Author Topic: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)  (Read 31021 times)

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Offline Matt

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The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« on: April 16, 2010, 05:59:42 PM »
okay this is the X-Files thread, feel free to mock it however and whenever you want. I'm on the episode right now where they're trying to save a miracle Jesus child and Mulder is all "fuck religion" and Scully is like "omg I'm a Catholic again".

The funny thing is last season Mulder was all into satanism and that was totally believable but Christians? pfffffffft

Offline Matt

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2010, 06:02:24 PM »
Notable guest stars:

skinny Jack Black
every single guest star on Stargate SG-1 ever, but ten years younger

Offline Matt

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2010, 06:05:10 PM »
also I'm in the middle of season 3. I have to admit I've done other things while "watching" so I'm not entirely up on the whole conspiracy but that's okay, it doesn't seem to be that well-written anyway :)

Offline nacho

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2010, 06:06:37 PM »
Man, I haven't watched an episode of X-Files since it went off the air.  I can only picture three of them.  The pilot, cause we see Scully in her underwear, and the flat man one, and the invisible forest sprites/Bigfoot one.

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2010, 06:07:17 PM »
flat man? was that when Tony Shalhoub killed people when they touched his shadow?

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2010, 06:07:45 PM »
Oh and the one where they're going crazy and Mulder is stuffing orange juice concentrate into his pint bottle of vodka and making a mess.

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2010, 06:07:58 PM »
flat man? was that when Tony Shalhoub killed people when they touched his shadow?

No, the guy who could squeeze through vents and shit.

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2010, 06:09:43 PM »
Oh. The two-parter dude who ate livers. Yeah that was a failed experiment in suspense, wasn't it?

Also the most fucked up episode so far was the conjoined twin that could detach itself and then killed people by trying to dig into and conjoin with them because he hated his brother? And he looked like an underdeveloped fetus. And in the end he got eaten.

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2010, 06:12:51 PM »
Oh. The two-parter dude who ate livers. Yeah that was a failed experiment in suspense, wasn't it?

Also the most fucked up episode so far was the conjoined twin that could detach itself and then killed people by trying to dig into and conjoin with them because he hated his brother? And he looked like an underdeveloped fetus. And in the end he got eaten.

Wow!  That's like a bad episode of Monsters.

Yeah, I could never marathon this fucking show.  I actually stopped watching for a while.  I think I stopped around the fourth season, then picked up again in the last season and was like, huh? 

Which was the season where Anderson was having her baby IRL so Scully spent the entire time in some dreamscape where her body double was sitting in a boat on a misty lake?

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2010, 06:15:58 PM »
I never watched it when it came out so this is like a whole new experience of awful.

This latest episode is about supercockroaches. It features the first scene of Mulder and Scully talking about the existence of extraterrestrial life, and they talk about it like they've never fucking talked about it before, not once in the two years or whatever they've worked together and Mulder has blathered on and on about his sister's abduction or whatever.

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #10 on: April 16, 2010, 06:18:41 PM »
Also Carter explicates terms in the most hamfisted way. Like the cockroach exterminator was dead and Mulder's telling Scully about it and Scully says, "hey, maybe he died of anaphylactic shock"? and Mulder goes, "hmm, never thought about that!"

jesus christ

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #11 on: April 16, 2010, 06:22:18 PM »
I never watched it when it came out so this is like a whole new experience of awful.



Haha!  Seriously?  Oh, shit, man.  You are in for a nasty horror show.  Yeah, the baby season is something.  That's when I stopped watching. If I recall correctly, the last three seasons don't even have Scully and Mulder, except for guest appearances.  

Yeah, here, I looked it up... The movie was the jump the shark moment, if anyone actually still enjoyed it at that point. It's set between seasons five and six.  Seasons 7-9 are the new cast (sorta kinda) seasons and, if I'm correct, either season five leading up to the movie or season six is dreamscape Scully.

No way are you going to make it, man.  


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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #12 on: April 16, 2010, 06:24:09 PM »
I've seen two other episodes: the episode with the baseball player alien and the episode shot LIVE!, and both of those were fun in their own way.

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #13 on: April 16, 2010, 06:24:33 PM »
What I really hate about the movie is that Scully witnesses a massive Doctor Who style alien event and we start season six with her more skeptical than ever before.  Huh?

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Re: The X-Files Sucks (I Hate the 90s)
« Reply #14 on: April 16, 2010, 06:25:10 PM »
Almost every episode I'm just astonished that this show lasted for ten fucking seasons