Okay, Nacho, enough is enough. Remove that Monkey-shit description from the Freaky Times link. If you don't, I'll report you to the Jewish Anti-Defamation League and they'll track you down like a Nazi war criminal.
Use: "Read this newspaper or we'll shoot your dog!" It's plaigarized from the old National Lampoon Magazine, but I only steal from the best and fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.