Author Topic: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!  (Read 85264 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline Cassander

  • Cap'n 40 Watt
  • Old Timer
  • Wee Bin Hoker
  • ***
  • Posts: 6087
  • Simmer down now!
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #330 on: January 14, 2009, 02:19:14 AM »
see, in the future rank is determined not by years of service, valor in combat, or honorable deeds, but by how many different species you have slept with.  or, in troi's case, "empathized" with.  which is why jean-luc picard, captain of the most outstanding ship in the federation and saver of thousands of worlds, never gets even a whiff of a promotion.  and why kirk got to (briefly) become admiral.  i think.  i gave up on all this years ago. 
You ain't a has been if you never was.

Offline nacho

  • Hallowed are the Ori.
  • Walter The Farting Dog
  • You're a kitty!
  • *****
  • Posts: I am a geek!!
    • GS
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #331 on: January 14, 2009, 07:04:40 AM »
Or is it determined by a change in writing staff which includes someone who asks:  "How come nobody has been promoted since season one?" (That's Ronald Moore) and gets the reply "Because it would ruin the reality of the show."  (That's Miller and Berman)

Offline nacho

  • Hallowed are the Ori.
  • Walter The Farting Dog
  • You're a kitty!
  • *****
  • Posts: I am a geek!!
    • GS
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #332 on: January 14, 2009, 07:19:33 AM »
Masks.

The Enterprise is studying a comet, which also holds a library and spooky temple from a dead civilization...which takes over Data who, yet again, takes over the Enterprise. 

It suddenly hit me -- the Windows virus uploaded to the alien ships in Independence Day makes perfect sense to TNG people.  How many fucking times does Data malfunction?  Soong-type android my ass.  I think he was made by Worf's little boy.

This episode is laughable and awful and I hope everyone who made it dies.

Offline nacho

  • Hallowed are the Ori.
  • Walter The Farting Dog
  • You're a kitty!
  • *****
  • Posts: I am a geek!!
    • GS
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #333 on: January 14, 2009, 12:14:04 PM »
Eye of the Beholder.

And now Troi gets a ghost story!  Though this one is a bit more palatable.  While investigating the death of a crewmember, she ends up unraveling a murder that took place on the Enterprise while it was being constructed.  And they aren't ghosts, they're just "telepathic leftovers" which, of course, Troi can pick up as part of her powers.  So okay. 

Also, Troi's hotter than Crusher, and we get some serious interior wankery as they crawl all over and give us a peek at parts of the ship we've never seen before.

Offline nacho

  • Hallowed are the Ori.
  • Walter The Farting Dog
  • You're a kitty!
  • *****
  • Posts: I am a geek!!
    • GS
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #334 on: January 14, 2009, 06:26:43 PM »
Genesis.

Barclay's last episode!  He has a cameo in the movies, and appears in a bunch of Voyager episodes. 

This is yet another tried and true sci-fi rip off.  Picard and Data are off in a shuttle screwing around and, when they return, they find that the crew is infected with a virus that devolves them into prehistoric creatures.  All thanks to Barclay getting the flu.

Troi becomes an amphibian, Riker becomes a caveman, Barclay becomes a spider, the smiley Asian nurse becomes an ape, Worf becomes a scary videogame monster.  It's all terrible nonsense, but it's fun to have Picard and Data fucking around on a ghost ship full of monsters. 

Oh, and Picard turns into a lemur.

Yeah.

« Last Edit: January 14, 2009, 06:35:53 PM by nacho »

Offline nacho

  • Hallowed are the Ori.
  • Walter The Farting Dog
  • You're a kitty!
  • *****
  • Posts: I am a geek!!
    • GS
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #335 on: January 14, 2009, 08:46:59 PM »
Journey's End.

Wesley Episode!



Wesley tries to save an American Indian colony from the Cardassians. 

It's a clumsy lead-in for Voyager, actually.  This is where Chakoty comes from. The Indians are told that they have to be relocated, and they bitch about how they've had enough of white people, and so they end up leaving the Federation, but fall under Cardassian rule.

The story is picked up in DS9 with the founding of the Maquis, and it all comes to a head in the Voyager pilot.

Wesley is written out of the series forever.  He leaves Starfleet (and, presumably, his humanity) to join The Traveler.  But, like everything in the series, this is retconned in the movies.  Notably Nemesis, where Wesley is alive, well, human, and in Starfleet again.

