10,000 Words: 1009-1669

The idea for my 10,000 words in a day project came to me in a dream. I woke up and scribbled down titles for articles, then drank a glass of water, and then was very angry because the house was cold and I really had to take a piss. I look forward to old age where I can just piss in bed.

The two titles I can read are: “Sorry I slept with your Hot Daughter,” and “This Girl I Fucked A Few Years Ago Died and Now I Can’t Stop Jacking Off To Her.”

The latter is actually interesting. About 12 or so years ago, there was this milfy co-worker who was just out of control. She was, like, six feet tall and crazy fit, dumb as a rock, and totally bonkers.

Five months ago, she died suddenly at the age of 58. It’s always sobering when someone under 75 or so dies. Dying in your 40s or 50s feels like losing. I mean, come on, dude. Tighten up. At least get to social security age. At least fucking try, right? Jesus.

So, when I was fucking this dead chick, she was living in a studio apartment in the burbs after a bad breakup or some shit. I didn’t actually pay attention to what her problem was. She liked to decant wine into a crystal container, but the wine was always sweet dessert wine that she bought for about $5 a jug. So we’d sit around in her squalid ground floor room and drink diabetic coma wine and she’d talk about how noble and wonderful our horrific day job was and how we were playing an important role in helping…people…or..something. God. Yuck.

At some point, deep into the wine, she would be “visited” by “Tanya.” Tanya was her “split personality” and Tanya hated clothes.

So this chick would go into a trance, usually dropping her wine and shuddering and shaking, and then she would relax and smile, turning to look at me with crazy eyes.

“Hi!” She would say in a high voice. “Who are you?”

“Well, I’m nacho.” I’d reply.

“I’m Tanya!” She’d say in that crazy voice. “Ooooh! It’s so hot in here!” Then she’d take off her clothes and attack me.

This chick claimed to have no knowledge of Tanya or her actions. When not possessed by Tanya, she said that we were just “work buddies.” Tanya seemed to be in on this because she’d ask me to leave as soon as she was done with me, which was fine because, hooooly shit.

Reading her obituary was strange because all I could think about was all the insane things that “Tanya” did. That got me kind of hot. A little part of me even wanted to go to the viewing, but that felt wrong.

Anyway, not worth a whole article! Just a curious anecdote from my mis-spent youth. And I don’t really want the modern Great Society to be too much like the old Great Society. I’m old now and I don’t do anything insane anymore. In fact, I’m downright boring. I sometimes even bore myself. I’ll be sitting around, marathoning Stargate SG1 for the one millionth time, muttering along to the lines in every single episode, and I’ll think: Oh my fucking god, I am so boring.

Of course, in many ways, I’m boring by design. I look back on the first, oh, 35 years of my life and I’m horrified by all the monsters and demons that lurk there. Bad childhood, financial struggles, twelve years of a chronic pain condition that almost destroyed me. So now I get to do the damaged middle-age thing and try to forget about my past (he says as he posts on a blog he started in 2001 using a pseudonym he created in 1988). Have to live for the future. And the future has one goal: Not dying in my 40s or 50s like a stupid fucking loser.


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