<\/p>\n
Seriously\u2026I\u2019m not making this up.<\/strong><\/p>\n Customer: We are returning two journals sent to us in error and we demand a shipping credit.<\/p>\n Me: Okay, well, don’t bother returning them. We can’t pay for shipping. You can keep them, recycle them, or give them away.<\/p>\n Cust: We have already mailed them back.<\/p>\n Me: Well, I’m sorry, but we cannot reimburse you for shipping.<\/p>\n Cust: That is okay. We don’t want a reimbursement.<\/p>\n Me: Okay… So, I’m sorry, maybe I misunderstood. What do you need the credit for?<\/p>\n Cust: We demand a credit of zero Euros.<\/p>\n Me: Um\u2026sorry?<\/p>\n Cust: Yes. Zero Euros.<\/p>\n Me: Um…okay… Consider it done!<\/p>\n Cust: We need you to generate an invoice which reflects that you have awarded us a credit of zero Euros.<\/p>\n Me: We can’t create an invoice for a zero amount. Or for Euros.<\/p>\n Cust: We demand this.<\/p>\n Me: I’m sorry. You mean zero as in nothing, right? No Euros. A zero balance. Nothing owed. Right? And Euros the currency, right?<\/p>\n Cust: Correct.<\/p>\n Me: Tell you wait. Can I mail you zero Euros? That will be easier. I’ll just give you zero Euros out of my own pocket.<\/p>\n Cust: Yes. That will be acceptable. Please make the check payable to (name).<\/p>\n I love it when I get calls like this. Sometimes I keep them going on purpose…<\/strong><\/p>\n Cust: So my dues were paid?<\/p>\n Me: They were, yes.<\/p>\n Cust: They were?<\/p>\n Me: They were.<\/p>\n Cust: They were paid?<\/p>\n Me: They were.<\/p>\n Cust: You said they were paid?<\/p>\n Me: They were, yes.<\/p>\n Cust: They…they were?<\/p>\n Me: They were.<\/p>\n (We went on for two minutes.)<\/p>\n He has a PhD, goddamnit!<\/strong><\/p>\n Cust: I have a complaint about your webpage!<\/p>\n Me: Okay. The contact email for webpage complaints is (email).<\/p>\n Cust: I have a PhD and your webpage makes no sense!<\/p>\n Me: Okay.<\/p>\n Cust: How do I access my subscriptions? THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!<\/p>\n Me: You’ll need to login to get to your subscriptions.<\/p>\n Cust: Well how the hell do I login! THERE’S NO PLACE TO LOGIN!<\/p>\n Me: On the main page —<\/p>\n Cust: I’M THERE AND THERE IS NO PLACE TO LOGIN!<\/p>\n Me: You’re on (webpage)?<\/p>\n Cust: …no…<\/p>\n Me: Okay. That’s where you want to go. When there, the login —<\/p>\n Cust: NO IT’S NOT THERE!<\/p>\n Me: Are you on (webpage)?<\/p>\n Cust: Yes.<\/p>\n Me: Then the login button is —<\/p>\n Cust: Look, I have a PhD and it’s not there!<\/p>\n Me: Will you let me finish?<\/p>\n Cust: What?<\/p>\n Me: On the right side of the screen, next to the picture, there’s a box marked “Login” that asks for your login.<\/p>\n Cust: Oh….uh…yes. You’re right.<\/p>\n Me: (silence)<\/p>\n Cust: I’m sorry.<\/p>\n Me: That’s okay.<\/p>\n Cust: But, look, on a normal website, the login is up at the top.<\/p>\n Me: It is on our site, too.<\/p>\n Cust: No it’s not!<\/p>\n Me: You see up on the top right? “Home, Help, Login.” Is that what you mean?<\/p>\n Cust: Um…yes. Well. Sorry again.<\/p>\n Me: No problem.<\/p>\n Cust: Okay. Well. Goodbye.<\/p>\n That\u2019s one hell of a shipping delay\u2026 (call received January 21, 2010)<\/strong><\/p>\n Cust: I want to cancel my order for (book). Our PO number was 136014-2.<\/p>\n Me: I\u2019m afraid that I can\u2019t find that number in our system. When did you send it in?<\/p>\n Cust: 1998.<\/p>\n Me: Sorry?<\/p>\n Cust: 1998.<\/p>\n Me: You want to cancel an order for a book that was made in 1998?<\/p>\n Cust: Yes.<\/p>\n Me: We don\u2019t have those records on file anymore, I\u2019m afraid. <\/p>\n Cust: What? Why not?<\/p>\n Me: That was 12 years ago.<\/p>\n Cust: So? We placed an order. And we\u2019ve been watching for it.<\/p>\n Me: You\u2019ve been waiting 12 years for your book?<\/p>\n Cust: Yes! And we\u2019re not waiting any longer, so please cancel that order.<\/p>\n Me: Consider it canceled.<\/p>\n Cust: God. Thank you. (hangs up)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45,13],"tags":[266,263,400],"class_list":["post-1460","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-crazy-customers","category-wage-slave","tag-crazy-customer","tag-customer-service","tag-wage-slave"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1460","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1460"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1460\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1463,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1460\/revisions\/1463"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1460"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1460"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1460"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}