{"id":216,"date":"2008-09-11T08:21:03","date_gmt":"2008-09-11T13:21:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/?p=216"},"modified":"2018-10-31T11:10:21","modified_gmt":"2018-10-31T15:10:21","slug":"all-dead-here","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/?p=216","title":{"rendered":"All Dead Here"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been slowly recovering from a brutal summer cold<\/a>, but am still planning on going to Gonzofest<\/a> at the Flying Dog Brewery on Saturday.\u00a0 Though, right now, my sinuses are still fighting insurgents in South Ossetia, so I might just end up watching Snuff Box<\/em><\/a> in my apartment.\u00a0 My friend, who\u2019s all gung ho for Gonzofest, doesn\u2019t know that I\u2019m planning to downgrade on Saturday.<\/p>\n

Well\u2026I guess he does now.
\n<\/p>\n

I caught the cold from a co-worker, who has refused to take time off.\u00a0 He\u2019s been coming in snuffling, hacking, and pretty much looking and sounding like death.\u00a0 Yesterday, he announced to everyone that he had been diagnosed with pneumonia\u2026 On Tuesday the second!\u00a0 So he\u2019s been coming in here for a week, coughing up his lungs, sweating through a fever, running at the nose and everywhere else imaginable, and just wandering amongst us. He said he figured it was something like pneumonia as early as August 27th\u2026 And I showed the first signs of this cold on the 30th.\u00a0 Now, most of the staff is coughing and sneezing.\u00a0 Two people have a high fever\u2026 Of course, they\u2019re all working.\u00a0 Why is everyone working?\u00a0 If this were Wall Street, it\u2019d make sense.\u00a0 Work through the pneumonia!\u00a0 Buy!\u00a0 Sell!<\/p>\n

But, no, this is an idiot NPO job.\u00a0 Typhoid Mary himself has 200 hours of leave time.\u00a0 And this is the sort of company where, if you said you were taking all 200 hours at once, they\u2019d say okay and you\u2019d still have a secure job to come back to.\u00a0 Hell, I usually take off six weeks a year without the leave to back it up and they say okay.<\/p>\n

And there\u2019s nothing important that we do here.\u00a0 I finish my required tasks in half an hour.\u00a0 If I wanted to be an A-1 employee, top of my game, hero of the department, it might take two hours.\u00a0 Maybe.<\/p>\n

So what the fuck?\u00a0 Go home, pneumonia boy!\u00a0 The only possible reason for him coming in is that he wants to kill everyone, and possibly himself.\u00a0 Some elaborate murder-suicide pact.<\/p>\n

Or maybe he has a troubled home life?\u00a0 But, really, if home sucks so much that you come to work while at death\u2019s door, then it\u2019s time to leave your family.\u00a0 Go out to Arizona and start a handyman\/septic cleaner business.\u00a0 Only answer to a ridiculous false name.<\/p>\n

The name I\u2019ve chosen is El Diablo Porsche Fiat.\u00a0 But I don\u2019t have a family to run away from.\u00a0 I go home alone every day.\u00a0 Several people have recently told me that my life is unhealthy and I need a family.\u00a0 I can \u201conly heal myself through children.\u201d\u00a0 Seriously\u2026 That\u2019s unsolicited advice I\u2019ve received in response to that article about me.\u00a0 That and the people who can\u2019t read who think I\u2019m still in pain and running an ice cream empire.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had four or five people talk to me along those lines.<\/p>\n

All I really wanted was to make money and get laid.\u00a0 That\u2019s all I\u2019ve ever wanted.\u00a0 Money, sex, and an unlimited budget to buy shit off my Amazon wish list.<\/p>\n

Speaking of which \u2013 today\u2019s the anniversary for 9\/11!\u00a0 And you can honor it by visiting my wishlist<\/a>.\u00a0 Because if you don\u2019t support the consumer culture, then the terrorists win.\u00a0 And you don\u2019t want that, do you?\u00a0 All those people in the Towers and on the planes and in the Pentagon didn\u2019t die so you could ignore my wishlist<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been slowly recovering from a brutal summer cold, but am still planning on going to Gonzofest at the Flying Dog Brewery on Saturday.\u00a0 Though, right now, my sinuses are still fighting insurgents in South Ossetia, so I might just …<\/p>\n

All Dead Here<\/span> Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[204,140,175,209],"class_list":["post-216","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rants","tag-flying-dog","tag-hst","tag-illness","tag-snuffbox"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/216","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=216"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/216\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1065,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/216\/revisions\/1065"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=216"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=216"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=216"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}