<\/p>\n
My old friend James and I, after a night of debauchery and sin, settled
\nin front of the computer and surfed on over to Greatsociety.org,
\nbecause I like to get out the laser pointer and deliver 45 minute
\nlectures about my articles. Did you know, for example, that I allude to
\nanal sex 17 times in other articles? But don’t let that distract you.
\nOur mission was to send suggestive private messages to our female
\nmembers.<\/p>\n
It was brought to my attention by those icky girls who write
\nfor the page that we have more chicks (to use a formal term) on the
\nmember list than guys. While Rotting Corpse often says that this is a
\ndirect result of his “enormous penis and deeply romantic heart,” I
\nthink it’s because women are able to read and enjoy certain articles
\nwhile men only sign up as members in the hopes of seeing the picture
\nseries titled “Blue and Jezebel: Clam-Slammers.”<\/p>\n
At the risk of driving away our male audience, I’ll confess right now
\nthat the “Clam-Slammer” series consists of 172 pictures of Blue and
\nJezebel at Chincoteague in 1995, devouring a serving of clams on a
\nsummer day while a spotted dog frolics in the background. You can flip
\nthrough them like a movie, which is something I do almost every night.
\nMainly because the dog is having a total meltdown or something…it’s
\nreally funny. The last 12 frames, however, show a black-robed figure
\nmoving towards Blue without, apparently, touching the ground. The
\nfigure is surrounded in shadows which seem to radiate outward, pushing
\nagainst the glittering sky and seaside sun. James says it’s a camera
\nflare, but every time I show one of those pictures to my aunt’s cat she
\nstarts acting like she did that time there was a 2.3 earthquake in
\nMississippi eight years ago.<\/p>\n
Regardless, I do believe the girls when they say that chicks are coming
\nto gs.org in droves. It was time to act because, one thing was for
\nsure, I was staring at those Clam-Slammer pictures a bit too much. Hey,
\nI’m a 29 year old writer with deeply rooted social, sexual and
\nrelationship issues, permanent nerve damage and an overwhelming desire
\nto remove myself from all human contact. The perfect companion! There’s
\nno doubt about it, I need to be part of a young woman’s life so I can
\nmake her fall in love with me then act dismissive and, ultimately,
\nbetray her when she asks for a commitment, yet continue to make her
\nfeel cheap and used through a six month period of post-breakup sex. How
\ncan anyone deny that?<\/p>\n
It really was time to start PM’ing all the girls at Greatsociety.<\/p>\n