I want to go back to where nobody knew about Greatsociety so I can badmouth my bosses and co-workers without having to make bitchy little threads in member-only sections of the forums.<\/p>\n
\nI used to believe, in those days, that GS was a combination of therapy and public service.\u00a0 Therapy for me in that I could ramble on about how most of the people I encounter throughout the day are horrible, filthy creatures whose very existence causes me deep and irreparable harm.\u00a0 A public service in the hopes that some lunatic 15 year old would stumble upon GS, put two and two together, order a gun through the mail, and then go on a shooting spree to wipe out all of the people who make my day Not Enjoyable.<\/p>\n
Because I want my days to be enjoyable.\u00a0 I don\u2019t enjoy moody bitterness.\u00a0 I want to float around on fairy wings and bask in the sun and talk to enlightened like-minds.\u00a0 Don\u2019t we all?<\/p>\n
I think I should start a cult.\u00a0 The Cult of Nacho.\u00a0 Everyone be happy and shut the fuck up about your problems.\u00a0 Nobody really cares.\u00a0 It\u2019s not interesting.\u00a0 Your hardships don\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n
Though, perhaps, I\u2019m just a bit too jaded.\u00a0 Maybe if I had had a comfortable or even vaguely functional life, I\u2019d be more respectful of other people\u2019s problems.\u00a0 But now, no, I just don\u2019t want to hear it.\u00a0 Being raped every night and burned by cigarettes would be better than trigeminal pain.\u00a0 Trust me.\u00a0 Or a childhood where everything was betrayed and nothing was peaceful.<\/p>\n
What I\u2019ve been doing for many, many years is, when people tell me their problems, I focus on everything that\u2019s good in their life and think: Fuck you.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even have the chance to have good things in my life (or properly enjoy them if they were available) until 2007.\u00a0 I went right from abusive, horrific childhood to endless physical pain and drug-addled neurosis.<\/p>\n
So I have all that silly baggage and two jobs that really are idiotic and insulting.\u00a0 During the week, just lumpin\u2019 customer service.\u00a0 During the weekend, \u201chosting\u201d weddings.\u00a0 Essentially a glorified janitor.\u00a0 That\u2019s a dangerous combination:\u00a0 Jobs that don\u2019t challenge me and support fools and foolish behavior, and running a webpage where I can write about anything under a pen-name.\u00a0 Though, of course, I\u2019ve been outed a dozen times over.\u00a0 Years ago, I denied any connection to Greatsociety whenever someone put two and two together.\u00a0 Now I just sigh and say, yeah, what about it?<\/p>\n
Yet I still feel compelled to censor myself.\u00a0 Occasionally I do so under threat of HR activity.\u00a0 Sometimes I do it just because I hate the fucking retards at my weekend job who bring it up whenever I badmouth them \u2013 even though they all have it coming and they deserve far worse.\u00a0 These are people who are so soul-suckingly lonely that I catch them hard at work at 2am on Saturday when I\u2019m closing up after a wedding.\u00a0 A tiny non-profit member-based organization with 20 employees and you need to put in more than 40 hours a week?\u00a0 My day job is a massive, national professional non-profit with a thousand employees spread between two buildings sitting on prime DC real estate and even the hyper-dedicated fucktards just put in 35 hours a week.\u00a0 That\u2019s dictated, mainly, by the higher ups.\u00a0 Take it easy, live your life.<\/p>\n
I can see coming in on a Saturday if, by chance, you spent the entire week at your desk playing Oblivion or something but, really, to work 12 hours on a Saturday into the early AM?\u00a0 You have a problem.\u00a0 You should probably be executed by the State.<\/p>\n
My current trick, if I know someone is up in the offices, is to not warn them that the party\u2019s over and then set the alarm.\u00a0 That way, as soon as they get up to take a piss, the ear-shattering alarm system kicks in and, next thing you know, they\u2019re spread-eagle on the ground with a dozen cops circling them with shotguns.\u00a0 Also, there\u2019s a $300 fine per false alarm.<\/p>\n
When confronted by my boss, I say I swept the house for stragglers but, really, the offices are all closed and locked.\u00a0 How am I supposed to know that an employee has locked themselves in at 2am on a Saturday?\u00a0 Who does that, boss?\u00a0 Does anybody in their right mind come to work at 2am on a Saturday while the house and grounds are closed to the public and rented out to a client?<\/p>\n
Then that email circulates among the higher ups, who are all too stupid to read.\u00a0 But my hope is that it sinks in at some level.\u00a0 You all are sick and terrible people.\u00a0 You all should drink bleach right now.<\/p>\n
The only reason you should be at work at 2am is if you have a goal.\u00a0 Like me.\u00a0 My goal is to have sex with a girl on every single desk at my weekend job.\u00a0 There are 14 offices in the old house, and maybe twice as many desks.\u00a0 So I want to sit a girl down on each one and fuck her, and then hide the condom deep in the back of one of the desk drawers.\u00a0 So far, I\u2019ve only managed to have sex on three desks.\u00a0 My old boss from when I started the job in high school (at the tiny gift shop), my current boss for the weekend job, and the executive director\u2019s desk\/chair (I came in his fern).<\/p>\n
Sex at my weekend job is fun because you never know which damaged fucker is there working when no human being should be out of bed.\u00a0 Plus, the old house is haunted.\u00a0 Even I\u2019ve had an experience there, which still bugs me today.\u00a0 That\u2019s another reason people should not be working at 2am, because when some motherfucker comes out of their office while I\u2019m sweeping through the upstairs looking for passed out drunks, I\u2019m likely to scream like a girl and blindly stab at their faces with my keys until they stop struggling.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I want to go back to where nobody knew about Greatsociety so I can badmouth my bosses and co-workers without having to make bitchy little threads in member-only sections of the forums.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[198],"class_list":["post-233","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wage-slave","tag-weddings"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=233"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1039,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233\/revisions\/1039"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=233"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=233"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=233"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}