![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/elevator500.jpg\")
<\/p>\nI\u2019ve been stealing signs since I was a kid.\u00a0 It\u2019s a compulsion, I guess, and I\u2019ve gotten it somewhat under control.\u00a0 Yes, I have a storage shed half full of all sorts of weird signs from several different countries \u2013 a few smuggled across borders at great effort.\u00a0 But, at home, I\u2019ve only decided to display my absolute favorites.\u00a0 After all, I\u2019m all grown up now.<\/p>\n
Right?
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I\u2019ll start out with the simple ones.\u00a0 The basic signs that everyone steals which, for me, represent different stages of my life.\u00a0 From my old apartment building comes the elevator certificate place holder.\u00a0 The rental office was never open, so who knows if they bothered to ever have the elevator inspected.<\/p>\n
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Then, of course, we have bathroom signs.\u00a0 From my current two jobs:<\/p>\n
![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/mensroom500.jpg\")
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![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/womensroom.jpg\")
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![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/ladiesroom.jpg\")
\nHere\u2019s a memento from the little bookstore where I worked for about 10 years:<\/p>\n
![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/special.jpg\")
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Then I have a series of for sale signs from houses.\u00a0 By far, the \u201cFor Sale,\u201d \u201cFor Rent,\u201d and \u201cUnder Contract\u201d signs are the most common.\u00a0 I have tons of those.\u00a0 But, every once in a while, a special sign catches my eye.\u00a0 When it does, I usually return under cover of darkness and grab it.\u00a0 My two favorite are currently on display.\u00a0 \u201cToo Late,\u201d from a small house on Beech Drive in Chevy Chase, MD, stolen in 1991:<\/p>\n
![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/toolate.jpg\")
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And another high school favorite, this one from a house near my friend\u2019s place, also in Chevy Chase.\u00a0 Here pictured with a gate closed sign stolen in 2006 from the abandoned apartment building (now remodeled and fully gentrified) across from my old place.
\n![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/gateclosed.jpg\")
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From my college town \u2013 Elkins, WV \u2013 comes one of my favorite little signs.\u00a0 A nasty Chinese restaurant used to occupy the downstairs of the semi-abandoned health clinic.\u00a0 To get to the bathrooms, you had to walk through creepy hospital hallways and, inexplicably, each bathroom had this sign hanging over the door on the inside.\u00a0 I ripped one off the wall while having sex with a 55 year old woman.\u00a0 She was bent over the toilet, taking it like a champ, and I reached up and tore the sign free.\u00a0 I think I almost gave her a heart attack.<\/p>\n
![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/radiation.jpg\")
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My most recent sign (last Sunday morning) is from my weekend job, which is also where that little bookstore is located.\u00a0 I like blue.<\/p>\n
Also pictured is the big snow and ice sign, stolen from the public parking lot near my old apartment.\u00a0 I set my alarm for 3am, then went out and grabbed it, scurrying back home with full knowledge that about a dozen cameras were recording my every action.<\/p>\n
![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/snow.jpg\")
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Years of commuting on the Metro has afforded me the opportunity to steal a ton of signs.\u00a0 The once ubiquitous yellow Smartrip signs dominated the system when the reusable plastic fare card was first introduced:<\/p>\n
![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/smartrip.jpg\")
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Of course, the prize is the placards that go in the front of the train.\u00a0 These are stored in the operator\u2019s booth which, in this post-9\/11 world, is impossible to open.\u00a0 You need\u2026wait for it\u2026a credit card.\u00a0 Just slide it into the jamb and it pops the door, then you can sit in the operator\u2019s chair and press all sorts of scary buttons.\u00a0 Behind the chair are all the signs, so you can get a complete collection in just one go.\u00a0 On paper, it\u2019s an easy collection, as there are only three signs.\u00a0 Red\/Yellow, Blue\/Orange, and Green\/White.<\/p>\n
The trouble is getting them out of the station.\u00a0 Each one is 18×18 inches, and you\u2019ve got wandering eyes everywhere.\u00a0 Not only your fellow riders, but then cops and attendants at the station when you exit.<\/p>\n
I have a huge, bulky winter coat, which is perfect for hiding the signs.\u00a0 Finding an empty car is, typically, easiest on the Red Line route to Glenmont.\u00a0 Late at night on a Friday or Saturday, you can find an empty car at some point after Silver Spring.\u00a0 It took weeks for me to get it right, but I finally found myself alone and with a screwdriver.\u00a0 Always a dangerous combination.\u00a0 I popped the door to the operator\u2019s booth, grabbed the sign, slipped it up my back under the coat, and then walked out at Glenmont like I was wearing a big brace.<\/p>\n
Nobody is really paying attention, though I sweated a bit when the cops stopped talking to stare at me.\u00a0 Running isn\u2019t really an option with a big square pressed against your back.<\/p>\n
![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/redline.jpg\")
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![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/greenline.jpg\")
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On the flipside of the Green Line sign is the mysterious White Line.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been told this is for the money trains, or special service, but in a lifetime of riding the Metro I\u2019ve never seen it used.<\/p>\n
![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/whiteline.jpg\")
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Of course, the real prize of my collection is the no trespassing sign from the rail platform at Brampton, England, in Cumbria<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s my favorite place in the UK, and I try to stay there once a year.\u00a0 Though I haven\u2019t visited since 2006, sadly.\u00a0 I always do the same thing when I stay \u2013 take the little two car train from either Carlisle or Newcastle, get off at the station, walk the mile through the woods to the town, and then have a nice dinner.\u00a0 The next morning is a three mile walk through forest (and, occasionally, along the road) to Lanercost Priory<\/a> and Hadrian\u2019s Wall, then hike back along the same route.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of those day long wanders, across field and stream, through forest and hills.\u00a0 I feel the most at peace in the world when I\u2019m walking that trail.\u00a0 If I had the money, I\u2019d relocate to Brampton and take that same hike as often as possible.<\/p>\n The last time I visited, while waiting for the infrequent train, I unscrewed the trespassing sign from the fence and stowed it at the bottom of my duffel bag.\u00a0 It traveled with me from Brampton to the Isle of Lewis in the Outer Hebrides, then back down to London over a month-long period.\u00a0 Then came the flight home, where the guards searching through my bags didn\u2019t seem to notice or care.<\/p>\n I still keep an eye peeled at all times for interesting signs, though I don\u2019t range as far now that I\u2019ve become a commuter slave and work seven days a week.\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019ll pick up a few additions to my collection this winter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve been stealing signs since I was a kid.\u00a0 It\u2019s a compulsion, I guess, and I\u2019ve gotten it somewhat under control.\u00a0 Yes, I have a storage shed half full of all sorts of weird signs from several different countries \u2013 …<\/p>\n![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/bramptonsign.jpg\")
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