<\/p>\n
The Boble THE OLD TESTICLE<\/strong> In the beginning, there was BOB and Bob Heavens (where there is great sausage).\u00a0 But it was dark and BOB kept bumping into things, so he said: \u201cLet there be light!\u201d And there was light!\u00a0 BOB saw that this was a good thing, even if he did say so himself.\u00a0 But at night BOB still bumped into things, so he said: \u201cLet there be moon and stars and psychedelic black light!\u201d And there was!\u00a0 Thus passed the First Day and began the First Night where BOB attempted to set up a discotheque, thought better of the idea, and just went out for some ice cream instead.<\/p>\n On Monday – that being the inevitable \u2018next day\u2019 – BOB sat in a super-comfy lounge chair and looked out at the void before him.\u00a0 Feeling that something should share this vast space or, rather, feeling that he might as well finish the job, BOB said calmly:\u00a0 \u201cLet there be planets that orbit the stars!\u00a0 Let there be galaxies!\u00a0 Let the planets be equipped with water and soft-drink machines!\u00a0 Then place slime in the water and give it two quarters!\u00a0 Thus shall I allow the slime to crawl forth unto the fertile soil, grow into little fuzzy beasts, and buy soda.\u00a0 Got it?\u201d<\/p>\n And, lo, did it all come to pass?\u00a0 You bet your left handed masturbation break it did.\u00a0 The slime crawled forth unto the fertile soil and grew into fuzzy beasts that frolicked in the fields amongst the less-fortunate slime.\u00a0 The planetary soda machine, however, demanded seventy-five cents.\u00a0 The fuzzy beasts were one quarter short.\u00a0 In what was undoubtedly the most stunning example of caffeine withdrawal, the soda machine was lobbed into a volcano.<\/p>\n But, in Bob Heavens (where there is great sausage), BOB had grown lonely.\u00a0 Thus he created his disciples: two beings that wore mainly black, but not as a fashion statement or a sign of teenage angst.\u00a0 They wore black because BOB Heavens (where there is mythological sausage) was located above the dome of the Earth and, therefore, if you read your Torah, above the sun.\u00a0 So it was very cold up there.\u00a0 Of course, realistically, this was probably a random choice.\u00a0 Anyway, purple\u2019s the new black these days.\u00a0 But black will be back, so we\u2019ll keep it in the Boble.\u00a0 I\u2019m more of a \u2018Spring\u2019 myself.<\/p>\n \u201cGo forth,\u201d BOB said unto his new disciples (taking a sip of seventy-five cent soda), \u201cand preach to the fuzzy beasts of my existence.\u00a0 Mate with the less fuzzy fuzzy beasts, and taketh many wives.\u00a0 Populate my worlds with your offspring!\u00a0 But concentrate mainly on Earth!\u201d\u00a0 BOB paused dramatically, then continued:\u00a0 \u201cHere, you’ll need these.\u201d\u00a0 BOB reached into an inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out two pairs of super-cool, purple-tinted sunglasses.<\/p>\n \u201cWear these at all times!\u201d BOB commanded.<\/p>\n The two disciples then donned the reflective sunglasses, obscuring their eyes behind mirrors of purple.\u00a0 \u201cCool,\u201d they breathed in unison.\u00a0 Their awe was mainly in reaction to the psychedelic black light, which they could now see with the glasses.<\/p>\n \u201cNow go away and leave me alone,\u201d BOB growled, deciding that he didn’t really want company anyway.<\/p>\n And they did!\u00a0 The disciples took many wives, populating the universe with little disciples.\u00a0 Then it was night.<\/p>\n On the third day, BOB created a bunch of well-endowed women and took them to…. a movie! It was quite a good flick, a foreign jobby. BOB liked those foreign jobbies.<\/p>\n On the fourth day, BOB made a garden.\u00a0 There were tomatoes, and carrots, and snow peas, and…<\/p>\n On the fifth day, BOB made a bigger garden!\u00a0 He filled it with a lot of animals and plants, and then he grabbed a fuzzy beast by the tail and pissed down upon it.\u00a0 Thus the fuzzy beast was formed into what will hereafter be referred to as \u2018Man\u2019.<\/p>\n BOB spoke to his new creation, \u201cYou are Man!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you sure?\u201d asked Man.\u00a0 It was meant to be a joke, really.\u00a0 Man knew what he was because he had an uncontrollable urge to go pick up some crazy chicks.\u00a0 Either that or go get some cheeseburgers and catch that action flick at the cinema.\u00a0 You know, the foreign jobby?\u00a0 That heist flick?\u00a0 The one with\u2026and the gun\u2026well, you know.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d BOB asked, \u201cI…of course I\u2019m sure!\u00a0 What kind of question is that?\u201d<\/p>\n So Man knelt before BOB.\u00a0 (Yeah…crazy chicks…cool…)<\/p>\n \u201cThat’s better,\u201d BOB murmured.\u00a0 He put on a pair of spiffy, purple-reflective sunglasses and said. \u201cOkay, I’ll quiz ya on this later: Holy number is 808; holy color is purple; holy eyewear is purple-reflective sunglasses.\u00a0 Women play a key part in your existence, yet long term contact must be avoided.\u00a0 You are sort-of, indirectly, my son… A type of under-developed, inbred slime produced on the back steps with the chambermaid.\u00a0 But a son nonetheless.\u201d BOB looked about the garden.\u00a0 \u201cLike all children I love, but fear to be publicly associated with, I’m going to leave you on this newly formed planet.\u00a0 This garden is your new home.\u00a0 A paradise unmatched in all the cosmos.\u201d BOB paused, thought better of his comment, and added, \u201cWell\u2026this part of the cosmos.\u00a0 Be happy and be free.\u00a0 Be thou sure that thou dost not eat of the Sacred Tree of Eternal Hemorrhaging.\u00a0 And thus, I shall take my leave.\u201d BOB was about to make a dramatic exit when he remembered something. \u201cOh!\u00a0 I nearly forgot.\u00a0 Your task – as Man! – is to name every single plant and animal in this garden by morning.\u00a0 Good night!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo crazy chicks?\u201d Man asked.<\/p>\n \u201cNo crazy chicks.\u201d BOB replied.<\/p>\n \u201cBut…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood night.\u201d BOB repeated, a little tersely.<\/p>\n And with that, BOB left.<\/p>\n Man shrugged.\u00a0 He stood and glanced at the Sacred Tree – it looked fruity!\u00a0 But Man was horny, so he wandered off into the garden and tried sex with all the animals therein.\u00a0 A day later (BOB having forgotten the whole quiz in the morning thing), Man tended to various bruises and gashes.\u00a0 Once physically able, Man went to work on naming everything.\u00a0 He started with coffee because the whole morning thing? That was a bit too much.\u00a0 He made a quick note to talk with BOB about this, and then he composed a list of what he found in the garden\u2026<\/p>\n Next time on \u201cThe Boble\u201d \u2013 Women, Menstruation, and Falling From Grace<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[115,150],"class_list":["post-236","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boblehub-20","tag-boble","tag-old-testicle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=236"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1032,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236\/revisions\/1032"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=236"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=236"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=236"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n(In Technicolor!)
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nGENESIS<\/strong>
\n\u201cAN ACCOUNT OF THE BEGINNING OF ALL UNDER BOB\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n