As we all move deeper into blog culture, there\u2019s something that\u2019s really starting to become a serious pet peeve:\u00a0 That desperate attempt to start a conversation in the comments area.
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\nYou know \u2013 either the \u201copen threads,\u201d where the blogger puts up a blank post and encourages people to chat away like it\u2019s a BBS or a forum or something.\u00a0 Or the stilted questions:\u00a0 I like sex, food, and sleeping.\u00a0 What about you?\u00a0 I think it would be really bad to get shot in the face.\u00a0 What do you think?\u00a0 I bet you wouldn\u2019t want me to tear out your throat with my teeth\u2026would you?\u00a0 Let me know in the comments below!<\/p>\n
The only possible explanation for this is that we\u2019ve all become so addled and lonely that a fucking blog post is our last, best hope for human contact.\u00a0 Otherwise, why would anyone want to hear from the internet at large?\u00a0 Even the vaguely intelligent people are barely paying attention and no longer have the ability or the wit to read 500 words.\u00a0 But the bulk of the people are idiots locked away in their sad little world.\u00a0 And those are the ones who scare me.\u00a0 The ones who actually make an attempt to provide some sort of involved answer to whatever idiot question the blogger has asked.\u00a0 Seriously?\u00a0 Is there a poison gas warning outside, maybe?\u00a0 Are you commenting from the safety of your shelter?\u00a0 Because okay, then.\u00a0 You\u2019re 20 years after the Apocalypse and you\u2019ve read Moby Dick<\/span> 14 times so you\u2019re losing your mind. I forgive you, in that case, for taking shit far too seriously and writing some deranged reply to the question: \u201cDo you like cheese?\u00a0 Let me known in the comments!\u201d<\/p>\n The internet has given voice to creatures we all should be seeking out and exterminating when we find them:\u00a0 The armchair psychologists.\u00a0 The pedantic college students.\u00a0 The enraged anoraks.\u00a0 If I had the energy, I\u2019d link to all the forums bitching about my assessment of the second season of Space:1999<\/span>, which I condemned on the old page<\/a>.<\/p>\n If a blogger is too lazy to update properly, then just take the day off.\u00a0 Don\u2019t spam our Google Reader with your open threads and collecting stray thoughts and funny links sent by mom and asinine conversation starters.<\/p>\n We\u2019re starting to treat blogging the way most of us go about our daily lives \u2013 ceaseless yammering because we\u2019re terrified of the silence.\u00a0 Because we\u2019re incapable of looking at our own faces in the mirror.\u00a0 Well, I\u2019m not included in that category.\u00a0 I may post the occasional humorous Piper Palin picture, or drunkenly complain about having nothing to complain about, but I\u2019m not afraid of the silence.\u00a0 I have important things to do.\u00a0 Like watch The Restaurant<\/a>.\u00a0 Jesus fucking Christ am I addicted to that stupid show.<\/p>\n