The Hobbit

[monkey!]

This is what happens when you stretch a 300 page children's novel over 9 hours of film packed with shitty musical elements and painfully slow progression.

[monkey!]

I went to see "The Hobbit 3: Return to Dragon Dome, this time it's personal" last night with the parents... pushy, maudlin crap with little cohesion. Still, better than the second one.

[nacho]

Oral surgery is better than the second one.

[monkey!]

Do you have a word replacement for surgery/rape?

[nacho]

From the very beginning Battle of the Five Armies is awful. Bard the Bowman isn't bothered by the thousand pound bell ringing an inch from his head? He should be on the floor immobilized. Or is he deaf?

[nacho]

Man, where were these superpowered Ringwraiths in the LotR movies? The creepy monsters have been replaced by poorly rendered videogame avatars.

And since when did Sauron parade around like that? I'm starting to wonder if Peter Jackson ever read the Hobbit.

[monkey!]

I get the feeling he asked an intern to read through Silmarillion and tie it in with the Hobbit in less than five minutes.

[nacho]

I get the feeling he asked an intern to read through Silmarillion and tie it in with the Hobbit in less than five minutes.

Yes! Like it was some sort of sick game.

I made it through an hour then had to give up. I'll knock out the rest tonight, I suppose, just to say I did... But holy shit. This whole trilogy has been an experiment in terror.

[monkey!]

I get the feeling he asked an intern to read through Silmarillion and tie it in with the Hobbit in less than five minutes.

Yes! Like it was some sort of sick game.

I made it through an hour then had to give up. I'll knock out the rest tonight, I suppose, just to say I did... But holy shit. This whole trilogy has been an experiment in terror.

Yes... I suffered through all at once in the cinema. Memories still disgust me.

[nacho]

Finished it. Utterly horrible. What a shameful way to treat the story... Disgusting.

[monkey!]

Finished it. Utterly horrible. What a shameful way to treat the story... Disgusting.

We should treat Peter Jackson how the other soldiers treated Mr. Fat-Fuck in Full Metal Jacket. Then wait for him to commit suicide.

[nacho]

How sad that it's come to that... He was my b-movie gorefest hero growing up.

[monkey!]

And now he's a corporate whore.

[nacho]

Of course, let's be fair. If someone offered you a billion dollars...

[monkey!]

Of course, let's be fair. If someone offered you a billion dollars...

I would cast Will Smith as Gandalf the White in the next Star Wars.