Taken for Granite > Rotting Corpse Takes Manhattan

The Fat Chihuahua Diary

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This morning I drove six hours to pick up a four year old chihuahua that weighs almost NINETEEN POUNDS.

Here's the story:

The wife of my late grandfather, not my grandmother, but his second wife was just put in a nursing home a week or so because she has advanced dementia. My uncle told me this morning that she's unresponsive and "drawing up" which is to say she's going fetal as her body and mind break down.

There's a very long story with this woman, my grandfather, and my grandmother that spans much of the twentieth century. It's sordid, ugly, and nearly tore my father's family apart. It's also way too long to go into here.

Anyway, a couple of years ago, after my gradfather died, this old, senile woman got a chihuahua. She didn't let it drink water because she was afraid it would pee all over the house and she fed it chocolate which if you don't know is basically poison to dogs. She didn't just give it little pieces either. She'd feed it whole candy bars.

Chihuahuas are supposed to weigh 2 - 7 pounds. As I've said, this one weighs almost 19.

Mrs. RC and I were asked to take the dog because my parents don't need another, nor does my sister. We're cat people, but it's (supposed to be) a small dog.

Her name is Abbie, but I call her "Abby Arcane" after the niece of Swamp Thing's nemesis who eventually becomes his lover. She very sweet. I like her a lot. The cats have done very well with her since she got here today.

This thread will be dedicated to regular updates on Abby as Mrs. RC and I get her on a regular diet and exercise program and try to get her down to a semi-healthy weight before she's dead. I feel pretty confident in our ability to do so, but she's pretty bad off.

Here's a picture at 18.8 pounds.

Jesus Christ, man.

By the way, your voicemail was hilarious.

It was all pretty surreal at that point.

Vet visit on Monday. Our vet is a no bullshit guy with very unromantic views of animals. He's going to have fucking apoplexy when he sees this dog.

It looks like a dog shaped ottoman.


It looks like a fucking Corgi.


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