This was first published on Dirtyfreaks.com for Halloween, 2002.\u00a0 The guy who designed Dirtyfreaks, instead of using an out of the box content management system, which I would do for the Greatsociety.org changover in December 02, designed his own CMS.\u00a0 It was a peice of shit that required the contributor to painfully put in all the HTML Tags.<\/p>\n
I mention that because this will be the first post from the 2002\/2003 archives, most of which have been lost online.\u00a0 So be ready for me to drunkenly miss HTML and fuck up the post.<\/p>\n
(I had to make a few edits and notes below, since some of the DVD versions have long been updated\/discontinued.)<\/p>\n
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Nacho\u2019s Halloween DVD List<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n
Now, kids, what are you doing for Halloween?\u00a0 I\u2019m going to sit around in the dark and watch creepy films because, you know, I don\u2019t have any friends and women fear me.\u00a0 Compiling a list of what you need to watch would be impossible, so let\u2019s just take a look at what\u2019s on my shelves right now.<\/p>\n
Phantasm & Gargoyles<\/em><\/p>\n
Every Halloween, back when UHF was still home to the groovy independents, Washington\u2019s channel 20 always showed Phantasm <\/em>or Gargoyles<\/em>.\u00a0 I\u2019d come back from my night out, pile up my candy, and watch these bad boys late into the night.\u00a0 And here\u2019s the surprisingly useless Phantasm <\/em>page<\/a> for you to visit.<\/p>\n
Phantasm<\/em><\/a> is Don Coscarelli\u2019s gift to the horror genre.\u00a0 The Phantasm <\/em>series spans 20 years and the first one is painfully 70\u2019s, but still a powerful vodka tonic film.\u00a0 That is, you should drink a couple glasses before you begin.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry, though, the series quickly segues into comic horror ala the Evil Dead<\/em> series and, just as quickly, transcends into obscure insanity.\u00a0 I\u2019m waiting for them all to come out on DVD but, for now, we have a cheapo version of Phantasm IV<\/em> out there and an accomplished special edition of the original.\u00a0 I sure hope you know the story because every movie buff should \u2013 boy hero, evil tall man, scary shit, flying death spheres, midget slaves from dimension X.\u00a0 Honestly, you can\u2019t go wrong.<\/p>\n
Gargoyles<\/em><\/a> <\/em>is a painful experience in what I call 70\u2019s \u201csmall town monster suit\u201d horror.\u00a0 An archeologist and his bulimic 70\u2019s daughter stumble across a colony of Gargoyles<\/em> in the American Southwest and start to meddle where they shouldn\u2019t so the gargoyles proceed to tear up some shit. Then there\u2019s some\u2026other stuff\u2026and\u2026motel siege\u2026moving car battle\u2026Bernie Casey as head Gargoyle.\u00a0 Uh\u2026\u00a0 The DVD actually spoils the mood.\u00a0 The old Channel 20 version was dark and grainy and that\u2019s the way you have to watch this one.\u00a0 \u201cJohn!\u00a0 Was that a tit?\u201d\u00a0 (John giggles) \u201cI think so!\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s not, though, so don\u2019t get excited.<\/p>\n
Razor Blade Smile<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n
Now, here are some tits!\u00a0 The beautiful Eileen Daly gets naked, fights with swords and guns and covers herself in green blood for artsy lesbian death cult scenes in the strangely pleasing Razor Blade Smile<\/em>.\u00a0 This is an indie film, so brace yourself for something made on a budget of what appears to be 29 cents and lots of good will.\u00a0 Or, perhaps, the investors were promised a front row seat on the day they filmed the lesbian death scene.\u00a0 Once you look past the appalling production value, Eileen Daly\u2019s gushing acting and a storyline that was typed up during a long weekend in the stockroom of the Liquor Mart, you\u2019ll love Razor Blade Smile<\/em> to pieces.\u00a0 I rather thought they did a good job with the comedy and, well, this is what you watch if you really want to get that \u201cI can make a better film\u201d feeling.\u00a0 Actually, just watch it for Eileen.\u00a0 Oh my\u2026<\/p>\n
The Thing<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n
John Carpenter has had occasional flashes of pure cinematic genius.\u00a0 His remake of the classic 50\u2019s paranoia film, The Thing, is handled perfectly.\u00a0 All remakes need to follow this path.\u00a0 Carpenter took the overt Soviet paranoia from the 50\u2019s film and updated it for the 80\u2019s.\u00a0 Instead of fearing the Red Menace, now all we have to fear is ourselves.\u00a0 Sure, the Soviets were still around, but the 80\u2019s didn\u2019t have the same kooky weirdness that the World War II generation suffered from.\u00a0 We were in American Psycho<\/em> mode.\u00a0 Carpenter\u2019s version is gory, scary and, most important of all, effective.\u00a0 It holds up even today.\u00a0 Ever wanted to see Wilfred Brimley in a downright scary, evil role?\u00a0 Tune in, folks.\u00a0 The Thing<\/em> special edition is a must have for any night you want to pull the covers up to your chin.<\/p>\n