As I enter my third day of voluntary sobriety, I find that the world is stark and boring.<\/p>\n
Really, though, it\u2019s not that I feel I have a problem, or am speaking out against alcohol, or seeking help, or even putting any importance on lasting 30 days without a drink.\u00a0 I\u2019m just screwing around.\u00a0 It\u2019s either do this or figure out a hobby.
\n<\/p>\n
I\u2019m so bored and disappointed with life that I\u2019m going to experiment with my body.\u00a0 I\u2019m half debating spending 30 days drunk after this.\u00a0 I probably won\u2019t do that, because I\u2019m an adventurous drunk, so I\u2019d probably wake up somewhere in Paris after eight days.\u00a0 (Actually, maybe I will do that\u2026)<\/p>\n
For years, I\u2019ve admired the idea of the depressive bender.\u00a0 Back in the early 90\u2019s, I promised myself that I would go on a three day, Leaving Las Vegas<\/em>-style destructive freak-out when the first family member died.\u00a0 Since then, three family members have died, and alcohol didn\u2019t play much of a role.\u00a0 When mom killed herself, there was brief mention of a celebratory drink, but the rest of my family was too fucked up to get on board with that.\u00a0 When dad died, I certainly planned a celebration, but then his house was haunted and I became consumed with the idea of getting out of Atlanta.\u00a0 And I was in extraordinary pain.<\/p>\n When my grandmother died, I did go to a crummy little bar by the hotel in Fairmont, WV and have a few drinks, but it was vaguely depressive so I went back to the room and watched HBO.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve decided to include a rider in my will:\u00a0 After I die, everyone go back to my place, pile all my stuff in the middle of the floor, light it on fire, and drink all of my plentiful booze and get in fistfights with each other.<\/p>\n Death is really stupid.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know why people keep dying, because it doesn\u2019t seem like it\u2019s enjoyable or particularly interesting.<\/p>\n So the next 27 days will be spent without booze, and maybe I\u2019ll sort of make GS a sort of maybe diary sort of maybe, and we\u2019ll see where I am by September 25th.\u00a0 Well, the 24th.\u00a0 The 25th will find me in the system on my way to NOLA.<\/p>\n I truly doubt I\u2019ll last that long, because we have a long weekend coming up.\u00a0 And September is such a nice time of year in DC \u2013 cooler days and comfortable nights out on my balcony, watching the world flow by.\u00a0 My balcony invites vices \u2013 tobacco, pot, booze\u2026 There\u2019s something about being out there which corrupts the soul.<\/p>\n Of course, on the other hand, I\u2019m working seven days a week, with the exception of Labor Day, so that helps keep me sober.\u00a0 I could never do this over the winter, when my weekend job goes on hiatus.<\/p>\n That, of course, is another reason for this month without booze.\u00a0 It\u2019s been a rough year for stealing booze from my weekend job.\u00a0 My boss has heavily marketed to local churches, encouraging them to have their wedding receptions at our venue.\u00a0 She\u2019s hit the fucking filthy Mormons, and the local Muslim types, and the Buddhists.\u00a0 So no booze at the reception!\u00a0 I\u2019ve started stealing sodas instead.<\/p>\n The wedding season ends mid November, and doesn\u2019t pick up again till March, and my one drinking rule is that I never pay money for booze.\u00a0 So I need to have a surplus that\u2019ll float me through four months.\u00a0 Though I can rely on a few bottles of booze at Christmas.<\/p>\n By the way \u2013 the Mormon\u2019s are fucked up.\u00a0 I don\u2019t mind the Muslims and the Buddhists, but, shit, I don\u2019t want to do another Mormon wedding.\u00a0 There were big ass pictures of Jesus all over the place, and they\u2019re all wide-eyed white people who can\u2019t seem to function independent of some hive mind, and I got the feeling that they wanted to kill, cook, and eat me.<\/p>\n Let me tell you racists out there \u2013 you think the Muslims are crazy bombers?\u00a0 Guess again, man.\u00a0 It\u2019s these fucking right-wing Christian nutsos who are going to blow us all up.\u00a0 We should take up arms and exterminate every branch of Christianity cooked up after 1550 AD.\u00a0 The Orthodox and Catholics?\u00a0 We know where they\u2019re coming from.\u00a0 The populist Protestants \u2013 Baptists, Lutherans \u2013 okay.\u00a0 The Anglicans?\u00a0 That\u2019s a political party, not a religion.\u00a0 Even the nutball Amish make sense.\u00a0 But LDS?\u00a0 And any cult developed in the last 200 years, really.\u00a0 They should all be rounded up and gassed.<\/p>\n People think I\u2019m a racist.\u00a0 That might be good disguise.\u00a0 Then I can join the Mormons and strap bombs to my chest and go to the Temple in Kensington and take it out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" As I enter my third day of voluntary sobriety, I find that the world is stark and boring. Really, though, it\u2019s not that I feel I have a problem, or am speaking out against alcohol, or seeking help, or even …<\/p>\n