The New Testicle I: Matdude, conclusion (special bonus: The Original Kram “Cop out” intro)
The Death Of Bob Jr
No one is sure what happened after that point, for we all went into hiding. The word that reached us was that Bob Jr was taken to Unconscious Pilot who sent him to the Hebrew King who sent him back to Pilot who sent him to the Hebo people who sent him to Pilot again who sent him to the cross. According to Nohj, Bob Jr was upon the cross and died. But Nohj was so high, he swears that Bobette was looking really good at the moment.
A body was taken and buried, and turned up missing a few days later. But there are reports that Bob Jr was seen, alive, in other places. A lady saw him in a supermarket. Someone else saw him at a diner outside of Buckhannon. Still others claim to have seen him in an airport. He was reported to be dancing at a disco club the other night until a group of curious onlookers tried to speak to him, and he ran for the door. A lady in Parsons claims that he helped her get her car out of a ditch. She said that he was driving a purple van with “Cherish the mighty, babe” written on the sides and “Touch me — NOW” on the back.
We shall never know, except that he will always be with us, until the end of the world.
The Bobsel According To Kram
(Original “placeholder” text from 1993.)
Look folks, this whole Bob Jr thing has been beat into the ground. I mean, I’m writing this after all the other gospels have been written (that’s about seven or eight, but Matdude and Nohj are quickly hiding them to make sure they get top billing) and I’m, quite frankly, a little tired. I mean, what the hell reason could I possibly have to tell you the exact same story of whichever surviving gospel makes it to the public? Okay, look… Bob Jr was born in poverty. He rose up, went into the desert and faced False Rob, and then began teaching. He taught for a few years, and performed many miracles. Then he got screwed and the Hebos killed him. He came to his apostles later, and blessed them all, and then rose up into Bob Heavens (where there is great sausage).
That’s it. Get me a beer.