Author Topic: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)  (Read 124756 times)

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Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #915 on: January 06, 2018, 10:47:50 AM »
Hard drive clearances:

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri: So I love McDormand. And this movie also stars everyfucking body else. It was outrageously laugh out loud funny up till the third act... Which is a bad thing, because I think it's supposed to be a drama? And then the ending is a hot mess that makes no sense, goes against the characters, delivers no resolution or satisfaction, and made us scream at the TV.
Official Nacho Rating: :fuckyou:



The Mountain Between Us: Idris Elba, some chick I should know, and a dog crash on a mountain and have to survive while falling in love, forgetting their wounds for the sake of action sequences, not losing weight or suffering at all over the course of weeks, and not eating the dog. I turned it off at the 40 minute mark and regretted the minutes wasted in my increasingly shortening life.
Official Nacho Rating:  snorebot!


The Big Sick: Based on Nanjiani's real life relationship, this is actually a quiet little movie that's lovely in every way. It's polite, it has a calm, approchable, moderate humor. It hits all the marks. We don't quite address the subtext that Nanjiani is essentially stalking this girl while she's in a coma (it's said, but not examined), but that's okay. Not worth going out of your way to watch, though.
Official Nacho Rating:  :happy1:
« Last Edit: January 06, 2018, 10:53:07 AM by nacho »

Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #916 on: January 07, 2018, 12:10:36 AM »
Hard drive clearances:

Dunkirk:

A beautiful movie told in a strangely claustrophobic way. Nolan pulls out all the same visual and musical cues that made The Dark Knight amazing, following the evacuation at Dunkirk through the eyes of a handful of people. It's tense, exciting, and simply stunning to watch. Unfortunately, it feels needlessly complicated and a little too personal. We're essentially following one timeline that's shattered, Memento-style, so it all seems to pull together in the end...but it doesn't really mater that it pulls together because it's obviously just the writer's room being too clever for their pants. Meanwhile, the insular approach to the story -- strictly from the POV of the individual people -- cheapens the scope of the evacuation. 300,000 troops were evacuated by a flotilla of canoes and civilian craft. It's one of the most amazing moments of WWII, yet it's reduced to Joe Schmoe's viewpoint. Which might be fine if it was a more well-known engagement from the war. Consequently, the movie has to pause every once in a while to take a breath and explain itself. So...overdone.

Official Nacho Rating:  vduel

It:

Man, this just made me want to see Tim Curry again in his prime. I feel like the soul of King and the book was ripped out of this and we were left with a ham-fisted attempt to play on our nostalgia. I felt that the movie cribbed from all the horror movies that, ironically, have cribbed from It. Which was weird. Like the filmmakers are all 20 years old and didn't understand what they had. I actually had to fast forward through some of the slower points.

Official Nacho Rating:  this movie needs sam neill

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets:

Another insanely beautiful movie that, sadly, depends on being a 3D movie. It trades plot, storytelling, and everything else for whiz-bangedness. This movie relies on two things: That enough French people who read the comics in the 60's and 70's will watch and re-watch it enough times to make a billion dollars and, for the rest of us, that we'll gape at ‎Cara Delevingne long enough to forget to ask for a refund of our admission price.

Official Nacho Rating:  :sign4:

Offline RottingCorpse

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #917 on: January 07, 2018, 12:38:53 PM »
Hard Drive Clearance reviews are the best! Only topped by love blogging of something awful.

Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #918 on: January 09, 2018, 06:34:01 PM »
Hard drive clearances:

Mayhem:

A virus that's just like the rage virus in 28 Day Later nearly wipes out humanity. However, we recover and all is okay. Post-virus, teams of lawyers work to clear the people who murdered everyone while infected. From time to time, rage outbreaks occur and the antidote takes about 24 hours to kick in. In these cases, a strict quarantine is enforced and whatever poor bastards are caught in the zone get torn to pieces Purge style.

