Category: Wage Slave

Gentle Reminder

When did it become popular for everyone to send an email saying “gentle reminder” or “friendly reminder”? When did the American workplace become infected with this institutionalized passive-aggression? Because that’s the only way to read it, right? “Gentle Reminder” to a normal person means “What the fuck, Charlie? The whole team has fucking finished their […]

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The Cake Collector

My weekend job… Jesus. For 21 years I worked as the house manager/event coordinator at an old mansion in the suburbs of DC. Weddings, memorials, bar mitzvahs, birthdays, everything. Every event was so similar in theme and approach, I just called it the “wedding job.” Even if it was a fucking christening, it felt like […]

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Wage Slave

Almost two years ago, I switched jobs at my idiotic company. I moved from the customer service arena to something (seemingly) far more rewarding that did not involve fucking customer service. It’s taken me this long to fully come to terms with this switch, and reach an emotional mindset that allowed me to fully parse […]

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I Do

I’ve been invited to my girlfriend’s cousin’s roommate’s something or other wedding in Arizona in June. I know that probably doesn’t sound noteworthy but, for me, it’s a big deal. This stranger’s wedding will be the first time I’ll go to a wedding as, simply, a guest — a drunken sheep with no responsibilities. That’ll […]

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Preventing Harassment(tm)

At my day job, I have to suffer through the annual “Preventing Harassment” seminar — an online course that takes 120 minutes to complete, though all of the quizzes tell you what the right answers are so it’s kind of a click-fest. I don’t quite understand the purpose when they give you the answers… In […]

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Boss Culture II

Back in May, I shared some nonsense about one of my old bosses. Time to do it again! We’ll call him Brian, and for this we’re going to the way way back, the before-times. 1994, and a tiny boutique bookshop in a ritzy suburb of DC.

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Boss Culture

Not a Youtube video! Shocking. I’ve long promised that I would start to “expose” all the insane workplace things I’ve encountered over the years. I’ve worked shit jobs since 1991, mainly customer service, and been constantly frustrated by all of the little quirks that appear to keep the world spinning.

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Let them eat static

I often go on about how bored I am. And I am. It’s overwhelming, sometimes. Every single aspect of my life is predictable. Like a show you’ve watched a million times. My entire life is Star Trek II on mute while I sprawl on the couch with a midday gin and tonic and mumble the […]

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What are your weaknesses?

We have a high turnover at my day job because we work for fascists. It’s not really obvious, on the surface, that we work for fascists. It’s this sort of creeping, passive-aggressive thing. After a few years you find yourself in a watchtower at a concentration camp and your supervisor asks you to rape and […]

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Illegal Laundry

This is the lonely time. Crouched in the dark, spooky basement of the old mansion where I work on the weekends. My seasonal weekend job is grinding to a halt, so the mansion is quiet and dark this Friday night. The sounds of music and dancing and caterers shifting equipment doesn’t pound through the floor. […]

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