{"id":2381,"date":"2012-04-09T07:02:21","date_gmt":"2012-04-09T12:02:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/?p=2381"},"modified":"2018-10-29T22:01:15","modified_gmt":"2018-10-30T02:01:15","slug":"38","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/?p=2381","title":{"rendered":"38"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019re reading this, then that means [I\u2019ve initiated a highly volatile hostage situation<\/del>\/survived Easter]. Now that the last family-oriented holiday has passed, we enter six blissful months where I don\u2019t have to think about being a functional human being and can, instead, sit under a tree and drink and yell at my neighbors.
\n
\nThis is also the ramp-up to my birthday on May 10th, which I traditionally celebrate by taking a long weekend and\u2026uh\u2026sitting under a tree, drinking, and yelling at my neighbors. Though, this year, I\u2019ll probably be playing Skyrim in a darkened room while I listen to \u201cGoodbye Horses\u201d at top volume like Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs<\/em> because that\u2019s what cool cats do.<\/p>\n

I feel like this is a big year for me. If I can make it through my 30\u2019s without succumbing to some sort of out of control paranoid schizoid psychosis, then I\u2019ve broken the family tradition. So far, I\u2019ve yet to take anyone hostage, drive my car off a cliff, run naked down Georgia Avenue, commit outlandish white collar crimes, murder a hooker and bury her in Flinderation, WV, or collect ears from fallen enemies and ship them back to my loved ones for safekeeping. I\u2019ve managed to avoid being hunted by small blue men who live in my stomach, eating myself to death, and collecting the skulls of children.<\/p>\n

This alone, at 38, sets me above most of my family and is even something of a cause celebre at family reunions. I\u2019m the good son.<\/p>\n

But\u2026I still have a little ways to go before I officially break the record set by Great Uncle Mathias, who made it to 40 before he blew up his neighbor\u2019s barn because he\u2019d fallen in love with a sheep which was very vocal about what he should and shouldn\u2019t burn down next. Um\u2026allegedly.<\/p>\n

All this is build-up to talk about my Amazon Wishlist. Which is linked here<\/a>. And again right here<\/a> in case you missed that link.<\/p>\n

You can help me stave off my impending hereditary madness by helping me complete my Doctor Who DVD collection so I\u2019ll spend all my time at home watching every episode in order instead of listening to that fucking sheep who keeps screaming for blood! SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!! Jesus. Sorry about that. Fucking thing won’t shut up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019re reading this, then that means [I\u2019ve initiated a highly volatile hostage situation\/survived Easter]. Now that the last family-oriented holiday has passed, we enter six blissful months where I don\u2019t have to think about being a functional human being …<\/p>\n

38<\/span> Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2381","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rants"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2381","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2381"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2381\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2385,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2381\/revisions\/2385"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2381"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2381"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2381"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}