What You're Reading

[Tyson]

Oh- I know nothing about Ireland. IRA and all that. Basically all I know is: Guinness and Methody Girls. I couldn't find Ireland on a map of Ireland.

[Matt]

My favorite pieces though in the Nonrequired 2003 and 2004 are the long nonfiction articles, pertaining to the Womyn's Festival and Mark Bowden's "Tales of the Tyrant". Those were amazing.

[Tyson]

Let me brag:

I'm interning at 826 Valencia next summer.

Actually, it might not be straight "interning" because I don't know what I'm doing yet. Mopping floors, kicking children, massaging Dave Egger's feet. Who knows? Regardless: Names. Connections. Oh do you think you can have a look at my little lit mag and oh yes I would love for you to submit something Mr. Famous Lit Author.

Stuff like that.

I also have to figure out how to live on something like $20 and a nickel per week. YMCA, hostels, sneaking in to Egger's house, stealing bagels, and working the street corners as a ladyboy.

It's going to fucking rule.

[Matt]

Let me brag:

I'm interning at 826 Valencia next summer.

Actually, it might not be straight "interning" because I don't know what I'm doing yet. Mopping floors, kicking children, massaging Dave Egger's feet. Who knows? Regardless: Names. Connections. Oh do you think you can have a look at my little lit mag and oh yes I would love for you to submit something Mr. Famous Lit Author.

Stuff like that.

I also have to figure out how to live on something like $20 and a nickel per week. YMCA, hostels, sneaking in to Egger's house, stealing bagels, and working the street corners as a ladyboy.

It's going to fucking rule.

Fuck you, you fucking fuck.

Fuck.

You fucker.

[nacho]

Don't worry.  They'll put him in a corner with a million manuscripts and he'll see no one outside of a handshake and the goodbye interns lunch.

[Tyson]

As long as I can sneak a peek at Egger's wife's boobs, I'll be ok.

[jreale]

Let me brag:

I'm interning at 826 Valencia next summer.

Actually, it might not be straight "interning" because I don't know what I'm doing yet. Mopping floors, kicking children, massaging Dave Egger's feet. Who knows? Regardless: Names. Connections. Oh do you think you can have a look at my little lit mag and oh yes I would love for you to submit something Mr. Famous Lit Author.

Stuff like that.

I also have to figure out how to live on something like $20 and a nickel per week. YMCA, hostels, sneaking in to Egger's house, stealing bagels, and working the street corners as a ladyboy.

It's going to fucking rule.

Dude, that fucking rules!

Cunt.

[Goblin_Queen]

Actually I can't stand hardbacks. I own... Not a single hardback. None. Wait... Bill Clinton's masterpiece. Yeah, that's it.

Softcover books are bliss. Hardcover books are like reading a stack of bricks.

I love hardbacks!  I'll admit, it's hell to carry them around, but it's totally worth it.  There's just something about them.  Maybe it's the weight and solidness that makes reading so much more engaging.  I also think hardcover books are beautiful.  I think it started with my infatuation of our encyclopedia collection when I was little.  One day I hope to own a few antique books.  Are there still books from before the printing press that I can own?  I'd give all my toes for one.  Can you say bibliophile?

[Matt]

Okay, Tyson, spill: how did you get the internship?

You fucking cunt.

[Tyson]

So, you all remember a few months ago when I flipped out because Dave Eggers came to CalPoly? I went to the reading, it was fucking amazing, and I waited in line for half an hour to give him some copies of EM and have him sign my books. I asked him about 826 Valencia and he gave me an e-mail address to someone in 826.

And I e-mailed the following letter:

(Mind you, this was when I was going to change to English and when I wasn't fucking blocked all the time. I'm writing that novel this November, I hope.)

I saw Dave Eggers at the reading he gave here at CalPoly last Thursday and I asked him about internships (826 Valencia and otherwise). He gave me your e-mail address (right in my copy of "You Shall Know Our Velocity"!) and told me that you'd be the one to talk to about internships at 826 Valencia.

About Me: I am a dashingly young and whimsically handsome sophomore college kid trying to change my major from Computer Science to English. I'm doing this because I love words. I love all of them. I'm currently attending CalPoly down in the belly button of California in San Luis Obispo. I race in triathlons and publish my own literature 'zine that has a readership of a handful but hopes of millions. I secretly dream of being a famous novelist, but I don't tell anyone that.

About You: Perhaps you need someone to tutor and mentor young geniuses in the art of 'zine creation, desktop publishing, or fast mouse clicking. Perhaps you need someone to stand around and look important. Or perhaps you need someone to mop the floors and change the light-bulbs. I wouldn't presume to know what you need, but I have a feeling I fit in there somewhere.

What's In It For Me: I would get to surround myself with masses of people as passionate about writing as I am. I would get to help people instead of writing software for the military, which is what I do right now. I would, if nothing else, get that warm feeling from helping people and seeing them smile.

What's In It For You: You would be securing the services of one of the most versatile young men in the country, me. You'd enjoy many laughs at my expense.

I know you're probably full for this summer. Next summer (the summer of 2006) I will be available if you should need me. Let me know if you think I would be a valuable addition to 826 Valencia. I certainly think I would be.

-Tyson Tate

P.S. I have a regular resume available, if you want it.

And after some e-mail correspondence back and forth, the deal is mostly good to go. I need to go visit the place before next summer. Then I show up on their doorstep homeless next summer and chase little children around with a broom.

They still need more interns, Matt. If you're willing to commit to living in S.F. next summer and working for no pay, I could probably get your name in. I'm doing it on a shoestring, and I think I can pull it off.

E-mail me: entropymag@gmail.com

[RottingCorpse]

I love hardbacks!

I bet you do, Queenie. I bet you do.

***Note: RC is in total disbelief that he innuendoed the Queen! What would Senator Goldwater say?***

EDIT: Oh, and congrats Tyson. That's friggin' awesome. Tell Nacho to fuck off for trying to rain on your parade and then ask him why the past few GS articles have been about nothing but sex.

[nacho]

and then ask him why the past few GS articles have been about nothing but sex.

You mean the past few since 2001?

Also, you'll fail Tyson.  I bet you'll get there and it'll be a fake address and an empty warehouse and your head will fall off because you crack your neck and you'll crash your car and spill your coffee.

[Tyson]

and then ask him why the past few GS articles have been about nothing but sex.

You mean the past few since 2001?

Also, you'll fail Tyson.  I bet you'll get there and it'll be a fake address and an empty warehouse and your head will fall off because you crack your neck and you'll crash your car and spill your coffee.

Then I'd have a fantastic fucking novel idea!

[nacho]

Then I'd have a fantastic fucking novel idea!

That's got Nick Cage all over it, too, doesn't it?

[RottingCorpse]

and then ask him why the past few GS articles have been about nothing but sex.

You mean the past few since 2001?

Yeah, but it's like thick with deviant sex and masturbnation, not that there's anything wrong with that, but  . . . somebody should write something.