{"id":164,"date":"2008-07-29T07:22:51","date_gmt":"2008-07-29T12:22:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/?p=164"},"modified":"2018-10-31T12:10:12","modified_gmt":"2018-10-31T16:10:12","slug":"storms-comin-the-drinking-game","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/?p=164","title":{"rendered":"Storm’s Comin’: The Drinking Game"},"content":{"rendered":"

MPM<\/a> asks for me to expand on the Storm’s Comin’<\/a> drinking game.\u00a0 So here ya go:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Use Stoli if you\u2019re me and Sapphire Blue if you\u2019re the uncle, with plenty of beer on hand:<\/p>\n

Before\/during the storm<\/strong><\/p>\n

One shot for every goddamned “storm’s comin’!”<\/p>\n

One shot if power outage\/flooding is predicted.<\/p>\n

Chug if racial revolution is mentioned.\u00a0 My grandfather bought himself a rifle right after the DC riots when MLK was assassinated.\u00a0 He built a goddamned \u201cmachine gun nest\u201d, sandbags and all, on the roof of our outer-outer Silver Spring house where he planned to \u201chold off the blacks after they took the city and marched on the suburbs.\u201d\u00a0 Ah, the 1960\u2019s.\u00a0 During particularly bad storms (Hurricane Agnes<\/a> comes to mind, and, most recently, Hurricane Isabel<\/a>, my grandfather tended to reignite the old racism flame.)\u00a0 You know…DC in turmoil, rivers flooded, blacks rising up to kill the innocent and peace-loving white man, etc.<\/p>\n

One shot for when the storm \u201cpasses\u201d our neighborhood.\u00a0 This is defined by storm clouds seemingly coming our way, but nothing happening beyond a light rain.\u00a0 Officially, it\u2019s when the lightning count is more than five seconds away at all times.<\/p>\n

Chug for 10 seconds if the power does actually go out.\u00a0 One shot for a brown-out.<\/p>\n

Chug if my grandfather curses the \u201cup-county\u201d region of Montgomery county for either (a) getting the brunt of the storm (because they have it coming), (b) being the cause of the storm (electrical high tension wire paranoia), (c) Gaithersburg high school sucks and always has.<\/p>\n

One shot if my grandfather says my grandmother will die if the power goes out.<\/p>\n

One shot if my grandfather muses about how the three freezers in the basement are useless during a power outage.<\/p>\n

One shot if a possibly fictional basement flooding horror story that nobody remembers is related in detail.<\/p>\n

Chug if my grandfather suggests we take shelter \u201cunder the old steps.\u201d<\/p>\n

One shot for every time my grandfather says that we\u2019ll die if we\u2019re touching anything metal during a lightning storm (this includes glasses, watches, etc.).<\/p>\n

Chug when my grandfather makes a premature decision to rent a hotel in Hagerstown, MD (70 miles away) while the sky is still clear.<\/p>\n

Chug when the basement does not flood and my grandfather gets upset that everything is okay (during torrential, sustained downpour).\u00a0 Chug, again, if my grandfather expresses angry disbelief that the basement is not flooding.<\/p>\n

One shot if (during a heavy storm) my grandfather says the poor are \u201chuddlin’ like animals under this mess.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chug if my grandfather predicts DC will be swamped \u201conce and for all\u201d and \u201cnobody will make it out alive.\u201d<\/p>\n

After the power goes out<\/strong><\/p>\n

One shot if my grandfather arms himself.<\/p>\n

One shot if my grandfather packs up my grandmother and drives north (see the Hagerstown hotel above \u2013 this shot is only to be taken when my grandfather has not planned ahead.)<\/p>\n

Chug if my grandfather starts to frantically call friends to see if they have power and space in their freezers.<\/p>\n

One shot for every time my grandfather suggests we go to bed \u201clike farmers before electricity,\u201d but then asks for a beer.<\/p>\n

One shot for every time my grandfather asks if the power outage is \u201cjust us\u201d and insists that someone walk around the block to check.<\/p>\n

Chug if my grandfather hears sirens in the distance and says, \u201cThat\u2019ll be the niggers.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chug one beer every time my grandfather substitutes \u201cspics\u201d for \u201cniggers.\u201d<\/p>\n

One shot if my grandfather suggests that nobody in West Virginia loses power ever.<\/p>\n

In the event of flood<\/strong><\/p>\n

One shot for every time my grandfather checks on the basement (this will start before the storm, so be careful!)<\/p>\n

Chug when my grandfather screams through the vents for someone to help.\u00a0 (“I need some heeeelp down hyar!”)<\/p>\n

One shot whenever the portable sump pump is \u201clost.\u201d\u00a0 (Chug if my grandfather says, ominously, \u201cOne of youse gonna hafta\u00a0 go outside to git it.\u201d)<\/p>\n

Chug if the sump pump doesn\u2019t work. (Chug one beer if it doesn\u2019t work because the power\u2019s out and it\u2019s a plug-in model.)<\/p>\n

One shot of Stoli for Nacho standing outside to stabilize the drainpipe and make sure the sump pump doesn\u2019t pump all the water back into the basement.\u00a0 Chug two beers if this happens during torrential rain, freak-out thunderstorm.\u00a0 Chug three beers if Nacho loses control of the pipe and it starts vomiting water into the adjacent garden shed.<\/p>\n

Replace Stoli with Sapphire if the uncle is the one stabilizing the drain.<\/p>\n

One shot for every emergency vehicle that drives by the house.\u00a0 Chug if the grandfather says they\u2019re going to round up \u201cthe trash on Mills St.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chug if the grandfather starts a small electrical fire because the plug for the sump pump is under water.<\/p>\n

Chug if you realize, before anyone else, that you\u2019re all standing in the water that\u2019s above the electrical socket the grandfather is about to use.\u00a0 Chug one beer if the grandfather pauses, just short of the socket that\u2019s under water, and says, \u201cThis could be dangerous \u2013 don\u2019t ever do this.\u201d Chug another beer when he plugs it in (assuming you survive).<\/p>\n

Chug one beer if there\u2019s a mouse nest inside the sump pump.<\/p>\n

One shot for when the grandfather screams up the basement steps to the grandmother along the lines of \u201cWe\u2019re not gonna make it!\u201d<\/p>\n

One shot every time my grandfather suggests that \u201cthis wouldn\u2019t have happened if we had stayed in Parkersburg in 1965.\u201d<\/p>\n

Aftermath<\/strong><\/p>\n

One shot if you see a Pepco truck.\u00a0 Chug if my grandfather suggests that the \u201cniggers are runnin’ Pepco inta the ground.\u201d<\/p>\n

One shot for every time my grandfather says that above ground telephone\/electrical wires are \u201colder than he is\u201d and that \u201ca real country would have them all underground so this will never happen.\u201d\u00a0 And, you know, amen to that.\u00a0 Seriously.<\/p>\n

One shot if my grandfather blames the storm\/power outage\/flooding on the Republicans.\u00a0 But chug if he blames it on a Democrat, which is rare and surprising.\u00a0 The usual target is Kennedy (Papist Irish motherfucker!).<\/p>\n

Chug if the power is out for more than six hours and the grandfather says, \u201cThat\u2019s it.\u00a0 Apocalypse.\u00a0 Who wants the .22?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

MPM asks for me to expand on the Storm’s Comin’ drinking game.\u00a0 So here ya go:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[216,192],"class_list":["post-164","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rants","tag-drinking-game","tag-grandfather"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=164"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1099,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164\/revisions\/1099"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=164"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=164"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=164"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}