{"id":2006,"date":"2011-06-30T05:18:03","date_gmt":"2011-06-30T10:18:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/?p=2006"},"modified":"2018-10-29T23:13:22","modified_gmt":"2018-10-30T03:13:22","slug":"hubris","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/?p=2006","title":{"rendered":"Hubris"},"content":{"rendered":"

One thing about women I\u2019ve really come to hate is when they say they\u2019re good in the bedroom. Because they never are, are they? Every woman I\u2019ve been with has playfully told me this but, once I get them in the sack, the only thing they\u2019re a master of is some long lost chapter of the Kama Sutra<\/em>: The Dead Turtle, The Fallen Log, The Elderly Bassett Hound.
\n<\/p>\n

I was thinking back the other day and I realized that I\u2019ve been bored to tears by every single sexual experience. It\u2019s gotten to the point where, on a date, a woman says she\u2019s really good in the bedroom in her best Marilyn Monroe, and I go, \u201cOh? Hmmm.\u201d like she just told me she likes sunny days.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure I\u2019m probably missing the ball, here. I mean, statistically speaking, one of these women must actually be good in bed, but I\u2019ll never find out because I\u2019ve been turned off by her hideously dull sisters-in-arms. And I\u2019m not sorry, either. It\u2019s not like I sit around thinking, damn, I wonder if I\u2019m missing that one in a million. Because the other thing I\u2019ve come to hate is the pursuit itself. I just don\u2019t care anymore. Over and over again, the game goes on. The countless hours spent chasing each other, the nights and days spent dating, the blah-blah-blah of seemingly endless and often dismal personal history, the exploration of likes and dislikes, the infinite hours sharing interests, only to get dumped. Or have her be so crazy that I have to dump her. Months or years of experiences lost. Tainted by a love gone sour.<\/p>\n

People say, oh, that\u2019s part of the journey, tra-la-la. No it fucking isn\u2019t. Life is short and terrible. I don\u2019t have the time to deal with retards, screwballs, fuckheads, cheats, and liars. And I really hate that, anyway. The people who say it\u2019s all part of it, and encourage me to get back in the water. Then, when it all goes south, they say, yeah, she was a bitch. She was crazy. She\u2019s horrible. How transparent is that? Okay\u2026so you\u2019re siding with me because I\u2019m a friend but, after a dozen times, I\u2019m starting to wonder \u2013 is she really a horrible crazy bitch, or are you just trying to avoid admitting that I\u2019m the horrible crazy bitch? Because a normal person would try to warn me before the fact, thank you.<\/p>\n

The sex thing really bothers me. I have this suspicion that it\u2019s supposed to be really fun. Maybe that\u2019s just me being programmed by pop culture. Maybe it\u2019s not supposed to be fun. Or maybe The Elderly Bassett Hound is fun for other people. I\u2019ve yet to meet a woman who\u2019s comfortable with her body and adventurous in bed. Sex sort of loses its luster if she\u2019s clumsy or afraid or weird or twitchy. I\u2019ve been with women who can\u2019t find their vagina. Why don\u2019t you put it in, baby? Oh, okay. Stab, stab, stab\u2026 Hang on, sister! Did you just get this installed yesterday?<\/p>\n

The washing up thing drives me crazy, too. The girls who won\u2019t have sex until they\u2019ve showered. Talk about killing the mood. Oooh\u2026you\u2019re all hard and ready, eh? I\u2019ll be back in 45 minutes.<\/p>\n

Okay. I\u2019ll just watch an episode of The Mentalist<\/em>, I guess. Oh, and, jack off! Jesus.<\/p>\n

I guess I prefer that over washing up immediately after. Maybe I\u2019m a bit fey, but I like to cuddle afterwards. Yet half the women I\u2019ve been with are up and out of bed like it\u2019s on fire and they hit the showers. So I sit there wondering: Am I dirty? When she gets out of the shower, is she going to toss $20 on the nightstand and leave?<\/p>\n

Boy, wouldn\u2019t that be nice? Twenty bucks richer and I get to not share my bed with, you know, another fucking animal like me.<\/p>\n

I never understood the showering thing. Before or after. It\u2019s not like this is surgery \u2013 we\u2019re doing the most natural thing we can do besides clubbing each other with shoulderbones. It\u2019s dirty. It\u2019s messy. Yes. It\u2019s sex! You don\u2019t have to be clean to have it, and you don\u2019t have to run to the shower afterwards like I just sprayed you with blood from a dead raccoon.<\/p>\n

The girls who really get me are the ones with serious limitations. Like they won\u2019t suck cock, or are disgusted if I eat pussy. Or they have to be in a certain position and they\u2019re weirdly fussy about it during the act. One girl didn\u2019t want me to cum anywhere near her. I had to leave the room. Seriously. So why have sex with me, then?<\/p>\n

My favorite ones are the girls who will only have sex in the bedroom. It\u2019s the bedroom or nothing. Period. What\u2019s with that? I know it\u2019s not a Catholic thing. That\u2019s not an excuse. People actually claim it is, but I know Catholics, and I know Catholic girls, and I\u2019ve had sex in a confessional.<\/p>\n

Then there are the girls who won\u2019t have sex during the day. That\u2019s always fun.<\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s guilt that drives all of that. My impression, based off of my experiences which, clearly, are flawed, is that women feel guilty about sex. Like maybe they feel better than men and are forced very much against their wills to stoop to our level and let us use them in this horrific way. Kind of like when you watch animals fucking and there\u2019s this sad, soulless, utilitarian aspect to it all. And I guess we\u2019re animals, right? So sex must be sad, soulless, and utilitarian. That\u2019s the only conclusion I can reach after fucking girls for 20 years. I\u2019ve tried all types, too. Blacks, whites, Asians, natives, various hair colors, shapes, and sizes. I figured, hey, maybe it\u2019s just a matter of getting the right combination.<\/p>\n

And how proud so many of them have been. They say they\u2019re gonna get my spine out of joint and lead me by my cock to the bedroom, all lip-licking and dirty talking. Then \u2013 flop \u2013 the secret of The Dead Turtle.<\/p>\n

My friend says he loves blow-jobs to the point of obsession. I\u2019ve come to use blow-jobs more as a litmus test. Before we hit the bed and I experience The Dead Turtle or The Elderly Bassett Hound, there\u2019s The River Rat. The blow-job from hell. Which, so far, has been every single blow-job. Either the girl is timid and obviously uncomfortable (The Glass of Water), or she does The River Rat and gnaws away at my cock. Sweetheart, sorry, but that\u2019s not a pepperoni roll.<\/p>\n

So\u2026yeah. Sex sucks. I give up. I\u2019m really tired. I\u2019m tired of everything. You know, I seriously thought I\u2019d be dead at 25 so everything since has been kind of like, oh, god. It just keeps going, doesn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One thing about women I\u2019ve really come to hate is when they say they\u2019re good in the bedroom. Because they never are, are they? Every woman I\u2019ve been with has playfully told me this but, once I get them in …<\/p>\n

Hubris<\/span> Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[280,226,160],"class_list":["post-2006","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rants","tag-dating","tag-sex","tag-women"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2006","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2006"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2006\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2137,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2006\/revisions\/2137"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2006"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2006"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2006"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}