Great Society

Archives => The Shithole => Topic started by: nacho on August 01, 2005, 09:28:30 PM

Title: Doctors
Post by: nacho on August 01, 2005, 09:28:30 PM
So I've been seeing tons of doctors ever since I got back from my irish-land trip.  The doctor who keeps the nerve in my face from killing me, and a foot doctor who's carving out the brain cancer that formed on my big toe because I went barefoot in a Romanian shower in 2004 and I caught the AIDS.  

At 9am, Tuesday morning, I go to see my first regular doctor in five or six years for a general checkup.  I'm doing this because I figure, hey, I'm 31, and I have brain cancer and AIDS and monkey flu, so I'd better get on top of shit.

My last regular doctor treated my nerve damage with three years worth of antibiotics, then refused to refer me to special doctors, then said "I give up," and told me to call an acupuncturist.  

So I'm a little wary of going to a GP again.  Before antibiotic girl, I had 10 other GP's who all told me the nerve damage was dental, or related to my thumb, or the migration of rodents or something.  None of them have done shit for me.

With that in mind, I go in for a check up.  It's a guy.  He's going to fist my ass and stick his tongue down my pee hole.  I just know it.  I'm a bundle of nerves.  Also, I'm taking muscle relaxants again because my nerve damage reacts to changes in weather and I'm all fucked up now.  I feel like a faerie flying...flying...
Title: Doctors
Post by: Tyson on August 01, 2005, 09:40:32 PM
I've been to about four specialists, had x-rays, CAT scans, MRI scans, blood tests, and voodoo-magic tests. No one can tell me why I'm a deaf motherfucker yet.

I bet $2,000 and a trip to China could fix it.

Can they just amputate your jaw? That would look really wicked! Imagine all the goth chicks you'd get with a metal jaw.
Title: Doctors
Post by: nacho on August 01, 2005, 09:45:32 PM
Not the jaw!  Not the jaw not the jaw!!

http://www.tna-support.org/newlook/definition.htm

I have "atypical" because there's no sign of damage.  I have second and third branch fucked up.

Oh, Mayo Clinic.  http://www.mayoclinic.com/invoke.cfm?id=DS00446
Title: Doctors
Post by: Tyson on August 01, 2005, 09:54:10 PM
Oh. I left my clipboard with your diagnosis on it at home. I'm trying to keep my records on you up-to-date.

All kidding aside, jesus:

Quote
...universally considered to be the most painful affliction known to medical practice...


Punch your doctor in the face if he says "I don't know" and gives you Midol.
Title: Doctors
Post by: nacho on August 01, 2005, 09:57:45 PM
Quote from: Tyson


Punch your doctor in the face if he says "I don't know" and gives you Midol.


They won't now that it's been diagnosed.  

The hardest part, really, is explaining it to friends and loved ones.  Everybody wants a cure, you know?  Nobody wants to hear that, in my case, there is no treatment.  Especially when they learn that there are treatments for some people.  I don't qualify, though.  The nature of my injury is that nothing shows up on the scans...therefore, nothing can be done to work on the nerve.
Title: Doctors
Post by: Tyson on August 01, 2005, 10:10:11 PM
Yeah. I should just accept that there's no cure for my deafness and my continuing slide towards complete deafness, but I don't. I'm a stubborn little whore like that. Even if I get cored by a shotgun, I'll still be asking doctors, "so, is there anything for my hearing?"
Title: Doctors
Post by: zerda on August 01, 2005, 11:43:13 PM
Zha, not like it matters, but I like you very much with the pain.  Not that I want to see anyone suffer, but it looks so good on you.  I'll go back and hide in my dungeon now, because this is mainly a conversation I have no place in.