Enter Glenn from The Walking Dead. He's a junior lawyer working for terrible people and he gets fired. As he's trudging out the door, a rage virus outbreak occurs in his building (I couldn't follow why this happened...just bad luck I guess). Glenn becomes infected and decides to kill his bosses, in league with Samara Weaving, an innocent who has been screwed over by lawyers.

Lots of great battle scenes. Amazing budget. Amazing artistic approach. Solid acting. Stupid as ever-loving fuck. This movie exists because Glenn walked up to a rich guy and said "I'm Glenn from The Walking Dead. Can I make a movie?" And the rich guy said "You can have $50 million if you agree to watch the season 9 premiere with me."

Official Nacho Rating:  :colbert:

Jigsaw:

Um... This is the exact same plot as the last three Saw movies... I mean, like, I had to go online and make sure I didn't download the wrong movie.

Official Nacho Rating:  :mccainface:


Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #919 on: January 20, 2018, 11:29:02 AM »
Hard drive clearances:


Happy Death Day:

Oh my god, this movie was great. Straight-up Groundhog Day (it even gets name-checked) in a horror movie. A lovable cast, a fun twist, and all the right Groundhog Day tropes (the day where she goes nuts and doesn't care, the day where she gives up) at the right times. I went into this with zero expectations and loved it. Well worth watching.

Nacho's rating:  :cool:

Geostorm:

Whew, boy, is this some dumb shit. But the production values are through the roof. And the dumb shit isn't so dumb that you can't sit through it. Turn off your brain and it's actually an okay story. A little bit of intrigue, some good actors, some great action, and beautiful space sets. Watchable, but mindless and mildly insulting if your brain accidentally turns on.

Nacho's rating: :pokemonrocks:


Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #920 on: January 21, 2018, 02:21:00 PM »
Thor: Ragnarok livebog!

I'm pausing at the 16 minute mark because it took me this long to stop thinking about Hunt for the Wilderpeople and how this movie needs Sam Neill. Like every movie.

Just as I was settling into Thor-land, Hasselbeck Crumblesnatch appears and I then had to adapt to crossover country.

Generally, though: All future Marvel projects should be directed by obscure antipodean introspective-satire directors. New rule!

So now that I'm settling in and I opened this Ketel One... I'm in for the ride! This seems not easily liveblogable, though, because I kind of want to sit here and stare at Chris Hemsworth. In...um...in a manly way, you know? Um...

   

Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #921 on: January 21, 2018, 02:34:46 PM »
Oh, yes. Cate Blanchett in a catsuit. Good choice. Thank you.

Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #922 on: January 21, 2018, 02:37:38 PM »
Thor and Loki land on the trash planet from the 1986 Transformers movie! Like...scene for scene almost:


Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #923 on: January 21, 2018, 02:41:39 PM »
Oh, just Thor. So Loki is probably with the Quintessons.

Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #924 on: January 21, 2018, 02:42:43 PM »
Cate's basically just playing Galadriel if she had taken the One Ring.

Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #925 on: January 21, 2018, 02:44:34 PM »
Conflicted henchman trope alert!

Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #926 on: January 21, 2018, 02:45:56 PM »
Thor landed in a 1990's sci-fi dystopia. I hope Mick Jagger shows up as an antagonist. "FREEJACK!!!!!"

Offline RottingCorpse

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #927 on: January 21, 2018, 02:46:01 PM »
Cate Blanchett in this movie makes me feel funny... in a good way. Talk about a lady who's aged well.

Oh, and I had the Junkion thought when I watched it too, Interested in your take on Tessa Thompson's character. And Goldblum.
« Last Edit: January 21, 2018, 02:48:10 PM by RottingCorpse »

Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #928 on: January 21, 2018, 02:46:46 PM »
Thor landed in a 1990's sci-fi dystopia. I hope Mick Jagger shows up as an antagonist. "FREEJACK!!!!!"

Goldblum works in a pinch. So still on track.

Offline nacho

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Re: Not worth a thread: Silver Screen Edition (with downloadable supplement)
« Reply #929 on: January 21, 2018, 02:48:34 PM »
Suddenly...I want a reboot of Ice Pirates inspired by this whole Goldblum holding court scene.