Offline Cassander

  • Cap'n 40 Watt
  • Old Timer
  • Wee Bin Hoker
  • ***
  • Posts: 6087
  • Simmer down now!
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #336 on: January 14, 2009, 08:56:12 PM »
Wesley is written out of the series forever.  He leaves Starfleet (and, presumably, his humanity) to join The Traveler.  But, like everything in the series, this is retconned in the movies.  Notably Nemesis, where Wesley is alive, well, human, and in Starfleet again.

Probably still running and hiding from Keifer Sutherland.

You ain't a has been if you never was.

Offline nacho

  • Hallowed are the Ori.
  • Walter The Farting Dog
  • You're a kitty!
  • *****
  • Posts: I am a geek!!
    • GS
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #337 on: January 14, 2009, 09:03:17 PM »
How often have you struck that same pose in the same outfit?  Once a day?

Offline nacho

  • Hallowed are the Ori.
  • Walter The Farting Dog
  • You're a kitty!
  • *****
  • Posts: I am a geek!!
    • GS
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #338 on: January 14, 2009, 09:08:45 PM »
So when the indian asks Wesley what's sacred to him, Wesley answers: "Things."

Ronald D. Moore, ladies and gentlemen.  I'm starting to wonder who is actually writing BSG.  Maybe everyone is getting together and correcting his teleplays before the episode films.

Offline Nubbins

  • Powerful Poots
  • You're a kitty!
  • *****
  • Posts: 15354
  • maybe you shouldn't dress like a bumblebee, bitch
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #339 on: January 14, 2009, 09:15:09 PM »
Things.... fuck, that shit is heavy.
8=o tation

Offline nacho

  • Hallowed are the Ori.
  • Walter The Farting Dog
  • You're a kitty!
  • *****
  • Posts: I am a geek!!
    • GS
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #340 on: January 14, 2009, 09:28:52 PM »
Firstborn.

So Worf's son comes from the future to teach his past self to be a warrior so that he's not such a troubled pussy.  Though we don't find out the identity of the mysterious family friend until the climax, where there's much heartwarming Klingonness.

This closes the Alexander story arc.  All is okay, tra-la-la, Worf finally makes peace with having a son.  And we don't see Alexander again till the end of DS9.

This episode also restarts the Duras Sisters arc, largely setting up the plot for Generations (which was conceived, written, and filmed during the seventh season).

It's also a DS9 crossover episode.

And, also, it sucks.

Offline nacho

  • Hallowed are the Ori.
  • Walter The Farting Dog
  • You're a kitty!
  • *****
  • Posts: I am a geek!!
    • GS
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #341 on: January 15, 2009, 09:51:08 AM »
Oh, happy day.  The last three normal episodes are on my flash drive.  I'll try and get them in today, and then watch the two hour finale tonight...and then the marathon is over!

Offline Cassander

  • Cap'n 40 Watt
  • Old Timer
  • Wee Bin Hoker
  • ***
  • Posts: 6087
  • Simmer down now!
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #342 on: January 15, 2009, 09:54:03 AM »
i wish i could be there at the finish line to watch you fall to your knees in joyous exhaustion.
You ain't a has been if you never was.

Offline nacho

  • Hallowed are the Ori.
  • Walter The Farting Dog
  • You're a kitty!
  • *****
  • Posts: I am a geek!!
    • GS
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #343 on: January 15, 2009, 09:55:44 AM »
I think my apartment building will explode five minutes before the conclusion.  Then I'll have to sit in purgatory for a thousand years, forever tormented by the fact that I failed to finish the marathon.

Offline nacho

  • Hallowed are the Ori.
  • Walter The Farting Dog
  • You're a kitty!
  • *****
  • Posts: I am a geek!!
    • GS
Re: Suffering Through TNG: It's time for your oral exam, Wesley!
« Reply #344 on: January 15, 2009, 10:01:31 AM »
Bloodlines.

So...let's do it.  In what we'll call Nemesis-lite, the Ferengi (Bok -- a recurring enemy) reveals that Picard has a son he didn't know about...and that son is being held for ransom.

Of course, unlike in Nemesis, it's all a clumsy trick and Picard outsmarts Bok and wins the day.  This pretty much closes the "evil Ferengi" arc, as Bok is taken into custody and never heard from again.  And now we'll pause to yawn and fall asleep at my desk before we even get into the first act.