Author Topic: Call Girl For Nacho?  (Read 13054 times)

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Offline nacho

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Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #15 on: May 02, 2005, 10:36:29 PM »
This hole where my wisdom tooth used to be is messing with me today.  All four came out in 1994, and they had to put me to sleep to go up and get the top two and, right before, say, a major catastrophe in America, those top holes get really sensitive.  Strange.

Offline Matt

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Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #16 on: May 02, 2005, 10:40:07 PM »
Quote from: starrwriter
Quote from: Matt
I'm busy these days trying to edit my school's Lit Mag, working to pay off debts ...


File for bankruptcy. That's how millionaires get out from under their debts.

Editing a school lit mag sounds like a great idea. Should get you some action from lonely female poets.

"Of course I'm going to publish your poem, Gwendolyn. If you could just help me with this little problem I have ..."


Christ, if only it was like that. Instead, we've gotten these gems:

- A mini-dictionary of dragons, referring to them as "wyrms." Looks a great deal like it was copied out of a book. Covers at least five different varieties of dragon, all apparantly European in origin.
- Fourteen haikus, all by the same person, seemingly pumped out like a crackwhore squeezes out little fetuses. Haikus are the bane of high school lit mag editor's existence, I swear. Seventeen syllables of pain. This girl was also the one who submitted the mini-dictionary of dragons.
- "The Dragons are Singing Tonight": I don't know if it was an original work or not but there was a picture of a dragon singing or something plus poetry that I never read. It was a visual abortion.
- One haiku that was about the pain a black rose feels or something like that. Also, it included a nice illustration of a black rose, but since it was on lined paper even if it was put in, we couldn't transfer the rose.
- Various poems from girlfriends to boyfriends, dealing with various levels of pain and loss. They're horrible.

After we didn't have an issue last year because the editor was a stoner who never did anything, I wanted this year to be really good and respectable. I'll be lucky to squeeze 70 pages of decent material. And, unlike other school zines, we have no funding from the school. But since we're flying under the radar, that means we'll be able to have some leeway when it comes to profanity and obscenity.

Offline starrwriter

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Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #17 on: May 02, 2005, 10:45:01 PM »
Quote from: Tyson
Nothing destroyed the once-lofty opinions I had of the beautiful women at my high school more than editing their poetry when I did the school lit mag. Jesus fuck.


I agree, women can't write worth a shit.

(I just got both of us in trouble with Jody.)

Offline nacho

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Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #18 on: May 02, 2005, 10:46:43 PM »
Quote from: Matt


Christ, if only it was like that. Instead, we've gotten these gems:

- A mini-dictionary of dragons, referring to them as "wyrms." Looks a great deal like it was copied out of a book. Covers at least five different varieties of dragon, all apparantly European in origin.


Refer them to me, Dragonrider!  I'll print it without editing and call it the greatest work of our time.  See if I don't!

Dragonriders of Greatsociety!

Offline starrwriter

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Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #19 on: May 02, 2005, 10:51:20 PM »
Quote from: nacho
This hole where my wisdom tooth used to be is messing with me today.  All four came out in 1994, and they had to put me to sleep to go up and get the top two and, right before, say, a major catastrophe in America, those top holes get really sensitive.  Strange.


My penis hurt like hell just before the Asian tsunami struck. What does it all mean, Nacho?

Offline nacho

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Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #20 on: May 02, 2005, 10:58:10 PM »
Quote from: starrwriter
Quote from: nacho
This hole where my wisdom tooth used to be is messing with me today.  All four came out in 1994, and they had to put me to sleep to go up and get the top two and, right before, say, a major catastrophe in America, those top holes get really sensitive.  Strange.


My penis hurt like hell just before the Asian tsunami struck. What does it all mean, Nacho?


Don't ever mention your penis again.

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Re: Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #21 on: May 02, 2005, 11:02:08 PM »
Quote from: Nubbins
*I only kid, Tyson, you know that.  I can look past the fact that you're not interested in one of the greatest American comedies ever committed to film because deep down inside, I know your heart's in the right place.


I actually had it sitting in my room for a month (thank you, NetFlix) btu I never had the time to watch it, so I sent it back.

Don't hate me. I just need a wet.

Offline nacho

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Re: Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #22 on: May 02, 2005, 11:04:30 PM »
Quote from: Tyson
Quote from: Nubbins
*I only kid, Tyson, you know that.  I can look past the fact that you're not interested in one of the greatest American comedies ever committed to film because deep down inside, I know your heart's in the right place.


I actually had it sitting in my room for a month (thank you, NetFlix) btu I never had the time to watch it, so I sent it back.

Don't hate me. I just need a wet.


Backpedaling!

