Park and had to call the police, except that I don\u2019t know how to describe that jurisdictional fuckery in words.\u00a0 I\u2019d be happy just forgetting about it and driving home with a crumpled front end.<\/p>\n

Then there\u2019s the weather.\u00a0 Or, rather, the reaction to the weather.\u00a0 The runs on the grocery store for perishable foods in the event the power goes out during a light dusting of snow.\u00a0 The Washington Post<\/em> \u2013 worthy of another weekly regular Why I Hate DC subject \u2013 can instill the fear of snow on 80 degree days.\u00a0 For example.<\/a><\/p>\n

Really?\u00a0 Come on.\u00a0 We were in the height of an Indian Summer when they posted that, and everyone I know who reads that idiot fucking blog was murmuring prayers that haven\u2019t been heard for 1500 years.<\/p>\n

Anyway, as far as I can tell, The<\/em> Post<\/em> is written for four year olds.\u00a0 But it\u2019s still better than the City Paper<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Our lack of any viable mainstream or alternative media aside, the biggest complaint about DC has to be our woeful and antiquated public transportation.\u00a0 Our Metro is thrown down with no foresight.\u00a0 And I don\u2019t mean: DC 2525!\u00a0 I mean they didn\u2019t even have the foresight to figure out what to do when a train breaks down.\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe trains didn\u2019t break down in the 70\u2019s?<\/p>\n

Being that DC is, secretly, a small town, nobody knows how to commute.\u00a0 The whole stand on the right and walk on the left thing?\u00a0 That\u2019s universal.\u00a0 That\u2019s every subway in the world.\u00a0 It\u2019s also the rules in driving.\u00a0 Our whole lives are built around slow people standing over the fuck there and keeping out of the way.<\/p>\n

And what\u2019s with the swinging arms?\u00a0 You\u2019re in a crowd of people rushing for the Metro and you\u2019re walking with arms swinging out like one of those power walk assholes?\u00a0 If you want to grab my dick so bad, just ask.\u00a0 Oh, and, BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS!\u00a0 Because I\u2019m about a breath away from coming at you with a knife, so it would really be in your best interest to keep an eye out.<\/p>\n

And the fucking tourists.\u00a0 Do they ship in especially stupid people?\u00a0 The Metro was designed by and for retarded people.\u00a0 I can put a coat and a hat on an ape and he\u2019ll be able to find his way from Glenmont to Rosslyn.\u00a0 It\u2019s not hard.\u00a0 The Smithsonian is at\u2026wait for it\u2026the Smithsonian stop!\u00a0 Arlington Cemetery is at\u2026ready?\u00a0 Arlington Cemetery!\u00a0 Yay!<\/p>\n

Hell, 90% of the sites are all in one place.\u00a0 Get off at Smithsonian, walk up to the Mall, spin around in a circle, and you\u2019re done.\u00a0 Go home.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I subscribe to about 300 blogs, so it\u2019s impossible for me to recall where I saw any particular story\u2026especially when 299 of the blogs are pretty much dominated by useless fluff.\u00a0 But I did see something the other day about …<\/p>\n

Hating DC<\/span> Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[151,399],"class_list":["post-245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dc","tag-blogs","tag-dc"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/245","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=245"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/245\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1029,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/245\/revisions\/1029"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=245"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=245"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=245"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}