The Man Trap
Star Trek Axiom #2 - If your ex-lover has been doing research on some backwater planet and no one's talked to them for a few years, kill them on sight because, look, they're already dead and have been transformed into some kind of alien, android, etc. Yeah, I know. You used to love them. Life sucks.
So, Kirk, McCoy, and Red Shirt #57-T64 go down to do some routine medical exams on an archeologist and his wife, who is McCoy's old flame from . . . somewhere ten years before. The episode tips it's hand almost immediately by showing that Bones sees her exactly as she was ten years ago, Kirk sees her as a grey haired lady, and Red Shirt Darnell sees her as a super hot blond swinging 60s Sally. She's immediately starts tripping on how they're low on salt tablets. The she heads outside to go fetch her husband. Darnell follows her. Exeunt the Red Shirt.
Her husband, Professor Crater, shows up and is pretty pissed off about the examination claiming that he and his wife just need salt tablets. It's at this point they find Darnell the Red Shirt dead with some kind of space herpes on his face. Nancy says she found him like that, dead with a plant in his mouth. The conclusion being that Darnell went trolling from some 'shrooms and got a bad batch. Know your 'shrooms, man. Know your 'shrooms.
Only Spock analyses the plant and says Darnell shouldn't have space herpes. Plus, all the salt has been drained from his body. Have I mentioned salt three times? I think I have.
Meanwhile "Nancy" kills another Red Shirt and then morphs into him. While Kirk and Spock stay on the planet, Nancy the fake Red Shirt goes aboard the Enterprise and starts roaming the halls. Say, there's Yeoman Rand with a plate of food. And a salt shaker! Let's follow her. Wait, here's Lt. Uhura. Let's, um, shapeshift into a black crew member and start probing her memories and talking about Africa. Then while McCoy is sleeping, let's shapeshift into McCoy and head to the bridge. What? This shit's not making any sense at all? Just go with it man. I know my 'shrooms. You're okay.
Back in the planet, Professor Crater admits to Kirk and Spock that Nancy's been dead for a year, killed by the shapeshifting creature now aboard the Enterprise. Really? You didn't think that was worth mentioning earlier? Oh, you love her. I see. Um, see Star Trek Axiom #2, you asshole.
Kirk, Spock, and Crater beam aboard the ship and go to see McCoy. Only McCoy isn't McCoy! (Now that I think about it, nobody on this show is ever who you think they are.) Anyway, "McCoy" suggests they deal with the creature peacefully. Kirk is like "Fuck that noise," and tells Crater to help them find out who the creature is disguised as. Crater is like "Fuck that noise," and Kirk orders him to sick bay for a little dose of truth serum. In sick bay, the creature freaks out, kills Crater and injures Spock. (Though doesn't kill him because he's a Vulcan and has no salt in his body.)
The creature turns back into Nancy, and goes to see the real McCoy who's been sleeping through all this. (The soundproofing in the Enterprise walls must be AMAZING.) Kirk shows up to kill the creature. McCoy stops him and takes his phaser because he thinks Nancy is still Nancy. Kirk is like, "Shoot her, you dumb mother fucker! Remember Star Trek Axiom #2!" After Spock shows up and gets a beat down, McCoy realizes what everyone else did in the first five minutes of the episode and shoots Nancy who reverts to her true form; a grey haired yeti with a toilet plunger for a mouth and suction cups from fingers. (So THAT is where the space herpes came from.)
See, Bones? Star Trek Axiom #2. Got it? Good. Now, let's go make sure Nurse Chapel gets it before we watch What Are Little Girls Made Of?
