Author Topic: Masters of Horror  (Read 9524 times)

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Offline nacho

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Re: Masters of Horror
« Reply #30 on: November 14, 2006, 12:16:41 AM »
Episode 3:  The V Word
Writer: Mick Garris (http://imdb.com/name/nm0308376/)
Director: Ernest Dickerson (Demon Knight)

Quote
When two teenage boys break into a mortuary in hope of seeing a dead body, the macabre punishment visited upon them will far outweigh their crime. Instead of fulfilling their morbid curiosity, the boys are attacked by a rampaging vampire (MICHAEL IRONSIDE) and must ultimately decide whether to sacrifice themselves or survive as blood-thirsty killers.

Nacho's mint ice cream and rum rating:  Half a star.  And that's just for Michael Ironside, because I like him.

Um, guys, it's called "masters" of horror. Romero, Raimi, Miiki...Not the guy who did fucking Demon Knight and the writer who brought us Critters 4.  God.

(I'm the only one who gets the Collinswood reference, right?  Actually, I'm the only one watching these...)

The whole episode is weird and clumsy.


Offline nacho

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Re: Masters of Horror
« Reply #31 on: November 19, 2006, 09:50:17 PM »
Episode 4:  Sounds Like

Quote
Quality control supervisor Larry Pearce (CHRIS BAUER) spends his days monitoring the nuances of his tech support staff's telephone conversations... listening is his life. However, when grief over his son's death leads to a supernaturally heightened sense of sound, Larry is forced to take violent action to silence the horrific cacophony in his head. Its "The Tell-Tale Heart" meets "The Conversation" in this tale of psychological terror based on Mike O'Driscoll's short story. LAURA MARGOLIS also stars.

Written and directed by my boy Brad Anderson -- the Session 9 man.  I believe Session 9 to be one of the best horror films to come out in the last seven years so, hey, can Brad go wrong?

No... He doesn't.  It's a fun episode.  Nacho's nothing but water tonight rating:  Three stars. 


Offline RottingCorpse

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Re: Masters of Horror
« Reply #32 on: November 19, 2006, 10:20:37 PM »
I still haven't seen Session 9. Remind me daily until I say I've watched it.

Offline nacho

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Offline RottingCorpse

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Re: Masters of Horror
« Reply #34 on: November 19, 2006, 10:33:17 PM »
I'm no longer a NetFlix guy.

Offline nacho

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Re: Masters of Horror
« Reply #35 on: December 03, 2006, 01:49:03 AM »
Episode 5:  Pro-Life

Ron Perlman stars in this John Carpenter ditty, written by Drew McWeeny, AKA Moriarty from AICN.  Woo.  There's a real master of horror, am I rite?  Fuck... It boggles my mind.  Paint me boggled.

Anyway...

Quote
A near-accident on an isolated mountain road lands young Angelique (CAITLIN WACHS) in a nearby women's health clinic. As her fervently anti-abortion father Dwayne (RON PERLMAN) and his well-armed three sons attempt to "liberate" Angelique, she discovers that the only thing more dangerous than her would-be saviors is the demonic seed growing within her.

When I make a movie, the people who run at top speed through the woods AND are constantly looking over their shoulders are going to smack into trees.

Let's talk about the writing:  What you have read in this post is more complicated, intellectual and powerful than this teleplay.  No, wait, let's try that again:  zis cintaynce iz moor powrfull than the tellepla.

Nacho's Saturday Night With Apple Cider Rating:  A big boner.  Avoid.

Offline nacho

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Re: Masters of Horror
« Reply #36 on: December 03, 2006, 08:48:55 PM »
Episode 6: Pelts

An erotic love story about raccoon pelts! 

Meat Loaf!  John Saxon!

Short story by F. Paul fucking Wilson, man.  One of my favorite authors.

Directing:  Dario Argento.

Okay.  I step into this with faith and hope.  And it's got Wilson all over it.  The obsession with the weird and unexplained, supernatural horror, don't piss off the ancient indian city gods.  And this episode gets an automatic star right out of the gate for insane Meat Loaf trying to rape the naked black lap dancer (who is naked throughout the episode).  There's another automatic star for drunken John Saxon scraping away the gore from his raccoon pelts and yee-hawing in an excellent rendition of a yokel.  With two other automatic stars for Wilson and Argento, you really don't have to bother paying attention to the episode.

But... let's do so anyway.  It's great!  God, I can't believe it's a part of the MoH series.   It really is what masters of horror can do... Everything else in this series has felt forced, or thrown away, but this one has all of Argento's love poured into it.  Dreamy music, quiet nature scenes, gore splattered walls, and the general ease that most of his films exhibit.  Wilson's power as a horror/fantasy writer comes in the way he so smoothly wraps the supernatural around everyday existence.  The general foibles of men are victim of (or simply channel) the otherworldly powers constantly straining to escape their forgotten graves.  Having followed Wilson's career for 15 years, I now realize that he's scared of the woods and old women.

Why the hell was Miiki dropped last season when Argento seems to have been given a no-holds-barred license to just go crazy?  This is Argento at his absolute goriest.  It's actually uncomfortable and stomach churning at times.  We get an up close sewing shut of a woman's nose, eyes and mouth without the camera turning away.  Stitch by stitch.  Another guy cuts himself open groin to neck and pulls out his intestines.  And then there's the finale...god. This is old school gore.  The real stuff.  The stuff that the word gore brings to mind, not this pansy machete through the neck shit.

Nacho's Sunday night tea and biscuits rating:  It keeps those four stars. We get hot lesbians, lots of tits, gore that doesn't belong on your TV, and angry raccoons.

Offline nacho

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Re: Masters of Horror
« Reply #37 on: December 16, 2006, 12:14:25 AM »
Episode seven
The Screwfly Solution
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Screwfly_Solution

Sam Hamm writing and Joe Dante directing.

Quote
Based on the short story by Raccoona Sheldon, a deadly virus infects the nation, transforming men into psychotic killers who attack every woman that crosses their paths. A suburban housewife and her teenage daughter embark on a treacherous journey to survive, but how can they protect themselves from an entire gender gone mad? JASON PRIESTLY and ELLIOT GOULD star.

An excellent episode, except for the daughter who, it seems, never watches the news and lives in a cave.  She's all "Mommy, that was daddy, and he said everything was okay!" throughout this mass-kill, end of the species pandemic.  They're hunted and hiding for months, and she's still trusting men?

In fact, the daughter is so fucking annoying, the episode loses a star just because of her.  Come on, people.  The world's been ending for months and they're living in a cabin in the woods and she doesn't know what's going on?  She's 17!

Nacho's far too many beers rating:  Three stars.  Would have been all four.  Great acting, fun story, apocalypse, murder, lots of tits and ass, purses made out of womanflesh, blood and gore, intense violence and maiming, chicks made of light, death rays... Got everything going for it.  But who the fuck wrote in that daughter?  Is she Sam Hamm's cousin or something?


Offline Matt

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Re: Masters of Horror
« Reply #38 on: December 21, 2006, 02:08:01 PM »
I'm surprised that you watched anything written by anyone from AICN. They're the professional critics from High Fidelity. And even Rob couldn't make music, just produce it. The reason they idolize Kevin Smith so much is because he's been successful being a professional critic and dramatizing it.

Are these on any torrent sites?

Offline nacho

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Re: Masters of Horror
« Reply #39 on: December 21, 2006, 03:37:42 PM »
Yeah, they're all over.