Quote
"There is a great deal of pain in life and perhaps the only pain that can be avoided is the pain that comes from trying to avoid pain." R. D. Laing

Title: Doctors
Post by: Tyson on August 01, 2005, 11:47:13 PM
I'll agree with zerda: Nacho just ain't Nacho without the pain, in a weird sort of way.
Title: Doctors
Post by: RottingCorpse on August 02, 2005, 12:00:53 AM
Remember. Disease doesn't kill people. Doctors kill people.
Title: Doctors
Post by: Tyson on August 02, 2005, 03:22:04 PM
How odd that we're talking about ATN and deafness and then today, a coworker steps on my hearing aid. It fell out of my pocket when I sat down on my chair, which is breaking apart at the seams, and our floors are linoleum. So now my $1,500 tic tac is crushed in to a million little pieces. Here we go again. Insurance. Wait for three weeks. Start yelling and slurring my words because I can't hear myself speak.

At least it gives me an excuse to listen to "Minor Thing" at full-blast.
Title: Doctors
Post by: nacho on August 02, 2005, 03:32:16 PM
I really do think you should go the Blue route.  Insist that your hearing is fine and yell at people because they're "mumbling."

Get really upset if they fight back, roll your eyes and say, "Oh, go ahead, make fun of the deaf boy!  Mock the handicapped!"
Title: Doctors
Post by: Tyson on August 02, 2005, 03:40:21 PM
Actually, I've considered giving up before. Like when I lost my hearing aid three times within three months earlier this year. God, that was hell.

When I've been banned from all the hearing aid insurance companies, I probably will just give up. Go the Blue route. Or develop my own sign language that involves hip movements and vulgar hand gestures. Or move to the free-love deaf commune of Galludet.

But for now, I have an appointment on Monday where the doctor will give me disapproving looks and scribble in my file something about "stab pencil in ear when he's not looking". Then she'll fill my ear with cement, rip it out, mail it off to some shady Chinese factory, then call me the next week in tears because I didn't call her back when I promised to.
Title: Doctors
Post by: Blue on August 02, 2005, 04:12:52 PM
Jeez, is all you do talk about how deaf you are? I never tell anyone, except Nacho tells everyone so then I have to be like, well, yes, I am.

And, I read lips. So, Nacho has this weird way of speaking that he claims is because he watches too much BRITCOM and I can't ever figure out what he's saying, plus then he'll put his hand over his mouth and I want to hit him but I can't because he's got like the most painful affliction known to man or something.
Title: Doctors
Post by: Tyson on August 02, 2005, 04:35:34 PM
Quote from: Blue
Jeez, is all you do talk about how deaf you are? I never tell anyone, except Nacho tells everyone so then I have to be like, well, yes, I am.


Oh - I never tell anyone in real life. It didn't even come up here on the forums for a while. But once it does, it's fun to make fun of it. I'm not embarassed about it or anything, so I see no need to make a concious effort to keep it out of common knowledge.

I've dated girls for 6 months before they found out I was deaf. I'm good at fooling people I guess. Lip reading and all of that.

What hearing do you have left?
Title: Doctors
Post by: Blue on August 02, 2005, 04:41:29 PM
I don't let anyone make fun of me about it. It's not who I am, it's not reflective of the work I do, and it's not any of their damn business.

Last check was 10 years ago and I had 19-25% left in left, right respectively. I don't go to the because all they do is count down the percentages.
Title: Doctors
Post by: Blue on August 02, 2005, 04:45:47 PM
Tyson wants to know: Who's the deafest?
Title: Doctors
Post by: Tyson on August 02, 2005, 04:56:51 PM
Quote from: Blue
Tyson wants to know: Who's the deafest?


A deathmatch! It's like comparing battle scars or something... Whatever. I'm having a shit day. I'm telling my coworkers to piss off.

0%/25% L/R

*flexes*

Now I'm going to go to lunch so I can punch little animals. Hoo!
Title: Doctors
Post by: yotoc on August 02, 2005, 04:58:11 PM
Jesus Christ this turned into yet another shit thread.  Good job Tyson.
Title: Doctors
Post by: Blue on August 02, 2005, 04:58:58 PM
why would you celebrate being more deaf? That's just childish.