Children of the Sun > Newsday Archives 2005

Howard Stern

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Nubbins:
High Pitched Eric in Craptastic '05.

This is unfucking real.

The premise is simple... take one disgusting, morbidly obese, indescribably dirty man with a comedically high pitched voice and place him in his apartment with 10 or so Sirius employees and Eric's hyperactive dog... and watch Eric gorge himself on food for 24 hours straight in an attempt to see how much excrement he can produce.  Place extensive bets on the grand totals and you have a recipe for... fuck if I know.

They've been trumpeting this "event" for a couple weeks now and intended to have it take place in the Sirius studios.  The studios wanted no part of this, forcing Eric and the rest of the crew to move the contest to his filthy apartment.

It's nauseating and really, really disgusting listening to this man eat and take craps in his living room, but goddammit if there isn't something so funny about it.  He insists on holding his dog while he craps.  Just now he got stuck on the toilet and the crew faced a bit of a dilemma because they had to get Eric off the toilet, but no one wanted to touch him.  All the while, his dog is barking like crazy... it's just hilarious.  It's so beyond all conceptions of normalcy and decency and as disgusting as Eric's performance has been, the crew reactions have been equally as funny.

"Look how sweaty his hands are!?!"

"We are all wearing surgical masks."

"Joey, use the toe of your boot... give him a hand!"

"Sadie, if you don't stop barking I'm gonna throw you out the fuckin' window!"

"Somebody call the EPA."

Nubbins:
Eric... has eaten... $75 worth... of Taco Bell.  Today.

And that's on top of countless calzones, a tub of pudding... holy mother of god.

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