Dan Brown Must Die

[nacho]

I'm waiting for the ancient Rome thing where they announce that so and so is an enemy of the Republic and it's every citizen's duty to kill so and so on sight.  Wouldn't that be fun?

When I'm president, I'm going right for that.  Dan Brown is an enemy of the Republic and every citizen's duty is to kill him. 

*cut to Dan Brown feverishly emailing his agent for help while the water meter man crashes through his living room window with a machine gun and a belt of grenades*

Meterman:  BRRROOOOOWNNN!!!

Brown runs outside, only to be confronted by a schoolbus full of armed children and his overweight next door neighbors rushing towards him with hatchets.


Edit:  All I've done is split topics today!
http://www.greatsociety.org/forum/refuge/index.php?topic=1082.0

[RottingCorpse]

I've noticed everyone in the publsihing industry hates Dan Brown. Is that because the book sold eight ja-zillion copies or because it's mediocre at best?

[nacho]

I've noticed everyone in the publsihing industry hates Dan Brown. Is that because the book sold eight ja-zillion copies or because it's mediocre at best?

It's because he's a poor writer and has a bad attitude.  The eight ja-zillion copies inspires hatred for the readers and the public in general, not for Brown.

[RottingCorpse]

Bad attitude? I haven't heard anything about that.

I got The Davinci Code last year for X-Mas and made it about 100 pages in before putting it down. When he's talking about Mary Magdalene and weird clues in the art, the book is fascinating. The "thriller" element is boring and poorly structured. He should have wrote a non-fiction account of it all.

[nacho]

It's Hardy Boys!  Didn't we talk about this somewhere?  Or was that with myself in the mirror?  Short chapters, every one of them with a cliffhanger ending.  It's actually quite brilliant.  He wrote a standard thriller using the Hardy Boys publisher guidelines.  As far as fad books go, he outstripped the mold.  See, spiritual sold before.  Ishmael, Life of Pi.  Ooh, I hate this book, it's so hard to read, but my broken, rape survivor friend said it helped her find her soooouuullll.

Fuck souls.  Go right for chapter 1006, then, suddenly, the casket DROPPED!  On his HEAD!  KABAM!!!!

Chapter 1007.  But, he was okay.

I was really scared in chapyer 1006 when he got hit on the head ed ed ed.  Oh yeah ah ah, that scared me too.  Tiddlywinks fluffy fru!

[RottingCorpse]

So, you made it through the whole thing?

I thought it was a snoozer. Everybody and their uncle was coming up to me going, "OMGyouhave toreadthisitisthebestbookEVER!!!!!!" I read this newsweek article on it where they pumped it up. It simply didn't live up to teh hype. What was worse is that it didn't even come close.

Again, I think the God/Art/Church conpsiracy theory deal is sort of brilliant, but if you can come up with that, can't you at least wrap it all in a semi-decent story?

[nacho]

No, I didn't.  It's unreadable.  It's on a third grade level, man.  Also part of the brilliance.

The fact that not even Dan Brown freaks can read any of his other books helps solidify that DVC sells only thanks to hype.  You ask everybody and their uncle -- hey, read Demons and Angels?  Whaddya dink, huh?  And they'll say, oh, god, ate my flesh!  Ate, my, flesh!

[stompakitty]

When he's talking about Mary Magdalene and weird clues in the art, the book is fascinating. The "thriller" element is boring and poorly structured. He should have wrote a non-fiction account of it all.

Ex-Fuckin-Zactly!

[RottingCorpse]

So, The film version of The DaVinci Code is tanking with critics. The consensus is that it's just flat out boring, which in my mind is about the worst criticism a movie can get.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/da_vinci_code/

I bet you it still makes oodles of money though.

[Reginald McGraw]

When he's talking about Mary Magdalene and weird clues in the art, the book is fascinating. The "thriller" element is boring and poorly structured. He should have wrote a non-fiction account of it all.

Well, a non-fiction account would have to be significantly different wrt Mary Magdalene and weird art clues.  He would have to use real sources not drug-induced impressions of drunk fringe historical experts.  So it would not be nearly as interesting.

Of course I liked all of Dan Brown's books...

First George Bush, now this!!

[RottingCorpse]

Don't feel too bad, Reggie. I had fully intended to get out and see it, though now I may wait for DVD.

[nacho]

Da Vinci Code is so last year!  This year's fad book is going to be "Fat Mindless Fuck Ignorant of Those Around Him Has Three Conversations With Jesus, Allah and a Rabid Dog While on a Liferaft in a Swimming Pool and is Told To Feel Better About Himself -- An Adventure Story."  Everyone on the Metro will soon be reading it and, next month, 13 people will recomend that I read it because it's an important spiritual odyssey, however their recommendations will always be qualified by "the first 200 pages are really hard to get through" even though the book is 201 pages long.

I think 2008's "REDEEM!!" will be a better fad book, even though it'll be 600 pages long.  It'll have 762 chapters, some of them just a sentence long.  Real on the edge of your seat action -- well, just scooch back a bit, then -- where each of the chapters ends with a long line of exclamation points.  REDEEM!! is set during the Crucification of Christ.  An intrepid Roman Detective (Julius Scipio Graneus, 17th Precinct, a decorated cop who has fallen from grace after the accidental stabbing of an eight year old boy with a papyrus sword one dark night) is charged with finding one of the apostles.  His exciting and dangerous journey brings him along a path of awakening where, ultimately, the very nature of the church comes into question.  He ends up in the area that will become Detroit, struggling with his own identity in a clever parallel to today's modern wealthy white American.

[RottingCorpse]

Never underestimate the siren song of crap.

[Matt]

yay Detroit.




But seriously, I doubt it'll make a ton of money in box office. Maybe in DVD sales, but not box office.

[nacho]

I'm going to work on REDEEM!! and post my progress, unedited and with no second thoughts, on the front page for the next seven months.