![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/tor.jpg\")
<\/p>\nFrom February 2006, here I am wearing a plastic shirt:<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Yes, I’m very drunk there.<\/p>\n
Oscar Bin Laden, like my college buddy James, was another recurring character on GS a few years ago.\u00a0 Most of his stuff is in the archives<\/a>.\u00a0 The \u201cOBL\u201d articles trailed off in 2006, and this is the draft from February of that year that eventually became \u201cToday \u2013 Silver Spring!\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n It was 4am when Texas Billionaire Oscar bin Laden called me.\u00a0 I was paging through the Jessica London catalog because I had developed an unnatural fascination with the cover girl.\u00a0 Jessica London, allegedly, catered to plus size women, but all of their models were just full-figured.\u00a0 Flat stomached MILF\u2019s with glittering eyes awaited me on each page, the near-30 or post models, each shining with one thing:\u00a0 Sexual experience and habitual drug use.\u00a0 The cover girl\u2019s olive skin, heavy eyebrows and kinky hair sent me into an early AM frenzy, her knowing eyes and perfect smile engulfing me as I flipped madley through four-tier skirt sets, column dresses, jacket dresses,\u00a0 and sweaters to land myself in the Intimate Collection.\u00a0 There was my mulatto darling in her pajamas and, yes, a shelf-bra camisole and hot shorts \u201cwith moderate coverage.\u201d<\/p>\n I lingered.\u00a0 I studied the moderate coverage.<\/p>\n \u201cNacho?\u201d\u00a0 Oscar, on the phone, shocked me back to the world.\u00a0 I had the headset screwed to my ear, lost in a world of moderate coverage, slowly turning the glossy page to look at the sweet half-breed in a two-piece tankini.\u00a0 A tiny mole marred the smooth, bronzed flesh above the swell of her left breast.<\/p>\n I breathed, \u201cI\u2019m here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m in town.\u201d\u00a0 Oscar replied.<\/p>\n Outside my window, the security light clicked on.\u00a0 A word entered my head, \u201cFuck.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI have a favor to ask.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re out of favors.\u201d<\/p>\n Time and again, Oscar had tried to upset the world as I knew it.\u00a0 Working against the establishment, he had used his Texas oil money to hatch countless nefarious scams, all of which I\u2019ve recorded in years of pathetic scribbling printed in strange webzines.\u00a0 Hearing from him again was a rude awakening, if it had come at a time when I wasn\u2019t turning a page to look at a brown-skinned girl in a zippered skirtini.\u00a0 There it is.\u00a0 A zipper between her breasts.\u00a0 A sliding, metal gateway to the heavens.\u00a0 I could taste the coated zipper in my mouth, hear the sound as I pulled it down, smell the lotion on her skin, expose her dark nipples\u2026 The security light clicked off.<\/p>\n \u201cSee,\u201d Oscar continued, \u201cI sort of figured you\u2019d be interested in this.\u00a0 It\u2019ll be controversial.\u00a0 Highly publicized\/.\u00a0 I know you\u2019re all about that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo on.\u201d\u00a0 There she was in a figure-hugging Floral Georgette, anal sex leapt into my mind and I stumbled out of my trance at the same time Oscar said:<\/p>\n \u201cI set a bomb in that Korean bible church on New Hampshire Avenue.\u201d<\/p>\n The catalog dropped to the floor.\u00a0 \u201cOscar\u2026what\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was either that or email you cartoons making fun of the Pope, which I did anyway.\u00a0 See, I figured that I could start a civil war in the US by pitting Catholics against protestants, just like we\u2019re seeing in iraq with the Shia\u2019s and Sunnis.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know if that\u2019ll work\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, here\u2019s the thing.\u00a0 I sort of used you as cover.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, your mom was Catholic, right?\u00a0 And the rest of your family is Baptist, right?\u201d<\/p>\n I had to think about it for a moment, \u201cYou know, I\u2019m not sure about the Baptist part.\u00a0 And mom\u2019s bought the farm, nor was she seriously Catholic.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou say that, but it\u2019s true.\u00a0 You\u2019re the perfect civil war family!\u00a0 Brother against brother.\u00a0 It\u2019ll catch on with the press and spark a nation-wide explosion that\u2019ll unseat the current gov\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n \u201cOscar, please tell me what you\u2019ve done.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLet me in.\u201d\u00a0 The security light clicked on again.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" From February 2006, here I am wearing a plastic 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