Indiana Jones

[RottingCorpse]

After a lengthy conversation about how certain movies from our childhood do and don't hold up, Nacho and started Temple of Doom last night at about 10:30pm. I was certain I would be asleep after fifteen minutes, but I made it through the whole thing. This movie gets a lot of derision for being the worst of the original Indiana Jones movies. (Nobody really counts Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, do they?) I find other than some of the matte effects looking like Land of the Lost outtakes on the Throne Maidens soon-to-be-sentient HD TV, it holds up remarkably well. People hate the movie's ingenue Willie Scott, but I find her vapidity and selfishness endearing. And I understand exactly why Steven Spielberg married Kate Capshaw.

It's dark, and in the words of Lucas himself "experimental." Because the majority of the movie takes place in the Temple of Doom, there this insular intimate quality to it that makes all the darkness that much darker. No nazis, no backstabbing, no greater cause... Just get the rock, and save the village. Simple yet effective.

[nacho]

Yeah. Great movie. Even with the special effects looking so bad in HD. Jesus... The Throne Maiden's TV is actually The Machine from Person of Interest. "Turn left, Nacho, and go up the flight of stairs. Wait 3 seconds. Then fire 2 shots to your right."

[nacho]

We started talking about Indy and now there's news:

Please grab your nearest salt shaker, and liberally sprinkle it both on and around yourself. Why? Because supposedly the character of Indiana Jones may be recast, and supposedly Bradley Cooper is up for the role.

So the rumor here is this: Harrison Ford is still Indiana Jones for the time being, but if somehow George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford don't agree on a story by some point in the near-ish future, then the role may be recast, and Bradley Cooper may be one of the actors Disney asks about the role, and then Bradley Cooper may be interested in taking it.

So let's not start fitting Cooper for fedoras just yet, shall we? I have a strong suspicion that a firm deadline will inspire the original Indiana Jones triumvirate to agree on a script, even if it keeps getting rewritten while they're shooting Indiana Jones V: The Search for Mutt's Gold.

[RottingCorpse]

Tee-hee.

Robert Pattinson Rumors Say He's The Frontrunner To Play Indiana Jones

http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Robert-Pattinson-Rumors-Say-He-Frontrunner-Play-Indiana-Jones-43283.html

[nacho]

Yes, please.

http://deadline.com/2015/01/chris-pratt-indiana-jones-guardians-of-the-galaxy-disney-1201360637/

[monkey!]

Ugh... another reboot.

[nacho]

I've sort of made peace that they'll keep trying to reboot Indy. Hell, they were trying to do it before The Last Crusade. The Last Crusade itself is essentially a backdoor reboot. 

[monkey!]

I hate the world.

Next: Miley Cyrus as Marty McFly in Back Once Again to the Future Past of Tomorrowday.

[nacho]

I hate the world.

Next: Miley Cyrus as Marty McFly in Back Once Again to the Future Past of Tomorrowday.

We're getting the Back to the Future update we didn't know we wanted in Hot Tub Time Machine 2!

[nacho]

Indiana Jones will return to the big screen on July 19, 2019, for a fifth epic adventure in the blockbuster series. Steven Spielberg, who directed all four previous films, will helm the as-yet-untitled project with star Harrison Ford reprising his iconic role. Franchise veterans Kathleen Kennedy and Frank Marshall will produce.

Okay! So this time they're after...the Ark of the Covenant. Except it's bigger! It's as big as an entire planet! And a former Nazi stormtrooper and a mysterious yet plucky young woman sign on to help Indy! And...and...Marion is missing and no one knows where she is! But she has the key to the special secret that unlocks the Ark! So...so they must also find her while saving the Ark from the hands of...of...um...The New Reich!

[RottingCorpse]

I bet you're not too far off.

[RottingCorpse]

I just saw Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. It's a weird movie to unpack. It's not bad. It feels like The Force Awakens, but without all the amp up hype that had.

I really noticed Spielberg not being involved. James Mangold is a fine director, but he's doesn't have Spielberg's sense of pacing. The film isn't badly paced. It just feels so different from the others, even though it's trying to hit all the beats. In music terms, it feels less like a cover (which Mangold described it as) and more like a remaster of an album you know so intimately that the new mix sounds alien to your ears.

Until the very end, it's pretty careful about doling out the nostalgia porn. Little drops and dribbles, then they dump the bucket in the last scene.

"Young Indy" is weird. Still Uncanny Valley on that shit, but if you force yourself to not think about it, it works.

Third act is batshit insane. I won't give it away, but I'll bet my mortgage the better ending was pitched in the writer's room, and rejected by Disney execs. You'll know what I mean when you see it.

It's fine. Obviously a movie made by committee in a boardroom, yet manages to still be unoffensive. RC says check it out on Disney+ in three weeks.

[nacho]

I am disturbed to report that... I liked Dial of Destiny.

RC, who has become cynical in his old age, said that was just because Crystal Skull was so awful I would have been happy if a Labrador pissed in my mouth. But, no, Dial actually did something. It was a cohesive, interesting, fun story. Geriatric Jones was more just there as a foil for Phoebe Bridge who knocked it out of the park (and was also clearly auditioning to be the next Doctor Who and/or James Bond).

Mads Mikkelsen brought his usual low-key power to his role. In fact, I'd say that he made the movie. Without Mads it would have been shit.

They lost their balls at the end though. They had this perfect moment where Indy should have died. In fact, there is no other way Indy could ever die except in that perfect moment. He should have put the fedora on Phoebe's head and bowed out gracefully in this one perfect Indy's going to die moment.

But...nope. Fucking cowards in the writers room. Indy remains alive and well, and they even dug up Karen Allen for him.

Young Indy was great. The only uncanny valley aspect of it was 80 year old Ford voicing 35 year old Indy. So it looks great, then he talks and it's the reedy, crackly old man voice.

Much better done, and much more subtle, was CGI young Mads. The junior Nazi scientist in 1939. You didn't even realize you were dealing with the uncanny valley with him because Mads is eternal!

Totally agree with the (strangely, surprisingly, refreshingly) steady hand on the nostalgia porn. The only nods I noticed was one dialogue reference to Temple, and a visual ref to the same, Last Crusade, and Raiders. But all done as general background. The most obvious was Temple (the hallway of bugs, coming right after a discussion about drinking the blood of Kali). The tomb was Crusade, but it didn't matter. There was a nod to Raiders, but in a natural, normal, thought-out way. Really strange that they were able to hold their hand there. Because, Jesus. Disney CANNOT stop themselves from pouring on the nostalgia porn. So whoever won that battle deserves a medal because it saved the movie.

Now....what they need to do is what they wanted to do with River Phoenix back in the day: Phoebe takes over and becomes the new Jones. Adventures continue with her throughout the 70s and 80s. Perfect! Listen to me, fuckers! No....they won't.

[RottingCorpse]

You and Phoebe Bridgers get off my lawn!!!

I agree they had the perfect chance to sign off Ford as Indy and pass the torch, and they botched it. I also agree after sme time away that's it's shocking far better than it deserves to be. I've even forgiven the non-Speilbergian nature of it all.