Offline Matt

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« Reply #23 on: May 02, 2005, 11:04:36 PM »
Quote from: Tyson
Quote from: starrwriter
Editing a school lit mag sounds like a great idea. Should get you some action from lonely female poets.


Nothing destroyed the once-lofty opinions I had of the beautiful women at my high school more than editing their poetry when I did the school lit mag. Jesus fuck.

And the bastard advisor wouldn't let me cut them out. I had to publish "everything that isn't dirty". Asstard. Fucked up what would have been a good mag.

With three authors, sure, but so what? People are retarded!


Thank God we don't have to put in everything that's submitted. I'm trying my best to have quality control over what's put in, even if that's the same person with five pen names writing.

We used to print 50 copies of the mag in a school of ~1300 people. We'd be lucky to move 30-40 copies of those 50. I can only imagine how much less we would sell if we included everything submitted.

edit I forgot to add this too: this year I set up a generic hotmail account to send out a primitive newsletter/communication system, since no one ever showed up to meetings held in school. Now, I figured that some dipshit somewhere would sign this account to every porn and/or spam account imaginable.

Not one single spam e-mail. In well over 4 months of being open to the public. Apathy's worse than being spammed.

Offline nacho

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« Reply #24 on: May 02, 2005, 11:07:04 PM »
Quote from: Matt


I can only imagine how much less we would sell if we included everything submitted.


On the contrary...

Offline starrwriter

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Re: Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #25 on: May 02, 2005, 11:08:02 PM »
Quote from: Tyson
I'll show you my to do-list for tonight, and you'll guess why I'm not around GS as much this week:

* Start English thesis (Buy paper online for $5)
* Finish Global Cities discussion paper (Global City is an oxymoron)
* Finish and submit Systems Programming project (Tell teacher virus ate it)
* Read assigned English reading (Skim the first few paragraphs)
* Clean room & unpack shit (Why? It's ANAL!)
* Eat? (Drink beer for supper)
* Laundry (Wear dirty clothes another day. Are you compulsive, too?)
* Stab neck with common kitchen implement (You can do that some other day)


Simplify, simplify and college life will seem like sucking the Golden Udder.

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Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #26 on: May 02, 2005, 11:09:34 PM »
Quote from: Matt
We used to print 50 copies of the mag in a school of ~1300 people. We'd be lucky to move 30-40 copies of those 50. I can only imagine how much less we would sell if we included everything submitted.


The key to success is to start a rumor around school that the lit mag has either hardcore porn or compromising pictures of the principal inside. Start a controversy. Get the local press involved. Shit like that.

I started a rumor that because I had to allow everything in, the mag was 90% ball-suckage. Well... It was.

Fuck that. I have Entropy Mag for my good lit lovin'.

Offline Matt

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Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #27 on: May 02, 2005, 11:14:28 PM »
Yeah, I'm digging for controversy. I'm hoping I can get some Arabic kids interested if I have an interview with an Arabic girl and how she really feels about having to wear a scarf constantly, etc. The Americanization of Arabic culture is actually a pretty hot button around here, especially the Americanization of Muslim women.

I also putting my short story in it about hermaphrodites, so that could have some controversy too.

Offline nacho

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Re: Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #28 on: May 02, 2005, 11:17:39 PM »
Quote from: starrwriter
Quote from: Tyson
I'll show you my to do-list for tonight, and you'll guess why I'm not around GS as much this week:

* Start English thesis (Buy paper online for $5)
* Finish Global Cities discussion paper (Global City is an oxymoron)
* Finish and submit Systems Programming project (Tell teacher virus ate it)
* Read assigned English reading (Skim the first few paragraphs)
* Clean room & unpack shit (Why? It's ANAL!)
* Eat? (Drink beer for supper)
* Laundry (Wear dirty clothes another day. Are you compulsive, too?)
* Stab neck with common kitchen implement (You can do that some other day)


Simplify, simplify and college life will seem like sucking the Golden Udder.


Gonna have to agree here, Tyson.  You're not getting the most out of college.  I studied for tests the morning of, wore my clothes to bed, never unpacked anything except my computer and my videotapes and only ate bread along with my beer.

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Call Girl For Nacho?
« Reply #29 on: May 02, 2005, 11:19:11 PM »
Quote from: Matt
Yeah, I'm digging for controversy. I'm hoping I can get some Arabic kids interested if I have an interview with an Arabic girl and how she really feels about having to wear a scarf constantly, etc. The Americanization of Arabic culture is actually a pretty hot button around here, especially the Americanization of Muslim women.

I also putting my short story in it about hermaphrodites, so that could have some controversy too.


You'll go far in the literary world!

Post the worst here at GS!