Well, it\u2019s taken twenty years, but I have finally managed to have sex on every desk and at every workstation at my weekend job.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I\u2019m proud of these things. It\u2019s the collector in me, I suppose.\u00a0 Once you start, there\u2019s no way you can stop.<\/p>\n
It all started on the bookshop manager\u2019s desk in 1992.\u00a0 Then on the bookbuyer\u2019s (now a defunct position) desk.\u00a0 A few years later there would be an assistant manager\u2019s desk, which I would use.\u00a0 And, of course, both cashier positions.<\/p>\n
Next door to the bookshop\u2019s offices there\u2019s the groundskeeper\u2019s office. It\u2019s a former half-bathroom and full of tools and equipment, so there\u2019s no actual physical comfort. A difficult location that wasn\u2019t added to my tally until 2003, because only a certain type of woman likes to have her face ground into a wall of hanging saws and screwdrivers. Prior to 1995, however, the groundskeeper\u2019s office was in a large basement storage room.\u00a0 A prime spot where you could rely on some privacy during the day and take advantage of a ratty couch tucked into a back corner.<\/p>\n
Then there\u2019s the education director\u2019s desk, and the three desks for her minions.\u00a0 The repurposed water conservation office that took over half the bookshop offices in 2000, so maybe those don\u2019t count. But I took the repurposing seriously and had to hit those a second time.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s the little IT office, and the four desks in the newspaper office. There\u2019s the membership director and two volunteer desks in the main office.\u00a0 On Halloween this year, I finally got to crack the executive director\u2019s office. Though the current ED has decided to stay in the office where he\u2019s been for the last 25 years.\u00a0 I hit that one in 2000.<\/p>\n
There are four desks in accounting, which are heard to get to because accounting is split into two separate offices. There\u2019s no natural flow if you\u2019re with someone who wants to help you tally up workstations, and the big accounting boss is one of those guys who works all hours of the night and on weekends.\u00a0 I hit his desk when his predecessor was gearing up for retirement in 2002.<\/p>\n
The third floor has two offices for the Maryland, DC, and Virginia \u201cnaturalists.\u201d\u00a0 The office for the Maryland naturalist has always had a nice, big easy chair in it.\u00a0 I\u2019ve spent many nights there during double shifts, and have taken three women there in the past two decades.\u00a0 It was my go-to spot until 2006 when the current naturalist\u2019s paranoia led to the installation of a new lock.\u00a0 Now I have to climb through the window from the roof (where, on summer nights, I often bring women to stargaze).<\/p>\n
There\u2019s the volunteer coordinator, and the five desks for the development team. During the weekends, it doubles as a prep room for brides, which is always a turn on.\u00a0 There\u2019s the office that used to be rented out to another company, which I couldn\u2019t crack until that company moved out and they put in three more education staffers.\u00a0 So I hit those three desks in 2008.<\/p>\n
Then there\u2019s the desk in the greeter\u2019s room, and the kitchen countertops, and each of the five bathrooms, and, finally, the desk in the library \u2013 my supervisor\u2019s station.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s really nothing like sex atop a supervisor\u2019s desk late some night.\u00a0 It makes meetings a whole lot easier.\u00a0 Especially if they do things like pick crumbs off of their blotter.<\/p>\n
But now that I\u2019ve finished the rounds, I can\u2019t decide what to do next. Am I done with the weekend job?\u00a0 Were the last 20 years all about finishing my quest to have sex on every desk? What now?\u00a0 I\u2019m done with the inside, and the outside has been pretty well done, as well. I\u2019ve had sex in the gazebo, and the woodland amphitheater, and at the pond\u2026 I\u2019ve had sex in the parking lots, and in the grove where the weddings go on, and in the greenhouse (now torn down). There are two bird blinds, which were perfect for daytime sex, and the gatehouse, and the toolshed\u2026<\/p>\n
Maybe I should look at the bigger picture \u2013 get a weekend job at a similar place and start over again.\u00a0 Or, maybe, I could just start over again at my current weekend job\u2026but go in reverse order! Or from different angles.\u00a0 Or switch out the girls.\u00a0 Try a different one where once there was another.\u00a0 There was the redhead\u2026 The three desks in this office were with a blonde.\u00a0 The half Asian chick loved the basement and the bathrooms.\u00a0 The tattooed girl loved the roof, and the heavily pierced one traveled with me through accounting. The much, much, much older woman in the library, and the barely legal girl at the cash registers in the IT office.\u00a0 (At least, I hope she was barely legal.)\u00a0 The mother in the bookshop offices and, a year later, her daughter in the Gazebo and at the pond.\u00a0 The married woman in the parking lot, the fat girl on the third floor, and a hippie chick at various desks…<\/p>\n
Some were relationships, but they tended not to understand my quest.\u00a0 A couple did get into it and, foolishly, I didn\u2019t take them up on the offer to hit every desk with them. I had some troubled years there. A smarter man would have leapt at the chance\u2026 But, then, I knew that we would quickly run out of desks.\u00a0 Then what?\u00a0 The same problem, except now trapped in a relationship.\u00a0 If the foundation of our love is a quest to have sex on every desk at my weekend job, then what future do we have?\u00a0 Unless, of course, we start working our way through my day job\u2019s twelve storey building\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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