{"id":116,"date":"2008-06-28T11:13:01","date_gmt":"2008-06-28T16:13:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/?p=116"},"modified":"2018-10-31T12:53:21","modified_gmt":"2018-10-31T16:53:21","slug":"tommy-joes-bethesda-md","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/?p=116","title":{"rendered":"Tommy Joe’s, Bethesda, MD"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve started collecting a file of dives and unique bars in the suburban DC area, because that\u2019s the sort of thing you do when you don\u2019t own a TV. <\/span>Though, for the last week, I was house and dog sitting in Rockville and staring vacantly at the big wide screen TV in the living room.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The reason I don\u2019t own a TV is because I do the thing where I\u2019m intensely frustrated by commercials, but I keep watching the program anyway. <\/span>For example, last Monday, Animal Planet was having an Animal Cops marathon. <\/span>Sadly, the show doesn\u2019t feature dogs and cats in police uniforms solving crimes. <\/span>It\u2019s about the various ASPCA and Humane Society \u201cpolice\u201d who go around writing citations. <\/span>It\u2019s exactly like Cops, except it features fat women who live alone and love cats. <\/span>Though the New York ASPCA are full on cops \u2013 they get guns and police cars and the whole thing. <\/span>They even got in a firefight with a horse owner in one episode. <\/span>And the New York team has the lovely Anna Marie Lucas<\/a> on staff. <\/span>I like women with guns.<\/p>\n

But most of them \u2013 Miami, Detroit, etc \u2013 don\u2019t get guns. <\/span>So some asshole boils 13 kittens and the animal cops write a citation. <\/span>Then the kitten killer throws it on the ground and tells the animal cops to fuck off\u2026and they do.<\/p>\n

The commercials come about every three minutes, yet I blindly watch the episodes until I fall asleep.<\/p>\n

The other thing I do is get sucked into the Sci Fi channel\u2019s marathons. <\/span>So I\u2019ll make breakfast, sit down in front of the big screen, tune in and, ooh! <\/span>Stargate\u2019s<\/em> on! <\/span>So I\u2019ll watch Stargate <\/em>and, while the end credits are rolling, Sci Fi will announce that another episode will follow. <\/span>And I go, ooh! <\/span>Stargate\u2019s <\/em>on. <\/span>Next thing I know, it\u2019s eight hours later and I look at my half eaten breakfast and wonder about dinner.<\/p>\n

Needless to say, I don\u2019t look forward to dog sitting. <\/span>Every summer, my friend goes off to an island resort, so I know it\u2019s coming. <\/span>I\u2019m thinking about next summer even now. <\/span>It\u2019s like getting to use heroin for five days each year. <\/span>Except I also have to take care of an animal. <\/span>I\u2019ll walk the dog twice a day, a half hour at a time, and I\u2019m usually thinking about what I\u2019m missing on TV while the dog shits on my shoe.<\/p>\n

So, to break up the monotony and get away from the drug (and because Sci Fi was having a Dark Angel marathon on Friday and fuck that show), I went out to lunch near my old high school in Bethesda. <\/span>A friend of mine now works for the Writer\u2019s Center<\/a>, so I thought I\u2019d be both nostalgic and sociable. <\/span><\/p>\n

The Bethesda bar scene has changed dramatically. <\/span>Flanagans, the \u201cIrish local,\u201d has become the Harp and Fiddle<\/a>. <\/span>It\u2019s also moved from a clammy basement with scary steps to a proper shop front. <\/span>That was the last call for dive bars in Bethesda. <\/span>Everything else is an atrocious theme bar \u2013 the hideous Union Jack\u2019s<\/a>, which serves \u201cBritish food\u201d like huge cheeseburgers, fries, and a coke. <\/span>Then there\u2019s Ri Ra<\/a>, the ubiquitous Irish-American pub. <\/span>Then there\u2019s Rock Bottom<\/a> which makes their own beer. <\/span>I think they use storm water runoff from the street and old shoes.<\/p>\n

There are a few other theme bars that make you want to buy a machine gun, and then there\u2019s the fancy Tommy Joe\u2019s<\/a>. <\/span>That\u2019s where my friend brought me. <\/span>Tommy Joe\u2019s has a faux-dive exterior and an alarmingly huge, indoor-outdoor, faux-New Orleans interior. <\/span>So at first glance, inside and out, there\u2019s a good feeling. <\/span>Faux is fine in the modern urban setting.<\/p>\n

Strike one came when I looked at what was on draft \u2013 the usual assortment of domestics and mainstream indie beers. <\/span>There was the always present and always disappointing Blue Moon, there was Stella, and there was Shiner Bock which, though I enjoy it, always seems weird coming from a tap. <\/span>I think, if a bar is going to serve Shiner, they should have a beer garden full of pickup trucks. <\/span>Then we can all go sit in the bed of the trucks and drink cans out of coolers and throw them into the bushes.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s not a single interesting beer to be had, so I settled for Stella.<\/p>\n

Strike two was the service. <\/span>I suggested we sit outside. <\/span>It was 82 degrees, fairly low humidity, and the sort of beer garden back porch was covered and had ceiling fans. <\/span>When my friend and I said we\u2019d take a seat out there, after waiting five minutes to find someone who could seat us, we were met with incredulous stares and blubbering from two waiters and the bartender. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s hot out there!\u201d the bartender shouted in horror, as if we had just asked permission to rape an eight year old and film it. <\/span>(Or, as if we hadn\u2019t just fucking walked into the bar from the outside.) <\/span><\/p>\n

We replied that, hey, this is summer in DC, buddy. <\/span>If you think this is hot, then you\u2019d better get the first bus back to Fargo before fucking July and August when the fires of hell are licking at our feet. <\/span>So we sat outside, in that sort of bullish suburban yuppie way. <\/span>And nobody came to serve us. <\/span>Taking the hint, we went inside and sat at the bar, where the bartender cracked about half a dozen temperature jokes (\u201cWant some hot coffee, fellers, hahaha!\u201d) even though <\/span>we sat there staring blankly at him. <\/span>Finally, and I had to ask three times, we got ourselves two Stellas. <\/span>Ordering refills was a chore. <\/span>I asked for a second Stella, the bartender said okay, and then he spent several minutes milling around and organizing shit. <\/span>I had to flag him down again and ask a bit more aggressively. <\/span>And this was at an empty bar!<\/p>\n

Strike three \u2013 the food. <\/span>Tasteless and boring.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll not be heading back to Tommy Joe\u2019s unless I\u2019m in the mood to fight real hard for an expensive Stella. <\/span>Maybe they\u2019re better in the winter when the staff are willing to step outside?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve started collecting a file of dives and unique bars in the suburban DC area, because that\u2019s the sort of thing you do when you don\u2019t own a TV. Though, for the last week, I was house and dog sitting …<\/p>\n

Tommy Joe’s, Bethesda, MD<\/span> Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[78,74,100,225],"class_list":["post-116","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lush","tag-bar-reviews","tag-bars","tag-bethesda","tag-tommy-joes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=116"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1129,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116\/revisions\/1129"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=116"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=116"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=116"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}