{"id":20,"date":"2008-01-24T12:02:47","date_gmt":"2008-01-24T17:02:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/?p=20"},"modified":"2018-10-31T14:24:12","modified_gmt":"2018-10-31T18:24:12","slug":"wing-ding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/?p=20","title":{"rendered":"Wing Ding"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/o>Every year since 2000, with an exception in 2006, I\u2019ve found myself reading upwards of 300 manuscripts for a writing awards program. <\/span>This year, I read 327. <\/span>My job is an easy one \u2013 weed out the obvious shit from the obvious good stuff. <\/span>Then I pass the good stuff on to a couple of hoity-toity folks with advanced literary degrees who perform a similar, though more educated, culling. <\/span>Then on to the final judge.<\/p>\n

Phase one is complete \u2013 327 entries reviewed. <\/span>I spent five days surrounded by them, experiencing all that was bad and good about this weird world of writing.<\/p>\n

Of course, now I can\u2019t write anything myself. <\/span>Not that I ever write useful things\u2026but when it comes to updating a blog that only three people read, I’ve found myself in one of those \u201call work and no play make Johnny a bad boy\u201d phases.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I also spent the weekend drinking heavily, which may be a factor in my current inability to string simple thoughts together. <\/span>And I\u2019m coming down with some wicked cold. <\/span>When I get up, I\u2019m dizzy. <\/span>I\u2019m doing the whole blowing blood thing as my sinuses quietly turn inside out, and I\u2019m coughing up that lovely morning phlegm that sits there, at the bottom of the sink, all green and angry, whispering terrible things.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve scaled back on the drinking this week, with the exception of last night where I attended a friend\u2019s play about trapped coal miners and their concerned wives, in the hopes that I\u2019ll experience a miraculous and rapid recovery. <\/span>Enough of a recovery, at least, to weather another weekend of solid gonzo drinking, when the hoity-toity literary types mentioned above come to my apartment to narrow down the playing field. <\/span>They take payment in beer and Chinese food\u2026and they aren\u2019t shy when it comes to consumption. <\/span>About half of the 327 have made it into my \u201cmaybe\u201d pile, so these two monsters will put on their academic robes and drink 50 beers each and trim the pile down to almost nothing. <\/span>Then, raging and insane, they\u2019ll dig through the \u201cno\u201d pile and giggle at all the terrible stories in there.<\/p>\n

Each year, my \u201cno\u201d pile has amused many shut-in literary types. <\/span>A bad story is a bad story, but my job isn\u2019t really to look for that. <\/span>The bulk of my “no” pile consists of people who submit outrageous manuscripts. <\/span>For example, one year, someone submitted their story (the first 50 pages of a completed 670 page project) that was entirely in wingdings \u2013 the MS Word font that uses funny characters instead of letters, sometimes called \u201cWebdings\u201d. <\/span>The applicant explained that his story was the first \u201cwingding\u201d novel ever. <\/span><\/p>\n

I really wanted to ask him for an electronic version so I could convert it back to English, but I was stopped by my advisors. <\/span><\/p>\n

Font and spacing issues dominate my \u201cno\u201d pile. <\/span>People who insist that their story can only be told in 8 point font, single spaced, and so on. <\/span>Or my favorite \u2013 some goofball script font. <\/span>There are instructions everywhere saying that the entry must be double spaced, 12 point font. <\/span>So not only are you insane and writing using wingdings, but you can\u2019t follow directions. <\/span><\/p>\n

Getting manuscripts in different languages. <\/span>That\u2019s fun. <\/span>I\u2019ve seen Israeli, Czech, and Spanish. <\/span><\/p>\n

One year, I got a suicide note. <\/span>They paid the reading fee, diligently filled out the application form, and the entry was just a handwritten post-it saying \u201cI have decided to end it all. <\/span>I will be dead by the time you read this.\u201d<\/p>\n

The check cashed, so I didn\u2019t see the need to pursue the issue.<\/p>\n

One person paid the reading fee using rolls of pennies. <\/span><\/p>\n

Then there was the old gag where the application form is attached to a balloon. <\/span>Open the box and up it goes, much to my surprise. <\/span>After reading a few hundred manuscripts, the last thing I wanted was to see one of them moving towards me. <\/span><\/p>\n

Everything is balanced out by the astounding work that does come across my desk. <\/span>Or beer-splattered floor, if it\u2019s late in the day. <\/span>On average, every tenth entry leaves me wanting more. <\/span>I\u2019ll find myself sitting and reading the entire piece, absorbed, then at a real loss when I get to the last page. <\/span><\/p>\n

Regardless, I\u2019m glad when the reading phase is over. <\/span>This year, I plan to take a week reading some trashy fantasy novel and going to sleep early. <\/span>Then I\u2019ll be able to write my own, personal bad stories.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Every year since 2000, with an exception in 2006, I\u2019ve found myself reading upwards of 300 manuscripts for a writing awards program. This year, I read 327. My job is an easy one \u2013 weed out the obvious shit from …<\/p>\n

Wing Ding<\/span> Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[402,176,127],"class_list":["post-20","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rants","tag-books","tag-publishing","tag-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=20"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1242,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20\/revisions\/1242"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=20"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=20"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=20"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}