Washington Post reports<\/a> that two people were shot outside of the garish, overpriced, and amusingly named \u201cSilver Spring Caribbean Style Restaurant.\u201d<\/p>\nSome crazy fucker fired 17 goddamned bullets and only managed to wound two people.\u00a0 One guy took a bullet in the leg and some chick took a bullet to the face.\u00a0 Which is one of those things that\u2019s hilarious when you read it, even though you know it shouldn\u2019t be.\u00a0 That girl has a face that can stop a bullet!<\/p>\n
See?\u00a0 It\u2019s not me.\u00a0 You\u2019re all thinking the same thing.<\/p>\n
Silver Spring doesn\u2019t get much crime like this.\u00a0 Just your usual arson, corporate espionage, vehicular manslaughter, rape, and armed robbery.\u00a0 So all of the commuters, myself included, cast a sad glance at the bright yellow \u201cCaribbean Restaurant\u201d this morning.\u00a0 Why, we were thinking, did something interesting happen when we weren\u2019t around?\u00a0 Isn\u2019t it the duty of a mad gunman to spray bullets all over the place during the height of rush hour?\u00a0 God\u2026I would murder for something like that!\u00a0 The screaming, jostling panic.\u00a0 The crowds fleeing into the tangled lanes of traffic.\u00a0 The Metro police officers getting out their one bullet and shakily loading their revolvers.\u00a0 The heroic Ride On bus driver who takes matters into his own hands and runs down the shooter and his friends.\u00a0 Number 10 to Takoma Paaaark!!!! ka-thump ka-thump<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, leg blood and butterface blood spill down the sidewalk and into the storm drain.\u00a0 In the moment of silence that follows, we all crowd around and stare at the two victims.\u00a0 \u201cOw!\u00a0 My leg!\u201d\u00a0 And we\u2019ll all gasp.\u00a0 \u201cOw, my face!\u201d And we\u2019ll all giggle.<\/p>\n
Then the heroic bus driver will step out and walk towards us, and we\u2019ll all be grinning and congratulating him, and then he\u2019ll pull a shotgun out from under his trenchcoat and start blasting away.<\/p>\n
The Metro cops, now with their single-fire guns loaded, will rush towards him.\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 Too late!\u00a0 KA-BAM!\u00a0 Down they go like bowling pins.\u00a0 The crowd will scatter, screaming, into the dark alleys and packed parking garages of downtown Silver Spring, the maniacal bus driver laughter following them.<\/p>\n
And then we\u2019ll all die because the plants created a toxin like in The Happening<\/span>.\u00a0 And then the toxin will blow away in a breeze and everything will be normal again and we\u2019ll immediately return to the daily grind of our commute.\u00a0 Like in The Happening<\/span>.\u00a0 And then we\u2019ll all ask for our $9 back, but won\u2019t get it because we sat through the whole movie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I\u2019ve long subscribed to the theory that nothing bad can happen to you in the early morning hours on a holiday or weekend.\u00a0 And I\u2019ve put that theory to the test when traveling, when exploring urban ruins, when dumpster diving, …<\/p>\n
Silver Spring Shooting<\/span> Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[52],"tags":[73],"class_list":["post-117","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-meanwhile-in-silver-spring","tag-silver-spring"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=117"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1128,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117\/revisions\/1128"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=117"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=117"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=117"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}