10,000 Words: 5416-6431

Holy shit, whose fucking idea was it to write 10,000 words in one day? This is fucking stupid. I started at 8am and it’s 2pm now and I’m only halfway through. My god.

We have a maid service that comes once a week to clean up all of the hooker corpses I leave lying around and the service is here right now so, really, I have nothing else to do but sit in my office and pretend to work for my horrible day job. I hope to god this is posting after I’ve left that job because, my god, I don’t know if I can take it. Since I resigned on January 2nd, I’ve kept a calendar on my desk where I’ve x’d out every working day on my crazy countdown to March 30th. As of today (still February 7th!), once you remove planned vacation, weekdays, and holidays, there are only 30 working days left. 30 days left of a job I’ve suffered for 18 years! It’s exciting… But every one of those days is going to be some sort of murderous, screaming torture.

I made today a “work at home” day because I can’t bear to go into the office. This is something I talked about earlier in this 10,000 word rant-piece, but I can’t say it enough.

So my plan for the afternoon is to write 4600 more words about whatever bugfuck shit comes into my head, proof it all (I won’t really be too careful), and then drink vodka once I rape and kill the maids. I mean…when they, um, leave. Sorry. I need to stop saying stuff like that in the era of #metoo.

By the way – how has no one come forward about Nacho Sasha? My god. I once set out to sleep with every female forum-member and fell one short of a full set! I’m horrible! Or, I was horrible. I guess those were different times. Besides., it’s not like I had trap door locks and I forced them to have sex with me. They were all as crazy as I was. As was apparent by them actually signing up for the forums in the first place, probably.

What makes writing 10,000 words for Great Society sort of easy is that there’s not much creativity going on here. I’ve just done a marathon stretch of ranting! Which makes me think of one of the reasons an ex-girlfriend told me she left me. Besides not giving her babies, she was mad that Great Society was “unproductive.” She said, “Just look at how many articles are in the Rants category! Where’s the social commentary? Where’s Nacho’s lousy novel?”

Jesus. Yet another person who took Great Society too seriously, I guess. Of course, here I am wasting a perfectly good day, and 10,000 words, on it. Maybe I’m the one who takes Great Society too seriously? I look back at all the articles saying “Stop taking me so seriously” and, yet, here I am. Maintaining this blog after almost 20 years. When the site crashes – as it does every once in a while because we have gigs and gigs of content on here – it actually impacts my mood. The longer GS is down the more depressed I get.

Yet, then, I also go for months without updating the front page. Our forums are down to a tiny handful of active members. What, exactly, is Great Society in 2018? Is it merely an archive of every thought and opinion I’ve had for 18 years? What does one do with that? And there is a bit of that sort of library/museum quality to all this. Here lies Nacho Sasha, and all the crazy things he said.

But then we add to it! So it’s a living museum. And the mood, theme, and approach always seems to be shifting. I can go back and read things I posted that I wrote before there was an internet, and then things I posted yesterday, and I can see how much I’ve changed on multiple levels. Or, er, not.

As more and more Great Society members and followers have aged out, given up, or been driving away, this blog (and attendant forums) have gone back to feeling like a private little corner of the internet. Like it’s really just me here and no one’s reading. And, mind you, that’s where I feel most comfortable. The more I know people are reading the more self-conscious I become. Either I feel the need to perform, or I fear the need to perform and freeze up.

I was most surprised that no one put two and two together after I published my memoir. I outed Nacho Sasha right there, and no one did a Google search? They asked! Interviewers have said: “So, whatever happened to The Holy Boble?” Well, dude, I’ve posted the whole thing right here. Eat it up. Yum.

I don’t say that, though. I laugh and deflect. Let them find it. When the book came out, I debated erasing Nacho Sasha as best I could. Take down the site, delete the forums, and remove myself from social media. I’m glad I didn’t because what this site is really about it providing an outlet for all the little demons that squeal around in my brain wearing roller-skates and blowing horns. This is my escape. Writing (ranting) has always been my escape. If this blog weren’t here, I’d be scribbling insane bullshit into little notepads all day. I have a closet full of notepads from the years before I started this blog! I keep meaning to throw them all away but, instead, I sit down and start paging through them and thinking, man, like, 3% of this shit is fucking brilliant! If I throw it away, I might miss something!

There’s actually a name for this, by the way. It’s called hypergraphia. Anne Flaherty wrote a great book about it that’s worth a read if you’re bored. So, in the end, I can be forgiven for having more articles posted in the “rants” category than anywhere else. You two-timing whore.


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