I’ve completely failed at my Two Novels and a Baby project. It had me depressed for a few weeks… But then that feeling passed largely thanks to the main reason I haven’t been able to focus on writing a novel – I work six motherfucking jobs. I have just enough energy to pause outside the […]
I’m a stick shift kid. I’m all about manual. I only drive an automatic now because I received an offer that I couldn’t refuse. I had this little Acura Integra that I bought in 99 and, by 2005, I had put a couple hundred thousand miles on it and it caught on fire because I […]
Why do people always say they’re having “car trouble” when something goes wrong with their automobile? It’s not like when you’re sick you say you’re having “stomach trouble.” You have a fucking disease or infection and things are dire. I don’t have car trouble. I have the fucking Car Flu.
So while all you fuckers are enjoying a three-day weekend, stuffing your faces full of pork byproduct and whacking off to Saving Private Ryan, I’ve got to work in retail, so there will be no architecturally sound emotional outpouring on my part today. Go enjoy your slip and slides, your watermelon relay races, your cousins […]
Revisiting old stories for the Sunday Archives, unearthing the New Testicle after more than a decade, and chopping up my lousy novel for serialization has been a wild experience.
Okay, so I got in a fender bender today and it’s pretty much preoccupied me all day. It was one of those deals where you’re nosing through a stopped line of traffic trying to cross a busy street and you think someone is waving you on but in reality they’re trying to warn you of […]
I’ve managed to avoid three Obama “victory parties” so far. The only thing that scares me more than the Nazis who follow McCain are the wild-eyed armchair liberals who rally around Obama’s “message” of hope and change. Which is how Hitler ran his first campaign, by the way.
On one hand, I’m thrilled that more people are using public transportation. Not because I’m a supporter of the environment. I’m very much the opposite, in fact. I support a ruined Earth and a dying civilization, simply because I think it’ll be mildly entertaining and break up the tedium of my life. I’m thrilled because […]
Well, back to drinking. I have a couple of good excuses! The first is that I’m on an insane deadline for the next book I’m going to publish. The new title submission process my distributor puts me through involves about 20 really difficult essay questions. Then there’s a million other tiny things that need to […]
The logic behind taking a Friday off is to get chores done. There’s really no such thing as a mental health day these days, because I’ve found myself doing much more in my personal life than I do at work. So I took today off, woke up at 5am, and by 10am I had put […]