Election Watch

[nacho]

Okay, the funny people on that weird island are having some sort of election tomorrow.  Unlike our election, it looks like the Iraq thing is going to wing America's favorite lapdog.

Blair goes nuts, running around the country saying that everyone should avoid a Tory government because they eat babies.  

The prime minister's plea was accompanied by a promise not to raise national insurance contributions - something ministers have previously avoided - and a signal that Labour would review the reclassification of cannabis.

Cannibals?  What the fuck?  They'll make it okay to eat babies?  That's a real step-up for the Tories, if they do.

Appearing alongside his cabinet colleagues in the marginal London constituency of Finchley and Golders Green, Mr Blair said people faced a single choice in the polling booths tomorrow: "A Labour government or a Conservative government."

The eccentric Col. Finchley (rtd, deceased) and his madcap wife Golders were not available for comment.

Mr Kennedy, meanwhile, accused the prime minister of "running scared" of the Liberal Democrat challenge

Oh-ho!  Trouble brewing and --

The latest Times/Populus opinion poll puts Labour eight points ahead of the Conservatives, on 41% compared to the Tories' 27%, and with the Liberal Democrats on 23%.

Oh.

He [Blair] insisted it was "vital" that in the wake of the 11 September 2001 terror attacks, western leaders took a different attitude to weapons of mass destruction because of the terrorist threat.

He said that Iraq had been a "good place to start" as it had a history of broken UN resolutions, and would provide a warning to other states with banned weapons.

You know, as good as any.  Idaho would have been cheaper, but we tossed a coin and... Came up with Iceland, and that didn't work, so I said "I...I, I, I..."  Then we had Golders Green, Col. Finchley's amusing wife, pull several names out of her homemade hat...

They say voters are fed up with being let down by politicians...

...since 456 AD.

Mr Howard added: "It is not telling the truth that makes politics seem negative, that makes people think all politicians do not tell the truth...

"...And, also, Fawibble.  Fawibble bleep glurp wibble wobble!"

[Nubbins]

You know, as good as any. Idaho would have been cheaper, but we tossed a coin and... Came up with Iceland, and that didn't work, so I said "I...I, I, I..." Then we had Golders Green, Col. Finchley's amusing wife, pull several names out of her homemade hat...

[nacho]

Here, since no real news will be coming tonight...

http://orangecow.org/pythonet/sketches/election.htm

[Nubbins]

Here, since no real news will be coming tonight...

http://orangecow.org/pythonet/sketches/election.htm

God... that shit is so funny.  I think I'm going to change my name to Jethro Q. Walrustitty.

[nacho]

I'm going with Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Blackpool Rock Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable Brrroooo Norman Michael (rings bell) (blows whistle) Edward (sounds car horn) (does train impersonation) (sounds buzzer) Thomas Moo... (sings) "We'll keep a welcome in the..." (fires gun) William (makes silly noise) "Raindrops keep falling on my" (weird noise) "Don't sleep in the subway" (cuckoo cuckoo) Naaoooo... Smith.

[nacho]

So Tony Blair -- whoever he is! -- won the election by a slightly smaller majority.  Which means five more years of Centrist policies from the semi-Clinton of Europe.  Yay.  Better than the devil-children, I suppose.

As an Ameri-can and Ameri-do, I'm fascinated by the whole strong third party routine.  I know there are oodles of little parties, but the Liberal Democrats came in solidly in third place.  Real contenders.  So, of course, why can't that happen here?  We have all those seats, just like the Brits, why can't we have the two big dogs and some other groovy party grabbing 60-odd seats? I think they would have more sway than in Parliament since, secretly, we're still State's-rights.  

I also think it's possible for it to happen because here are differing opinions in the US, which is marked by the fact that only 1% of the population votes and those two guys always vote the opposite of each other so we always get 50/50 results and have to decide the winner by rounding up to the nearest tenth of a percent.

What if there were serious turnout, and a viable third party that represented, say, the people (I'm getting fanciful her) that snagged a bunch of seats in Congress and proceeded to fuck things up in ways the media would find endlessly amusing day after day after day after hourly update.  

And here we are with Revolution Party leader and Representative from Maryland, Nacho Sasha:

"<bleep> <bleep> Great Danes <bleep> <bleep> case of <bleep> Listerine <bleep> <bleep> chandelier <bleep> <bleep> Tabitha Jones, my intern."

[Matt]

since, secretly, we're still State's-rights.

No, we're not. States' rights have become a non-issue. States' righters lost in the Civil War and then the idea of states' rights has been co-opted by the media into the Civil War being all about slavery. Sure, there'll be a passing mention of "States' Rights" in your United States history class, but for all practical extents and purposes there's just a big memory gap in the social consciousness from 1812-1863.

[nacho]

since, secretly, we're still State's-rights.

No, we're not. States' rights have become a non-issue. States' righters lost in the Civil War and then the idea of states' rights has been co-opted by the media into the Civil War being all about slavery. Sure, there'll be a passing mention of "States' Rights" in your United States history class, but for all practical extents and purposes there's just a big memory gap in the social consciousness from 1812-1863.

And you're going by the US History 101 section A interpretation of State's Rights.

We do have a very centralized government today, yes, but you'll notice that Federal laws are all top tier sorts of things and, unlike most countries, they have very little influence on the day to day laws you live with.  Who bans smoking in restaurants?  The States, not the central government as you find elsewhere.  Who plows roads through your house?  Unless it's an Interstate, your state handles it.  Who arrests you for drunken driving?  the FBI or the State/local Police? Who prosecutes you?  The Supreme Court or the District/Circuit courts?  When you pay taxes on alcohol/tobacco, who are you paying?  When you start a business, who are you dealing with?  When you declare bankruptcy, who are you dealing with?  When you have a property dispute, who do you go to?

If you want to change the Constitution, who has the final say?

This is all a unique situation in the world, and the last of the State's rights...which are still protected and significant, despite the course of events since 1865.