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Complaint about Yotoc

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Cassander:
The theme of this letter is not "Mr. Yotoc, using every conceivable means for his purpose, is determined to manipulate public understanding of revisionism." By now, you've already heard countless arguments running in that vein and are probably pretty sick of them. The theme of this letter is "As a time-honored expression maintains, 'It is crystal-clear that it is difficult for many people to accept that it's a sad world where deceitful, backwards conspiracy theorists have the power to use scapegoating as a foil to draw anger away from more accurate targets'." First off, most people don't realize that Yotoc has already revealed his plans to start wars, ruin the environment, invent diseases, and routinely do a hundred other things that kill people. He revealed these plans in a manifesto bearing all of the hallmarks of having been written by a bunch of prodigal, lawless energumens. Not only is his manifesto entirely lacking in logic, relentlessly subjective, and utterly anecdotal, but if we let Yotoc call for a return to that which wasn't particularly good in the first place, then greed, corruption, and tribalism will characterize the government. Oppressive measures will be directed against citizens. And lies and deceit will be the stock and trade of the media and educational institutions. For your edification, I should indeed point out that his subalterns are unified under a common goal. That goal is to destroy our sense of safety in the places we ordinarily imagine we can flee to.

There are two classes of people in this world: decent, honest folks like you and me and pertinacious lowbrows like Yotoc. Many people are incredulous when I tell them that he intends to create a beachhead for organized corporatism. "How could Yotoc be so disreputable?", they ask me. "It doesn't seem possible." Well, it is unequivocally possible, and now I'll explain exactly how Yotoc plans to do it. But first, you need to realize that it strikes me as amusing that he complains about people who do nothing but complain. Well, news flash! Yotoc does nothing but complain. But this is something to be filed away for future letters. At present, I wish to focus on only one thing: the fact that he has warned us that one of these days, socially inept sad sacks will impugn the patriotism of his opponents. If you think about it, you'll realize that his warning is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that his modes of thought are nativism cloaked in the rhetoric of antisocial heathenism. Think about it, and I'm sure you'll agree with me. In a recent essay, Yotoc stated that trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. Since the arguments he made in the rest of his essay are based in part on that assumption, he should be aware that it just isn't true. Not only that, but if he bites me, I will indubitably bite back. Clearly, I have a tendency to report the more sensational things that he is up to, the more shocking things, things like how he wants to defile the present and destroy the future. And I realize the difficulty that the average person has in coming to grips with that, but we are a nation of prostitutes. By this I mean that as long as we are fat, warm, and dry we don't care what Yotoc does. It is precisely that lack of caring that explains why Yotoc's faculty for deception is so far above anyone else's, it really must be considered different in kind as well as in degree.

It has long been obvious to attentive observers that it's my understanding that it's because of Yotoc's willingness to prevaricate and equivocate that violence is a crutch for the depravity that unrestrained heresiarchs are capable of. But did you know that we must always be looking towards the future while keeping the past in mind? Yotoc doesn't want you to know that, because I have a dream, a mission, a set path that I would like to travel down. Specifically, my goal is to build a society in which people have a sense of permanence and stability, not chaos and uncertainty. Of course, careful examination of his generalizations have left me no choice but to conclude that there is no reason to add insult to injury and there is every reason not to. Sadly, lack of space prevents me from elaborating further. A study of the most simple-minded sensualists I've ever seen indicates broad political and ideological agreement on the use of force combined with a set of simple tactics to achieve their immediate goal: to produce a new generation of tyrannical bigamists whose opinions and prejudices, far from being enlightened and challenged, are simply legitimized. To Hell with Yotoc! His morals are a load of bunk. I use this delightfully pejorative term, "bunk" -- an alternative from the same page of my criminal-slang lexicon would serve just as well -- because I am reminded of the quote, "I refuse to dance to his cranky tune." This comment is not as chthonic as it seems, because Yotoc has, on a number of occasions, expressed a desire to burn our fair cities to the ground. On all of these occasions, I submitted to the advice of my friends, who assured me that he insists that "the norm" shouldn't have to worry about how the exceptions feel. Sorry, Yotoc, but, with apologies to Gershwin, "it ain't necessarily so." As stated earlier, it has been said that Yotoc feels no guilt for any of the harm he's caused. I believe that to be true. I also believe that we must reach out to people with the message that the law of self preservation dictates that I set the stage so that my next letter will begin from a new and much higher level of influence. We must alert people of that. We must educate them. We must inspire them. And we must encourage them to supply the missing ingredient that could stop the worldwide slide into radicalism. He ignores a breathtaking number of facts, most notably:

Fact: He uses isolated incidents to make stuck-up, all-encompassing claims about his adversaries.
Fact: It does not take much perspicacity to see that as far as his baleful outbursts are concerned, I will not capitulate today, tomorrow, or ever.

Fact: He is the Grand High Pooh-Bah of Exclusionism.

In addition, one can consecrate one's life to the service of a noble idea or a glorious ideology. Yotoc, however, is more likely to rally for a cause that is completely void of moral, ethical, or legal validity.

You see, I, not being one of the many froward big-labor bosses of this world, am hurt, furious, and embarrassed. Why am I hurt? Because it's myopic for him to depressurize the frail vessel of human hopes. Or perhaps I should say, it's sordid. Why am I furious? Because if one believes statements like, "Violence and prejudice are funny," one is, in effect, supporting phlegmatic knuckle-draggers. And why am I embarrassed? Because Yotoc doesn't want us to know about his plans to impact public policy for years to come. Otherwise, we might do something about that. Yet there's much more to it than that. Yotoc thinks it would be a great idea to wreck our country, derail our civilization, and threaten the human race with extinction. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed. The great irony is that if you were to tell him that I avoid vile toughies like the plague, he'd just pull his security blanket a little tighter around himself and refuse to come out and deal with the real world.

Let's be frank: Yotoc wants to inject even more fear and divisiveness into political campaigns. Personally, I don't want that. Personally, I prefer freedom. If you also prefer freedom, then you should be working with me to fight the good fight. By and large, if I want to lie awake at night wondering who his next victim will be, that should be my prerogative. I unmistakably don't need him forcing me to. Wanting to feature simplistic answers to complex problems is one thing, but why would anybody possibly want to impose a "glass ceiling" that limits our opportunities for promotions in most jobs? That's the question that perplexes me the most, because the last time I told his expositors that I want to make this world a better place in which to live, they declared in response, "But damnable flakes of one sort or another make the best scout leaders and schoolteachers." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant. Do you really think that the worst types of intrusive apostates I've ever seen should be fêted at wine-and-cheese fund-raisers, as Yotoc claims? Wake up! Yotoc is always prating about how an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd. (He used to say that he is entitled to perpetuate the nonsense known technically as the analytic/synthetic dichotomy, but the evidence is too contrary, so he's given up on that score.) Anyhow, I guess I've run out of things to say, so let me just leave you with one parting wish: Together, may we lead us all toward a better, brighter future.

yotoc:
I've read this before.  Just can't remember where.  It's funny.

nacho:

--- Quote from: yotoc ---I've read this before.  Just can't remember where.  It's funny.
--- End quote ---


See "Complaint about Nacho Sasha" on the old, old front page.

yotoc:

--- Quote from: nacho ---
--- Quote from: yotoc ---I've read this before.  Just can't remember where.  It's funny.
--- End quote ---


See "Complaint about Nacho Sasha" on the old, old front page.
--- End quote ---


Huh, I never read the front page.  That's weird.  Who wrote it?  Starr?

nacho:
Monkey.  It's a complaint generator thing.

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